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Our "dark side"

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  • #41077
    André
    Participant

    Hello
    Well, this is a little background: A couple of years ago I had a relationship where I was really insecure, codependent, and with some problems of depression.
    Of course this person walked away, I really loved him but my lack of maturity didnt let me realize how bad it was, so when he left I felt a lot of blame, pain and it was hard to let go all that guilt and forgive myself, it was really a hard time.

    We walked away from each other and after all that guilt-dealing I forgave myself to finally letting me grow.
    Then we tried to be friends and that didnt worked out, I acted the same way, and it was the same cicle of bad acts, hurtin and blame so I walked away, again…

    Now its been a while, and he text me from time to time but although the time pass and I think “Im better, now I can handle it” I cant, I dont know why when I talk to him or im with him all the insecurity and all of that come out, the thing is that its only whit him, when im with other people im in peace and like myself, but whit him I lost contol of my emotions, its like he brings out my dark side but he dont do anything to provoke me, is just me. I dont want to be like this whit him, of course no, but its like hard impulses I cant control ITS FREAKIN HARD, again I feel this way only with him
    why?
    what you guys think its wrong?

    #41079
    Buddhist Wife
    Participant

    Hi Andre,

    I have no idea what is causing your reaction. I think the only way you could find out is with therapy or meditation on the subject.

    In the meantime do you have to have contact with him? Why put yourself through that pain?

    #41093
    Matt
    Participant

    Andre,

    I recently saw a very similar pattern to this in Kim, and responded to her in the following post:

    A mess

    Perhaps those words will help you? If you wish, give them a read and see if they help. If not, feel free to ask more questions. We all have a unique path to joy, and all of our pains seems like ours alone, but there are similarities and solutions that transcend the individualistic nature of our “crazy patterns”. Feel free to respond here or there, I’ll keep an eye out.

    Namaste.

    With warmth,
    Matt

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