Dear @anita Thanks a lot for the response. What I mean by pulling each other’s leg was that all 3 of them bantered continuously among them. So, let’s say we are in a restaurant and a dish is served in each of our plates. So the other three will share from each other but not me. If they are in a playful mood then they will snatch the portion from each other’s plate just for fun. I understand that these are childish but those hurt when I start feeling that I do not mean much to them.

I’ll mention one other example as well. So recently one of them delivered a project in the office. We are not on good terms and are unconcerned at best for each other (I had a talk with him regarding this and he mentioned that he doesn’t feel much friendship for me.). Now a girl from our group of 5 who is his best friend, got excited and started planning to give the guy presents for his hard work. Others also chimed in and were excited. Since I am not on good terms with the guy, it seemed superfluous for me to spend money on presents. Due to this, my relations with the girl soured and she became distant. I fear very much that a similar thing will happen with the others.

I have started having phobia where I become insecure if my close friends talk or give attention to anyone with whom I am on ambivalent terms. I know this is just a series of What If’s which are clouding my mind. But I cannot seem to shake these off.

Dear @Inky , Thanks for your response. I actually do care for the people in my circle but I become unsure if I feel that my friendship with them is threatened due to someone else (Even if it is in my head). How do I shake off this feeling ?

Hi @anita ,

Thanks a lot for your response.  Truly, you are an angel. I was undergoing a slightly feeling low spell recently and couldn’t muster enough courage to reply. What you have described is exactly what happens. I am not relaxed in the groups which I was referring to earlier.

Let me go in a bit of depth here. What I think happens in such situations is that I am afraid of opening up as I seek approval of someone in the group. I’ll give an example which will make things more clear. Recently, our college had its annual meetup and my old gang from college was attending it. I was full of energy, enjoying myself and making others laugh until my old friend Reema arrived. Reema is a charismatic girl, full of energy and a person everyone loves. I considered myself as her close friend (only from my side) but I have always craved for her approval which she has rarely provided. I have gone beyond and over for her but probably we don’t click. To attain her approval, I allow myself to be mocked and am not my normal self around her. Coming back to our party, As soon as she arrived my friends drifted towards her and I became conscious yet again. Though I tried to relax but she was on my mind continuously. I started overthinking that she was giving others more attention and even others were enjoying with her. I was craving for approval/attention from her specifically and ignoring others in the process.

Now, had I been my normal self then I would have enjoyed with others but I was afraid of the condescending laugh or even joking remark. I became normal yet again once she left.

I know that some of my behavioral traits are not ideal but I would like to improve them. Understanding the problem is probably the first step of the solution.

Thanks again for bearing with me.

Hey @anita

It has been sometime since I wrote back anything here. I think I found the reason due to which I face most of the challenges that I have mentioned. I came to the conclusion that since I am an under confident person, I am not able to lead or take decisions properly. I am very clumsy at times as well. Due to this, I feel heavily insecure with anyone who is a confident person and is not close to me. This insecurity in turn prevents others to become close to me.

Do you think I am at the right conclusion ? If so then what can I do to improve myself ?

Thanks again for bearing with me !