Need to make a decision fast

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by Maria_L.

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May 20, 2016 at 5:21 am #105128
Inky
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Hi sag220,

My first instinct would be to have you move back to France. And I don’t like how you are the family hero who is supposed to make everything better! Of course, I’m American, so my outlook is completely different (independence, don’t burden the children, eat rice out of my car before depending on others). Would your family’s debt become your debt over there?

I would do what *I* want and perhaps give your mother or the debt collectors 10% of what you make (your charity/tithing). This way you can grow your $$ enough so she could live with you when she’s old.

Just my Thoughts!

Inky
- This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
May 20, 2016 at 5:45 am #105132

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sag220:

If I was you, I would imagine the following: I would imagine that my life was my own, that other than personal financial debts, I have no emotional debts to anyone. I would imagine I am only responsible for myself and to no one else.

Imagining you are free from any and all family ties, sense of duty and obligation, what would you do then?

And this is my input: do what is right for you. And what is right for you is not to sacrifice yourself for your mother, your family. I would move back to France IF it means that you will be free to live your own life.

Don’t stay in London so to make your mother’s dreams come true. This will bring you nothing but more of the same: misery. But if you move back to France, don’t make your life there about your mother either.

anita

May 20, 2016 at 11:46 am #105175

Eris
Participant

Don’t live somewhere that makes you unhappy.

I would never live in London. I love visiting it but is energy sucks for any length of time.

The English dream is not just London – why don’t you explore the rest of it – there are good universities all over England, with liberal, tolerant people, where the cost of living is cheaper, people are happier and there is still stuff to do.

And yes you should make decisions based on your health and how you feel. Its called listening to your body and your intuition. Being miserable is a sure sign that SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG. Being strong is not battling through misery in the hope you can deal with it later. it is having the courage to make the changes you need to in order to live a life that is right for you now.

Ask yourself if you were diagnosed with a terminal illness now how much would you regret living the life you are currently living? Living a rubbish life now on the chance that it will all work out later is not a good idea.

There is no way to know what the right life for you is with out making changes and taking risks and trying things out. Life is an ongoing process 🙂

Good luck and check out some other places in the UK 🙂

May 21, 2016 at 12:23 pm #105270

Maria_L
Participant

Hello,

First, it’s great thing to know what makes you happy, what makes you sad in life. There are people who can’t locate the reason for their depression and that is much harder…

From what you wrote seems like you are not happy there, and I can relate to such feelings. I have a lot of expats for friends, I am expat myself and I know for sure that not every place is for every person. My first attempt of relocation was also a total failure, I was so miserable, I know how you feel. I moved, so did some of my expat friends few times. There nothing wrong with that .Moving is definitely not easy, but sometimes the boundaries and limitations are just in our minds, and we do have a choice.

I know that London offers many job opportunities, but it’s not the only place in the world where you can make money. I also know that it is very expensive city to live in. I have a friend who had a decently paid engineering job there for a year and could barely meet ends, so I wonder.. how long ago was it since your mother’s dream? Rents are higher, the city is flooded with work force from all over the world.. Maybe at the end of the month you’ll barely have anything left to send home? I agree with Eris, maybe you should explore other places in UK… Another friend of mine who was in London for 8 years, now is perfectly happy in the North and would never go back..

Please dry your tears and smile …and never compromise with depression. You are young, the life and the world is waiting to see you shine!

I am sure your family wants you happy and healthy before they want your money. If they don’t understand this, don’t worry… Moms always want the best for their children, but they are just human beings and not always understand what’s best. Very often they fail to understand…

I am sending the best of luck, and if you scroll these pages, you’ll see you are not alone…
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