Hey 1815gonegirl! 🙂

Thank you for sharing, I think sharing on this site is a great step for you, because I think practicing opening up and not worrying so much about what other people think of you, is a great step forward in building your confidence. Fact: there is not a soul on this planet, regardless of how beautiful, or intelligent, or successful, that has not experienced some form of self-doubt, or insecurity in their lives. The only difference, among us, is how we approach these feelings about ourselves. The fact that you are on the path to recognizing that you want to live feeling more positive about yourself is a great step, and shows a lot about the person that you really are.

Myself, through my teens and early 20s, was very insecure, and very unwilling to let men in, because was so afraid of being judged, or called out on my insecurities. But when i realized that everyone in their lifetime has had some form of experience with feeling insecure-is when my outlook changed to see and believe, that we are ALL on the same equal footing, and that someone is not better than me because, in my head, i just don’t equate to other people. It works the same way, when you are not only able to see this within yourself, but among other people-that we can carry the empathy for other people, that we all share this common ground, and that we can become greater people by stopping comparisons between ourselves and other people. It is so easy to get caught up in doubting our self worth, when we equate it with our success in the dating world, or friendship world, or any world.

Gaining confidence, in my own life, has not been an overnight process. It has been a process of self love. It doesn;t mean you need to turn into an arrogant person, or person that think they are better than other people-that’s not what i mean. If anything, I think going through this experience, will make you an even more approachable and real person. Real people all over the world feel the same insecurities you do. What i am sensing from you, is that your anxieties of opening up to the world, is that the world will unveil you as being insecure, and unworthy. We are so hard on our souls. We could never be so hard on other people. Before you seek the love and acceptance you desire from other people, who need to desire it for yourself, and believe it.

Please watch this video, and be sure to watch the end portion featuring the amazing Natalie Paterson, among many of her poems that she shares on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybvzMXO65Vk
🙂
All the best to you!

Hello Gonegirl,
We all have patterns in relationships and sabotaging connections with potential partners is very common. It has to do with our early attachment (anxious or secure) and the attachment we had with our caregivers ends up getting repeated in romantic pursuits. No exceptions. and you are not alone. Expectation gets a bad rap. To me, expectations are needs that are communicated poorly it misunderstood. We don’t voice them because our inner child assumes that she/he would be too much (just like she did when she was a kid) or that she doesn’t deserve to have it. I recently published a post here on TB on finding your ideal partner (http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/key-finding-ideal-partner-life/) and I think it might benefit you in attracting the right partner. Don’t give up and make it a sob story but a collection of experiences that helped you understand your patterns. You can work through this!
Warmly,
Banu