Dear Ava:

From what I understand, you are in a lesbian relationship with a woman who is treating you horribly- not all the time, but often, in the context of sex- which amounts to a whole lot of time (“She is in the mood pretty much 24/7 and can go for hours with little breaks”).

In other words, you are in an abusive relationship, aren’t you?

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by .

Hi Ava,

As I was reading your post, I noticed something was missing from the picture. You have identified there is an issue, that you don’t like your girlfriend’s personality changes during sex because she starts to treat you in a way that hurts you. She may like to have sex that way, and has only been having sex with you her way. What I think is missing is: What do you want your sex life to look like? We know what your girlfriend wants. Unfortunately what she wants is hurting you, and we don’t want that to continue. So far there has been room for her to have whatever she wants without consideration for you, and zero room for what you want. I am curious to know about you!  What is the type of sex you would like? How often do you want to have it? What types of things would you like to hear from your partner during sex? (you don’t actually have to share that here, but they ae important questions to answer for yourself)

And you asked if anyone has had a similar experience with this… I have. I am happy to share if it would be helpful to you.

But like anita and TeaK have brought up, there sounds like there is signs that this relationship may not be a healthy one. So I will again encourage you to step back from it and figure out what you need and want. You may really like your girlfriend, but she may not be capable of being a good partner to you.

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by ninibee.

Dear Ava:

You are welcome. Regardless of her motivations, what and who is fueling her angry behavior during sex with you,  it is you who is the recipient of her anger, and it is not fair to you.

When she, a woman ten years older than you, engages in sex with you, (1) knowing that you don’t want to, and (2) performing certain acts that she knows you are uncomfortable with, and (3) verbally abusing you in the process- then it seems to me that she is guilty of sexual misconduct, or sexual abuse. Here is another term: sexual exploitation,  law insider. com: “Sexual exploitation occurs when one person takes nonconsensual or abusive sexual advantage of another person for his/ her own advantage or benefit or for the advantage or benefit of anyone other than the person being exploited and which behavior does not constitute any other form of sexual misconduct”.

Maybe she is so thrilled to have a victim to exploit that she is taking advantage of the opportunity and has sex with you/ exploits you as often as possible, before the opportunity is gone.

anita