Dear Heartbrokengurl:

Welcome back!

I wouldn’t worry about “not feeling those butterfly feelings or feelings of excitement”- butterflies are  known for their short life span, so they are not a solid, lasting basis for a healthy, loving relationship.

To function better in this new relationship, to do your part in it for the purpose of it being the healthy, loving relationship I wish it is becoming, it may be helpful for you to slowly read your previous threads and take notes, the idea is to learn from previous experiences so to function better in life.

I hope to read more from you.

anita

Hello Heartbrokengurl

Your new boyfriend is great and he treats you well but after just two months together you have issues with him.  He is not romantic enough and he does not text you enough.  You are not excited by him.  At a rough guess, I would say he isn’t the right man for you.

Peggy

Dear Heartbrokengurl:

“when we are apart I feel disconnected to him”- because, based on your previous threads, you suffer from separation anxiety, meaning, unless the man is in your physical presence, and you can see him and touch him, or unless you are hearing his voice on the phone or getting a text from him, you feel all alone and very scared (anxious, worried, panicking, experiencing extreme anxiety and thinking the worst, your own words, see below).

It is similar to a young child left by his mother, finding herself alone, and very, very scared. The child cries inconsolably for her mother. Nothing will calm her down until her mother returns to her and holds her.

Here is your separation anxiety from April 2017:

April 1, 2017: “I went on my first date last night.. I woke up with a smile on my face today!” but still on that same morning, you wrote: “While it’s only morning after I’m already anxious that I’m not going to hear from him”. The day after, April 2, you wrote: “He did text me and said we should get together again soon but didn’t keep the conversation going, so now I’m worried again… I’m having a lot of trouble not panicking right now. He will text, but is taking hours between texts”.

In June 2017 you wrote about another man whom you dated two or three times: “we haven’t even discussed being exclusive, but any time I don’t hear from him for a while, I start to get extreme anxiety and think the worst, i.e. he isn’t interested anymore, maybe I said something wrong etc.”

Fast forward more than two years, Sept 2019, and you wrote regarding another dating situation: “I have a new man in my life (2 months).. Just wish he.. would text more… His texting is really starting to  get to me. He takes hours to  respond.. When. we are together he is great.. but when we are apart I feel disconnected to him”- you need his presence or a direct contact with him at all times, or very frequently, otherwise you feel anxious,  alone and scared. And after too long of alone-and-scared, I figure you feel disconnected.

I don’t remember if we ever discussed the origin of your separation anxiety, did we?

anita

Just ask for yourself – “What I gonna feel if he left?”