Hi Helcat

Lovely to hear from you again. Have missed you on this forum

Wishing you all the best

Roberta

Happy Easter, …

When sitting in meditation, a thought arises and the mind tends to follow the thought until one becomes aware of the thought and the attention has moved and person is centered again. It is the same with any thoughts. One has a thought and the mind follows and builds upon the thought. It becomes real and carries a momentum of its own. It is followed by supporting thoughts and colored by the memories of the past. Voices become familiar to the point of being someone’s voice from the past. If coupled with depression then the results can often be not what anyone really wants to happen.

There are plenty of suggestions of what to do and how to do it. Become a better person with a solid reasoning mind. ETC. I have none of that. I can only see how it begins and how it grows. The thoughts and the feelings build a wall of anguish and isolation and depression will only add to the trend of spiraling down. Bringing the thoughts forward and following them is what gives them power. Possibly, if like meditation that one becomes aware of the thought and drops them, lets them go away and re-focus attention to the present (re-centers oneself) then the mind can becomes free of the pattern.

Whether it is nicotine or opioids or other drugs, addiction is similar. The thoughts and urges have a mind of their own. They begin to control actions and make good decision making more difficult. It is so easy to give in and follow those thoughts that lead to losing, loss. Really hard to decide and follow thru.

Sorry, lost my train of thought. It must be a senior moment. Excuse me.

Wishing you all the best.
You can try separating yourself from the thoughts (metacognition if you want to look it up) – ‘oh, I notice that thought about suicide is passing through my mind again’. Don’t judge it. It’s electrical impulses and neurones doing their thing. It’s no more meaningful than any other passing thought and will fade when the next pop-up thought appears.
Of course, if you are having urges to kill yourself then you are aware that you need professional help. Suicide is a problem-solving failure when the desperate individual can’t think of alternatives to manage their suffering.
Sending a hug.