I appreciate where you’re coming from. What I don’t understand is the fact she is still worrying about me and why she’s happy to talk to me, when she won’t speak to her other exs?

These past 8 weeks I’ve been working on myself, I’ve lost 10kgs in that time, have an interview for a new job and getting my life on track. I know I still care about her, and she cares about me too. It’s whether that care is something more for her.

Hello again,  its been my birthday recently so I’ve been a little busy.  Just to clarify, we were sexual again after her saying she wanted a none-sexual relationship. A common theme in the relationship was her spontaneous nature.

I generally agree with what you guys have said. If she wanted to fix things, she knows where I am. At the same time if she doesn’t feel like the old relationship would work, then why would she put effort into fixing something she sees as a lost cause? It’s up to me to open her up to the idea of a relationship 2.0.

Anyway I thought it only right that I update my progress. She has continued to talk to me and has opened up about negative things in her life. She also made sure to ring me on my birthday and then sent a thoughtful birthday message on top of that. Not a lot to really go by, more a friendly courtesy in my eyes. Then again, she could have just called or messaged, and called it a day. My worry is that I’m becoming seen as an emotional crutch. Although I care about her a great deal, I should be directing it at someone who will reciprocate it. I’m going to ask her if she wants to go for a coffee this week. If she rejects it out of hand then I can walk away knowing I’ve done all I could.

Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well. I thought I’d update on what’s happened over the past 2 weeks.

I initially asked to meet her last Saturday, the Wednesday before the planned meet, to which she said she’d need to see if she was free. However due to the unexpected death of a family pet, I decided it was better to push it back as I didn’t want to have it dominate my emotions and the conversation. It turned out she was busy that day anyway. So I said that I should be in the area next weekend, which she didn’t acknowledge.

So we continued to talk throughout the week and I asked her if she was free this Saturday. She then replied saying ‘please don’t see this as me avoiding you……. my sister doesn’t know anyone in the area so we’re (family) going to spend some time with her.’. Her sister has moved to a new job, about 30 miles away from their home, only 2 weeks ago and I completely agree that she should put her sister first. However I’m not sure how to move forward.

Part of me thinks it’s up to her to now say when she’s free, or at least give hints that she’s not doing anything. On the other hand, technically she’s only pushed me back once so asking her again in a couple of weeks might also be a good option? That way I can then honestly say I’ve given her ample opportunity to explore any residual or new feelings she might have, if any at all.  At the end of the day actions speak louder than words. If she wanted to see me she’d be putting herself in a position were we’d be meeting…I think for my own sake I should put her to the back of my mind if she isn’t prepared to meet.

You’re right. She’s not one to admit weakness (it’s not a weakness but I think she’d view it as such) but I honestly feel like she’s depressed. She texted me out of the blue once that she’d taken a day off work and was sitting in her room drinking wine…. If I’m being honest I’m a little worried about her. I want to support her but I feel at a total loss as to what to do, now we’re not in a relationship. I asked if she was OK but she just brushed it off.

Maybe setting a deadline is a little obtuse, and I should just continue to keep things amicable. With the mentality that it’s never going to progress past text and the occasional call.

Hello guys,

It’s been a while since I last updated this so I thought I should.

Not a lot has really changed since I last posted. Whilst she still talks to me, and keeps me updated in important events in her life via text and call, we still haven’t met. I deliberately haven’t asked to meet until it was plausible to meet for a coffee/drink, without it looking like I was engineering a date… So with my appointment for my check up next week, I’ve asked if she wants to meet after work. She said she didn’t have an issue with meeting, which isn’t exactly enthusiastic but maybe she’s a little apprehensive.

Now that she’s tentatively agreed to meet, I’m starting to think a lot about what I’m hoping to achieve from all this. Although she’s starting a new job and is confident about the future, I still don’t feel she’s settled on a path. As for me, I’m still working towards building my career and building myself up on a personal level. So knowing that not a lot has changed since we broke up, I don’t believe getting into a committed relationship would end well for us. I suppose what I’m hoping to do is open her up to the idea of doing things together as ‘pseudo-friends’, without the complications of a relationship. Whilst making my feelings clear. Then if we both want it, entertain the idea of building something together if the time is right. I don’t know if that’s realistic or not. Although I’ve been on a number of dates, and I’m moving forward with the belief it’s not going to come off, I just don’t trust my objectivity right now. With that being said I feel that if things don’t evolve beyond this pen pal status, it’s going to fizzle out.

Personally if she meets me (I’m not sure she will until we actually meet) I’m going to steer well away from talk about our relationship, unless she brings it up. Just focusing on having a good time and making her laugh, kind of like a first date. Then see if she texts me about how she had a good time,  go from there? Bringing up the idea of doing more things together.

I’d really appreciate some input on my plan .