Need Help deep inside.

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This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 1 month ago by Livelovelifeeleni HappyMotivation, Advice, Outreach & LifeCoaching.

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September 9, 2016 at 4:06 am #114702

ramy
Participant

Hello,
This is my story, I’m 20 years old, I’ve been raised in a stressful house, that made me shy, but a strong inside.
I am perfectionst guy, trying to be liked by all, sensitive, and has low self esteem.
One year ago I started to smoke weed with friends (about 3 times a week), it made me really weak but I didn’t realize it was the reason, so I continued to smoke and made me really anxious, 2 months ago I stopped smoking because I felt really bad about myself, but stopping it made me worse, I almost lost my friends (being super uncomfortable with myself lead to make friendships really weak), I wasn’t working, I didn’t do anything in my life just smoking 2 buckets of cigarettes daily.

Something was really broken deep inside when I quit weed, I realized that I was living in “bad dream” and I had to wake up.
I had thoughts and conflicts in my mind 24 hours daily.

I became anxious to people, I felt like I lost who I am, lost my personality, it felt like HELL, very painful feeling.
good thing, I didn’t give up, now I stopped smoking cigarettes (2 cigarettes daily), daily fitness, meditations, healthy food, I entered new job which require super confiedence (waiter in high class resturant, and I don’t have any self esteem :).

It has been 2 months passed, I feel much better, but I still don’t feel okay with myself, I went 2 times to a psychologist, it’s helping a bit, but I still feel fear of rejection between people, shyness and awkwardness.
I’m mad at my parents for my self esteem, I’m worried that I’ll stay all my life in this loop.

if you have any suggestions, I’ll apperciate it a lot, I’m ready to do ANYTHING to feel okay with my self, and to feel happy again.

September 9, 2016 at 4:47 am #114708

Inky
Participant

Hi ramy,

Sometimes WE have to make the decision to be OK with ourselves. I mean really: You’re eating right, exercising, being mindful, keeping busy and are genuinely a good guy! Some mystical over-soul figure isn’t going to reach down from above and proclaim, “YOU ARE OK”. That’s what I finally learned as an adult. No one’s grading, no one’s watching, and no one’s keeping score. And if they are, THEY would be cast out of my life immediately!

I say, “I am OK with myself!”

And if someone challenges me or asks for reasons or credendials, I reply, “Because I say so, that’s why!”

Blessings,

Inky

September 9, 2016 at 5:09 am #114710

ramy
Participant

Hello Inky, thanks for your support I really apperciate it but could you please explain a bit more?

September 9, 2016 at 6:03 am #114715

Inky
Participant

I’m not sure how to make it more clear, hmmm…

Let’s see… Cop the attitude and repeat everyday to yourself in the mirror, “All is well, including myself”.

Pick up the book The Power of Now. That will help.

And remember, everything is SUBJECTIVE. Meaning someone might say, “This is great!” and another person might say, “It stinks!” Which perspective is correct? Both? None?

So you be good with YOU and it will be OK.

Inky

September 9, 2016 at 9:19 am #114742

Anonymous
Guest

Dear ramy:

Congratulations for practicing better habits and for your new job.

You wrote that you visited psychologists twice. It will take more than that: therapy with a competent, empathetic psychotherapist for at least a few months. That would be the place to explore what was so unsafe in the home where you grew up; what you did not get from your parents that you needed. In therapy you will gain the insight you need and the skills to tolerate distress and experience more calm and confidence in your life.

If you’d like here to share about your childhood, I can suggest something to look deeper into, perhaps.

anita

September 9, 2016 at 12:02 pm #114765

Tracey
Participant

Ramy

Try to remember some things take time, sometimes a long time, I am an ex self harmer, something i did from aged 11. i stopped 9 years ago now but the thoughts still niggle at me, especially in times of stress, I am still finding out about me even after all these years and it’s hardwork ignoring all those nasty voices.
some days i fly and some days i sink but i look at myself on that day and know i am still better than i used to be and i keep going keep trying.
Try to stop seeking an ultimate goal of happiness, stop expecting instant results and just focus on your day to day progress.
I always remember that a wound heals but it leaves a scar and that scar takes time to fade if at all.
You are doing great, keep telling yourself that and keep going.

