Hi Ben,

I was an Artist back in the 90’s before any of this techno-stuff came on the scene. Now I get in the mindset of “Why bother”? If you know what you’re doing, you can make a pencil sketch on a crumpled napkin look like a masterpiece with the right programs. (I don’t know what I’m doing LOL)

Yes, my work had been rejected, and I was all So why did you hire me in the first place? The problem is art is so subjective!

I got stressed out and still get stressed out if I try to produce any art for other people.

Now I’m a Mom and I view my art as a hobby only. I do feel like I “failed” as “Artist” was my identity for so long.

I wish I had better advice. I like the Web Designer path. Also consider Social Media Consultant, where you set up businesses’ social media sites and update them. I have another friend who is making a killing transforming other people’s photos into art. Again, techno stuff, BUT the person will see kind of how it will turn out if she’s seen one.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Dear Ben:

The creative part of you suffers when the job is monotonous (99% of the time, you wrote). Unfortunately, the creative part of you suffers when you do have a creative assignment in front of you (1% f the time) because the Bully part of you, is active when the job is creative: you inner-bully is beating on the creative part of you.

This is a no-win situation: you are unhappy whether the job is monotonous or creative. This is why the answer, I believe, is not in having a different job. Some jobs will be more unpleasant than others, but the problem is that inner bully.

You detailed your thinking. I will quote what you wrote and follow with paraphrasing the message behind the thought, the message the bully is expressing to you:

* “This person is paying me for my time or people are counting on me”
Bully: “You, Ben, are not worth their money and their trust and they are going to realize it any moment now: watch out- any moment now and you will be found out for being unworthy and unreliable.
* “but as this is a creative work and there is no right or wrong how do I know what will look good or what they will like?”
* Bully: You can’t do it right- you will be doing it wrong! And they will not like it, you will see!
“They must be wondering why I am taking so long”
Bully: you are too slow (and…too slow doing it the wrong way)!
* “I am embarrassed that I need to research techniques (mainly digital work) before I start work like I can’t do work on my own or like I feel I should know or be able to work this stuff out and because of this like I am a fraud”
Bully: Shame on you, Ben! You shouldn’t be researching! You should be able to do this on your own! You are a fraud!
* “I always feel inferior and like I am just making it up as I go along and that any moment people will realise that although my title is artworker and artist I am not an artist and in fact have never really liked ‘art’.”
Bully: You, Ben, you are inferior! You are just making it up as you go along, you don’t know what you are doing (doing it wrong and taking too much time doing it), and you are not a real artist, your title is not fooling them. Anytime now, they will find out you are a fraud!

So, with this Bully, life is almost impossible. You muscle through, do your best, but the bully is producing this heavy duty friction that acts against you moving forward. That friction harms your creativity at home and during the 1% at work. This friction also creates so much distress that it harms your health.

If you agree, and if there is something new to you in my analysis, let me know and we can continue to communicate about … the answer, the solution.

anita

Anita- good take on the “bully” within. That was a great point!

One way that I managed to quell my inner-critic, aka “bully’ was to engage him in conversation. When he opined negatively, I put a face to him so I had a visual and I asked for proof that what he as saying was true. Not just an opinion but real, unequivocal proof. I find that most of the time, he cant provide it. Only his nasty comments. Then I know I am on the right path because I have created fear in him, which is why he is screaming for attention. I gently remind him that I know he is looking out for my best interest, and also that without proof, I know that what he said was not true, so therefore I must continue on. At the end of the day, I know my inner critic is trying to help in the only way he knows how. And I know that the louder he screams, the more I am on to something good. Giving him a voice and a face has changed the direction of my life dramatically. He’s still there, except now he is more like a crusty old friend that I met along the way. I expect the bluntness but I know his heart is in the right place 🙂

Dear Ben:

Yes, the bully will go with you wherever you go and whatever career you pursue. It will because it resides in your brain, so … wherever you go, it goes.

There are ways to deal with the bully, to weaken him and that’s the best way to go. There is a new thread that a respondent to your thread here started today and I will be communicating with her about the goal of shrinking or weakening the inner bully, aka toxic inner critic. You can visit that thread and you can also communicate with me here about it.

anita