Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Parental Issues
- This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 8 months ago by Niyata.
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April 4, 2016 at 5:18 pm #100863HannahParticipant
Hello all. My parents are very overprotective and I’m quite over it. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always had a dream of being a musician like my favorite bands. I picked up a violin at 10 and got my first guitar when I was 15. But, I begged my parents for guitar and vocal lessons and they said, “You do (insert thing here) and we’ll pay for them.” I did said thing and I never got those lessons. I self-taught for 3 years before finally picking up guitar lessons with Mike Gross over Skype. My parents yelled at me for spending $109/month for spending money on something so “stupid.” When I threw in their face that they wouldn’t pay for them, they made up some lame excuse. Yet my brother’s in baseball and they jumped at the opportunity to get him in batting and pitching instructions for $100/week. They even told me that they tried to stray me from the musician path because it “doesn’t make good money.” Unfortunately for them, I don’t care about money. Money means nothing to me.
I wasn’t allowed to cross the street or go on a walk without parental supervision until I was 17. I was never allowed to do my own projects and reports because my mom hopped all over doing everything for me. Even as a Junior, I was writing a paper on John Lennon and I went to Mom for advice. She ended up writing the whole thing. I tried to put my 2 cents in but she said, “No. Do this.” And when I have a problem with a manager at work (I do work with my mom) my mom tells me what to say and won’t let me say what I want because she knows I’m not very confrontational and I like to keep the peace. Which brings me to my next point. I hate my job. It stresses me to no end because it goes against all of my values and morals. I come home every time in hysterics and tears yet they won’t let me quit until I have a driver’s license. When I point out that I have to have experience behind the wheel to get my license, they ask me when they have time to teach me.
I have no friends anymore. All of my friends went off to college. I lost all of my musician friends, so I don’t have anyone I’m comfortable with to start a band with. And when I make friends out of the blue by connections from friends, my parents freak and ask for their name, age, number, address, and how I met them. I shouldn’t have a problem with this, but I do. Why do I need to tell them all of this crap that is none of their business? Just because I made the mistake of miscommunication once and had the police looking for me? Even before then, my parents still wanted to meet them before I hung out with them, which I believe is total bull crap. I don’t know all of their friends. Why do they need to know mine? I understand they want to protect me, but they’re going WAY too far. A girl from work and I became really good friends and we’ve even talked about moving to a different state, rooming with 2 or three other people to split the cost, and starting a band. I’m tired of being trapped in this stupid small town and not doing what I need to do for myself.
They always hounded me growing up to be more like my sister. Be outgoing like her. Be confident like her. Get good grades like her. They didn’t treat me as an individual. They saw that me being an old soul, a modern day hippie, a musician, and a vegetarian as a problem. “I don’t understand reality.” Oh yes I do. I understand what risks I’m taking following my dreams, but it’d be worth it in the end because I know I reached for them and I believe if given the chance, I could make those dreams come true. Yet, they won’t listen to me because it doesn’t make enough money. They and my siblings also tease me. I get that they’re just teasing, but I don’t think they know it hurts. Yes, I’m aware my idols are 30+ years older than me. Yes, I get that I have nothing to do with today’s generation because I hate this generation more than anything in the world. Yes, I do believe in seeing the good side of people instead of the bad. It’s gotten to the point where I just have no relationship with my family anymore. They’re just … there. And it irritates me. It irritates me knowing they’re there because I feel like they’re constantly judging me instead of supporting me for not being conventional. Conventional irritates me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried telling them this, but they won’t listen. I forever long to be on the stage again with a band I connect well with, away from adult responsibilities for a while until I get a little older. Not have to worry about regrets. Not have to worry about the constant judging from my family. Knowing that I’m living my dreams and being what I was meant to be.
April 4, 2016 at 8:14 pm #100882AnonymousGuestDear Oldsouledhippie:
I like the idea: living your dreams and being who you are meant to be (your last line). Being a musician, playing the guitar in your own band, being non-materialistic, unconventional, a modern day hippie. Free to choose your friends, your job… free from your parents’ judgments, their values, their over protection. All good.