September 10, 2016 at 2:21 am #114810

ramy
Participant

Thanks for support I apperciate it a lot, well in my childhood I never felt like others, I remember being attracted to feets(legs) and hiding it, which made me uncomfortable with my self, I went through a lot of small things in my life which made me not feel like others (like being BI), sometimes for good and sometimes for bad;(loving myself a lot or hating myself a lot).
Also I was the youngest between 12 cousins, so I wasn’t really inside their community.

But the main idea is that I never felt like others.
I quite blame my parents for that, also didn’t forget them inside, because they didn’t change yet.
My sbilings don’t live home now, so I stay home with my parents, I’m sick about it, I feel my parents are anxious and depressed which make me feel depressed about this loop, but I can’t leave them because I’ll feel sorry for them.

If you have any suggestions to be happy again, I’ll do anything! Do you think there’s a solution?

September 10, 2016 at 4:04 am #114818
VJ
Participant
Hi ramy,

Yes there is a solution, as every problem has the seeds of its own solution too.
Help is in reach to you.

I am glad that you have the willingness to do something to bring about a change in your situation and feel happy again. In order to provide with some solution, and a practical one, can you do the below? I have read your post – you need not write anything about your “story”. But just list down what are your current problems that you want them to be resolved. Perhaps the strongest ones –

I have listed below to begin with-

1) shyness, awkwardness
2) fear of talking to others?
3) fear of rejection between people
4) low self esteem
5) perfectionist guy (if you don’t think this is a problem, then remove from the list)
6) trying to be liked by all (people pleasing mentality?)
.
.
.

Rearrange the numbers such that the strongest ones are at the top and the less bothering ones are at the bottom. Continue the number system likewise.

Regards,
VJ
- This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by VJ.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by VJ.
September 10, 2016 at 8:19 am #114827

Anonymous
Guest

Dear rami:

Yes, I think there is a solution: a few things to be done.

One thing is in your last quote. You wrote: ” I can’t leave them (your parents) because I’ll feel sorry for them.” The one solution I am suggesting is that you will leave your parents and live away from them, having a limited contact with them while focusing and living your own life for your sake (not for theirs).

In your original post you wrote: ” I’m ready to do ANYTHING to feel okay with my self, and to feel happy again.” Well, are you willing to do this one thing I suggested?

The second thing is for you to attend psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist, for a few months. Explore there the “deep inside” (in the title of your thread) so you can live a better life.

anita

September 10, 2016 at 7:04 pm #114874

Livelovelifeeleni HappyMotivation, Advice, Outreach & LifeCoaching
Participant

Hi beautiful guy you arent alone its ok to not feel ok what matters is u wanna be. Gor now focus daily on baby steps, things that make u happy, you never lostmyourself. Youre groeing daily learning and inspiring by being ul youre becoming your best self in time and your in a beautiful journey hon, nothing can take away your awesome beautiful self nothing at all, remmeber you have the power to make u happy by doing what u love focus on stuff u enjoy like yum food a fav tv show..song people stuff you look forward ro and accpeting you dont feel good but its ok itll change. It starts from witihn you can be happy any time u feel ull get there stay positive hopeful believr in u and trudt in life. Ots all for thr greater good, we struggle to learn grow and help others goin through same stuff. Your freaking amazing anxiety and struggles dojt define you, your interests good soul likes dislikes quirks beauty ,,thats you. You can live a bettee life any day choose today and say fricj it i wont let bad stuff define me yea im human but im a good lerson deserving of happiness, Love Leni ♡Livelovelifeleni Positivity&Motivation ♡
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