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April 19, 2019 at 7:32 am #289739
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You know this experience, don’t you: you feel a bit dizzy and you get alarmed: what is wrong with me? Am I going to faint? – something like that, you feel pain, or some mental distress and you get alarmed, wondering what is going on and how worse it will become…?
You expressed distress in your most recent post, don’t escalate it, stop the alarm part.
We all get distressed, I was already distressed a few times this morning, no such thing as being calm on an ongoing basis, if calm now, there will be distress later, when we think a distressing thought or a distressing image appears in our mind
Expect distress, don’t get surprised by it and don’t add the alarm part to it. Focus on what you do, making your life make sense this moment, today.
anita
April 19, 2019 at 4:24 pm #289865
lindseyParticipantAnita,
My distress which now comes every hour or 2 feels like butterflies and a rock in my stomach and I need to take a deep breath. My thoughts feel on the lose meaning at times my brain starts reliving past conversations with M. Or things we did. Other times my brain rehearses what I would say to him about seeing someone else.
It was getting better these last 2 weeks but got really bad again about 1 or 2 days ago. At times I am able to give positive feedback to myself about the entire situation. But I’m exhausted and I want it to stop. I’m doing really well with the kids considering all this and they continue to adjust well to everything.
I’m wondering if you know of any techniques to not feel distressed or to stop these thoughts from randomly coming all the time. I feel paranoid that other people or either talking about me or judging me more than normal mostly at work because that’s where I’m at most of the time. I feel overwhelmed going places.
Lindsey
April 20, 2019 at 9:21 am #289929AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I can share with you a certain technique that made it possible for me to stop taking Klonipin, the anti anxiety drug which I took for 17 years or so. I tried to stop taking it several times but when I stopped I felt panic stronger than before I took Klonipin. Oct 2013 was my last effort to stop, the last stage in a gradual weaning off process. I felt the panic and I didn’t think I will make it, but I did the following (something I was taught before by a therapist): I looked at my big toe.
So I am sitting and looking at my big toe. The big toe represents my panic/ intense anxiety. So not all of me is that one big toe, right? You can look at your own big toe and agree: there is more to you than that big toe.
Literally it is the same thing in the brain, not everything in your brain is panicking, not all is panic. Just that one part. So remove your attention from the big-toe of the brain, that is, the panicking part and go elsewhere, go to the part of the brain that is not panicking and look around from that location.
This exercise made it possible for me to get off Klonipin Oct 2013, never to take it or any tranquilizer ever since.
anita
April 22, 2019 at 5:31 am #290099lindseyParticipantAnita,
i hope you had a good Easter. I’m feeling much much better. I think I’m a very sensitive person. I went off the track a bit after hearing about the 25 year old but I started to remember a few things. One is I’m almost old enough to be her mom and two sometimes I realize I’m a pretty amazing woman that can do just about anything she sets her mind to.
People who do bad get bad. I’m just trying to do good as much as possible. I believe it comes back to you. I hope you have a good Monday. What seems to work for me and my anxiety is deep breaths and positive mantras.
Lindsey
April 22, 2019 at 8:24 am #290113AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I am glad you are feeling better. Keep doing what works for you- deep breaths and positive mantras, and doing good. My Easter was very quiet, calm much of the time.
anita
April 23, 2019 at 12:27 pm #290261lindseyParticipantAnita,
i don’t understand why I feel ok for a few hours or even a day and the suddenly I’ll get bombarded with feelings of anxiety. Negative and unhealthy Thoughts will run through my head and it’s up down up down. I’m feeling really tired because I have to take kilonopin at night 3-4 days out of 7 the past 2-3 weeks due to panic trying to fall asleep.
I feel like I can’t stabilize. The up and down thoughts make me feel worthless, damaged, and paranoid. I cannot seem to get past The events of M. And I’m really tired of still being upset about it. I want the thoughts out and gone like it didn’t happen. I want to start enjoying more that an hour or 2 a day. I want to get along with my mom and not feel like it’s all my fault.