How old are you? (If you are legally an adult, then legally you own your life and legally you can move anywhere, get a job anywhere, live anywhere… quite exciting…
anita
April 4, 2016 at 8:20 pm #100887HannahParticipantI’m turning 20 in December, but I don’t feel like I have any control in my life. I do what my parents want because I live under their roof and can’t afford to live anywhere else. Therefore, I should be in control but I’m not at all.
April 4, 2016 at 8:26 pm #100888AnonymousGuestDear oldsouledhippie:
You didn’t ask any question in your post. Is there a question or questions?
You wrote that your parents will not listen to you and will not accommodate your wishes. Since you want to pursue what you wish, and you can’t do it in your parents’ home, are you planning to move out, saving money (you work, right?) and moving out?
anita
April 5, 2016 at 4:57 am #100915InkyParticipantHi oldsouledhippie,
I had over protective parents too. I totally get everything!! The worst one, my mother, suddenly dropped the reins though when I turned 19. It was like, in the nest one minute, and flying the next. No in-between!!
But here’s the thing: You have to go to college. I don’t care if it’s night school at the local Community College. Something out of the house that gives you some semblance of independence.
Do you have any aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins you could visit? Here’s an idea: Visit them. And don’t come back! I am not being sarcastic. My cousin stayed with us for years during her post-grad years and it was wonderful ~ for everyone!
When you leave, your parents can’t do anything because you are an adult. They can’t call the police because you are over eighteen and will tell them that you are leaving!!
Instead of listing what you can’t do, figure out what you can and how you can make it happen.
You can do it! You are (despite your parents) a grown-azzed woman!!
Inky
April 5, 2016 at 5:55 am #100918HannahParticipantI will not go to college. I refuse to be in debt to a government that I don’t agree with or trust. Anyway. Those stupid papers don’t mean anything anymore. Especially for music, which is what I want to do. I don’t have anybody who lives here. Everyone either can’t drive anymore or they moved to Arizona. I refuse to move back to Arizona because of the dispute my aunt and my parents have. My grandparents like 10-15 minutes away, but I couldn’t live with them. They can barely afford rent and I’m not paying it for them. They always go out to eat. I just couldn’t do it.
April 5, 2016 at 8:24 am #100925AnonymousGuestDear oldsouledhippie:
I noticed a long time ago that lots and lots of people with college education are not making any use career/ income wise. Millions of people in the U.S. alone, I believe. And not wanting to get in student loan debt makes a lot of sense to me.
So what are you going to do? You stated the problems, limitations. I too wish your parents were not overprotective all those years. I wish there was a respectful open, honest communication between you and them. But reality, there is not. Therefore there must be a plan in the making to move beyond these limitations..?
anita
April 5, 2016 at 9:00 am #100929NiyataParticipantHi Oldsouledhippie,
Read your post and felt like reading my own recap… i was like you too at that age,,I didn’t concentrate on music But i did complete my college education.. Yes of course for music you don’t need a college degree but… Field of art is heavily competitive nowadays everybody is singing and dancing.. and how are you going to stand out in the crowd. You have to find that uniqueness in your talent and develop it.. I’m from India.. my parents never understood or understand what i talk till now.. But i still suggest you to give that a shot by talking to them. Being independent is tough in the start but i promise you will evolve and be the best. But for that you need a income source to protect yourself and also to pursue your dream career. Think on it. I strongly agree with the point that you wont have control over yourself. At this age.. i seek approval and look up to to someone for everything even though i live alone i cant make decisions.. i always have trauma what if something goes wrong.. its all as a result of that childhood pressure. My best thoughts would be if u earn some money to take care of your needs you can tell your parents and move out with or without their consent and focus on your passion. Eventually they will understand its all for good when you are in flying colors in your music career.. All the best.. Be brave and take the big leap..
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