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On my way to self-compassion 🪷

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Viewing 6 posts - 31 through 36 (of 36 total)
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  • February 24, 2025 at 12:09 pm #443203
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind words. Your support means a lot to me, and I’m truly grateful for your encouragement. ❤️

    My weekend was quite relaxing, thank you for asking. I’m glad to read that you were doing okay this past weekend, and hope that you are doing okay this Monday as well.

    Your reflections on avoidance and confronting feelings are very insightful. It’s true that finding a balance between not getting lost in pain and accepting our feelings can be challenging. Viewing our feelings in a more positive light is a valuable approach.

    Dear Jana:

    It’s a profound decision to choose to work with your nature rather than against it. Your thoughts on vulnerability and tenderness resonate deeply. It does take immense courage to be vulnerable, and it’s understandable to feel exposed and at risk. Learning to protect oneself skillfully while maintaining compassion is a delicate balance, and it’s wonderful that you’re working on this.

    I’m grateful for your kind words about my self-esteem and self-compassion. I’d be happy to share more about my experience: I used to feel devasted, overwhelmed by criticism, it felt like Danger. And so, I responded with two of the three responses to perceived danger: Flight (running away) or Freeze (feeling paralyzed, stuck, trapped). Most often, I froze and didn’t know how to respond, later to run away: end contact with the criticizing person, or run away before I get to be criticized.

    My feelings of shame and guilt were so intense and persistent that any criticism was too much to bear. Fast forward, my feelings of shame and guilt have significantly lessened and my empathy for others has increased, so.. on one hand, criticism- the non-abusive kind- doesn’t feel dangerous anymore, and on the other had, I am not locked within myself, frozen. I engage with others and that makes all the difference.

    anita

    February 24, 2025 at 1:23 pm #443211
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Thank you for sharing your experience.

    I wonder. When I am in presence of too dominant people, I also freeze. But I am not sure what the source is… I connect this to my introversion and slow thinking.

    I call “dominant people” those people who are loud, agressive in speech/act, very moody and always in the mood of attacking (gossiping, judging, you say “A” and they have to say “B” just only to have a reason to oppose and argue…)

    ☀️ 🪷

    February 24, 2025 at 2:24 pm #443213
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jana:

    You are welcome. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed or freeze in the presence of dominant individuals, especially when their behavior is aggressive and confrontational.

    “you say ‘A’ and they have to say ‘b'”- do you ever find yourself as the one who has to say b? Do you ever find yourself as the aggressive, confrontational person.. ever?

    There were times- far in between- that I was that person, the dominant, aggressive and confrontational one. I wonder if anyone’s behavior is strictly, consistently one (passive, submissive) OR the other (aggressive, confrontational)?

    anita

    February 24, 2025 at 6:05 pm #443214
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    I do find myself as the one who has a different opinion, but I don’t have the urge to say it whatever it costs… without thinking about the consequences. The fact is that I am so slow that it might not be even possible to be aggressive. I mean it seems to me that confrontational people are quite hot-tempered, fire-like personalities… exact opposites of me. And that’s also why they hate me.

    I agree that it can be a result of frustration or stress, too. But I was always submissive, maybe you remember… and in very unhealthy way… a submissive escapist, avoiding a conflict… rather completely isolated than confrontational. It is not good, either. I know. That’s why I’m on my way to self-compassion and hope to find healthy assertiveness.

    I know people who are dominant but with the need to be protective. I feel better with them. But they can be unhealthy in relationships too when they become too controlling.

    ☀️ 🪷

    February 24, 2025 at 6:20 pm #443215
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jana:

    It was Tues 3:05 am when you submitted your post a few moments ago, your time; Mon 6:05 pm when your post appeared here, and 6:20 pm when I submit this post. I will reply further in the morning. I hope you sleep restfully, and that I do too 🌙😴✨

    anita

    February 25, 2025 at 10:30 am #443239
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jana:

    I asked you: “if anyone’s behavior is strictly, consistently one (passive, submissive) OR the other (aggressive, confrontational)?

    Your answer includes the statement “I was always submissive”.

    This morning, I want to answer my question in general terms: human behavior is complex and situational, which makes it rare for someone to exhibit strictly and consistently one type of behavior, such as being entirely passive and submissive or entirely aggressive and confrontational, in all aspects of life.

    People’s behavior often changes depending on the context and situation. Someone might be passive and submissive at work or in formal settings, but assertive or even confrontational in personal relationships. The nature of relationships influence behavior. For example, someone might be passive with authority figures but assertive or aggressive with a younger sibling.

    While certain personality traits make someone more inclined toward a particular behavior (e.g., introversion => more passive behavior, while extroversion => more assertive behavior), it’s not absolute. People exhibit a range of behaviors depending on various factors.

    Over time, individuals may learn and adapt their behaviors based on experiences. Someone who was once submissive might learn to be more assertive, while someone who was aggressive might learn to communicate more calmly.

    In some cultures, assertiveness is encouraged, while in others, submissiveness is more socially acceptable. Social expectations shape how people respond in different situations.

    What do you think about the above, Jana?

    Also, in regard to “I was always submissive”- what about your anger about submitting, anger at the aggressive people in your life: did you push it down, suppressing it or repressing it?

    anita

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