I feel like my mental health is weighing me down and sometimes I can’t tell what’s real or not real in my head with situations.
Lindsey
April 23, 2019 at 12:51 pm #290271AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
It may be time for a psych drug re-evaluation, get stabilized via a better medication regiment. And what about that psychotherapy?
Best would be if you saw a competent psychotherapist who after a few sessions will come up with an evaluation and who will work with a psychiatrist for your benefit. A competent, quality psychotherapist will let you know what his evaluation is, then give you his objectives for therapy and he or she will communicate with a psychiatrist and together work for your benefit.
(This is what was done in my case, 2011-2013)
anita
April 23, 2019 at 1:16 pm #290279lindseyParticipant1st psycho therapy session May 1st.
Psychiatrist April 30 yes I think you are right.
April 23, 2019 at 3:26 pm #290299AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Have the two professionals work together, see to it that they come up with a plan to help you. Six days to the psychiatrist appt and a week to psychotherapy. Sometimes we need help, we all do. Do your best for the next week and post here anytime!
anita
April 26, 2019 at 2:16 pm #291441lindseyParticipantAnita,
Things are ok. I’m definitely feeling anxiety in the evening more than usual and will be talking with my psychiatrist about it Tuesday. I need it fixed like yesterday.
I told M. Off on Wednesday. It was via text not in person but I don’t think I could of said the things I said without my voice shaking. He’s been gone on vacation since I heard about him seeing the 25 year old. When I saw him Wednesday I was like nope it’s on buddy and went right to his office asking him to text me.
One look on his face and I knew. He texted me 2 minutes later and I said I new about “s” and that he had been seeing her while we were together and that he was seeing multiple women too. He didn’t deny and I told him what a dirt bag he was and how trashy and gross to date someone so young, etc. it felt really good to be able to get that off my chest and get the last word.
Hope you have a good weekend
lindsey
April 26, 2019 at 4:55 pm #291447AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I read the first sentence, that things are okay, good to read that! I will read the rest of your post and reply when I am back, in about 13 hours from now.
anita
April 27, 2019 at 6:38 am #291485AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Wednesday, three days ago, you walked to M’s office and asked him to text you. He texted you two minutes later and you texted him back (not talked to him but texted him, correct?) that you knew about him seeing S as well as multiple women while in a relationship with you and that he is a “dirt bag.. trashy and gross to date someone so young etc.”
Anything new in the office Thursday or Friday?
Thank you for wishing me a good weekend, I wish you the same!
anita
April 27, 2019 at 9:26 am #291509lindseyParticipantAnita,
im living in the twilight zone. M. Texted me last night asking if I was still angry. I was off Thursday and Friday so not in the office. I didn’t get his text til early this morning and went off on a rant. I feel like maybe I went too far by asking what he would do if his daughter was 25 and a 45 year old hit on her. He never replied So later on I texted saying I didn’t like being mean and if he wanted to have a civil conversation that’s fine I’m home today and id rather talk in person. I just want to be civil and not feel hate at work or in general. Haven’t heard back. Wondering why he texted in the first place.
Lindsey
April 27, 2019 at 9:56 am #291517AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
He is not handling the situation effectively, the two of you are doing badly, really, in this post relationship communication. He shouldn’t have texted you if you were angry and then not respond. He should have suggested to meet you for a conversation or not text you at all.
Reads like the only way there can be some closure for you in regard to M., if closure is possible for you at all, would be in an office with a competent couple counselor that will make it possible for you and M to effectively communicate back and forth, start with identifying the main problem and working toward a resolution.
anita
April 27, 2019 at 11:22 am #291525lindseyParticipantAnita,
I think I will have to make my own closure and to an extent I already have. I doubt he will respond. Monday psychiatrist appointment and I’m running to it because I’m still having panic attacks and feeling like I can’t sit still or sleep well at all. I’ll keep you posted. That really my focus anyway.
Lindsey
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