Anita,

I just checked my calendar. My psychiatrist is Tuesday and psychologist is Wednesday. I will keep you posted.

Lindsey

Anita,

I don’t just ride on the hot mess express bus I drive it.   Part of my anxiety has been M. I think? I stopped by his house earlier and feel 75% better.  How does one person make someone’s anxiety sky rocket?

Apparently he buys everyone at any bar a shot if he sees them out because they work together at State Farm. Apparently he’s never spoken to S ever and didn’t that night.  Apparently the night of that championship basketball game his friend and co worker Dave was at his house not S.  Really all my source said was he bought her an anonymous shot at a bar and had no idea of anything after that. This was her brother.

This is a perfect example of my anxiety taking a statement of he bought someone a shot to my brain telling me he’s sleeping with her and was sleeping around on me the whole time with multiple women.  I feel really really bad about what I said to him via text about his daughter and a scenario of her being 25 and what would he do if a 45 year old guy hit on her and she’s got abandonment issues if she like an older guy.

I messed up. We argued back and forth and I got out what I needed to say in general. I was thinking of apologizing to him tomorrow?

Lindsey

Anita,

i feel relief that he was not sleeping around but I feel like a complete moron.  I mean I’m sitting on his couch with his dog at my feet who loves me for some reason-an 85 pound German shepherd. And he is pissed about my hurtful text messages. Because I knew what to say to get to him.  I felt like a child. But I told him- you sit in that chair of yours and you manipulate people and control them. I said you knew I was desperate for any type of attention or affection I was in a bad place.

I told him this morning I was sorry about what I said about his daughter and literally ran out of his office.  He said it’s ok. A man of so many words.

My anxiety ruins everything.  It’s like a monster out of control.

Lindsey

Anita,

Can I send a rough copy to you later to give to them?

Lindsey

Anita,

1. Constant worry that others are talking about me or judging me all the time.

2. Obsessive thoughts and worries that go round and around in my head.  Feeling antsy, claustrophobic in my apartment, not able to sit down and read or nap.

3. Getting hyper focused on one thing- usually a man.

4. Not able to sleep. Waking up several times during the night. Feeling panic around 7 pm that slowly gets worse every night for last 2-3 weeks and need meds or have an anxiety attack late at night.

5. Turing a small thing into a catastrophe. – use the buying S a shot story.

6. Specific counseling around emotional abuse and sexual coercion.

7. Learning to like/love myself sense the abuse and separation.

Anita,

ok so the psychiatrist appointment went ok.  I updated my list and gave her a copy, explaining I will give sheet to psychologist tomorrow to work out a plan.  We are increasing my risperdol from .25 1 pill and I’ll try taking 2 pills.  I have to play with the dosage and see what works for me and increase until I see results. I meet with her again I  2 months. If meds are not working I’ll call to come in.  Hoping it will help with my sleep and ocd thoughts and anxiety.

Lindsey

Anita,

I take 600mg lithium and 40mg vibryd they work really well for the depression.

My ocd thoughts are like an addiction.  I was describing the shot scenario and catastrophe I turned it in to with M. and she talked about stalking behaviors. I said Dr Moody I’m not stalking him for Christ sakes. She said well you can see how it could happen.

Wtf.  So of course now that’s in my head that he thinks I’m a freak. So I’m walking around and keep repeating to myself he’s one person and if he thought I was crazy he would probably tell me.

Lindsey