Dear Felix:

From your previous posts I learned that your marriage has been on the brink of separation for a while. keeping this in mind, what happened yesterday:

*She woke up.
*You gave her flowers.
*You were starting to get intimate (from my reading)
*The dog “barely bit her”
*She got upset: the fact that she felt hysterical, or whatever it is that she felt, is not her fault because we don’t choose our feelings, they just happen. Her behavior is her responsibility, her choosing (or should be).
*You refused to speak with her in the evening” because I was very upset”- you feeling very upset is not your fault for the same reason: we don’t choose our feelings. Your refusal to speak to her is a behavior that you are responsible for, and it is usually not a good idea to refuse talking with your spouse.
* She threw the bouquet at you- that’s a behavior and not a good one for the relationship.
* She went off on you like it’s all my fault- her talking to you, blaming you is behavior. Talking to each other should include each person taking responsibility for one own behavior, being empathetic and respectful to each other.

You asked: “Am I just crazy?” No, just one of two people displaying poor relationship skills in a relationship. “Did I ruin this?” The two of you probably ruined the day.

You wrote: “I wanted this to be special and it ended up being a complete nightmare.” As you can see, intentions are not enough. Learning and practicing relationship skills is very important.

You wrote: “She thinks she is am angel and I am a monster. Am I a monster?” Probably neither one of you is an angel and neither one of you is a monster. Two humans who are not practicing EAR with each other: Empathy, Assertiveness and Respect.

anita