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April 16, 2019 at 2:26 pm #289337
lindseyParticipantAnita,
It’s been kind of a rough day. Yesterday afternoon I found out that M. Was at a bar and bought a drink/shot for a tall blonde female at our office. I don’t know any specifics but I feel sick to my stomach. I’m not sure when this all took place. Supposedly she likes attention from men.
A few things bother me. 1. I don’t drink because of past alcohol abuse issues so I’ll never be able hang out for a drink with a man. 2. Men typically go after the same type of woman and this female I’ll call her “S” might be similar to me except for being younger. 3. I was improving until this.
I have my first counseling session May 1. All the self help quotes and just get over him and move on make me want to scream. I don’t believe anything happened with “S” but still what the heck?
Lindsey
April 16, 2019 at 2:44 pm #289347
AnonymousInactiveDear Lindsey,
It seems like S is the perfect scapegoat in your mind right now. Often we try to make a connection though separation. Allow me to explain : by you blaming her (because of her looks, behavior, attitude etc) , he is somehow absolved of of choosing her instead of you. And that’s not the case at all. It’s a distraction your mind uses in order to escape the stress and the trauma of realizing the facts. Deep down (and truly not so deep) you know it that he is just a complete @$$hole, a womanizer, a player, a joke.
Neither S, nor you are any bad. If she indeed craves attention, take it like it is. S has her own demons, maybe complexes derived from childhood, a broken home, an absent father, that’s why she craves it from men. You are strong. We all are if we choose to. It’s so great that you made that appointment with the therapist.
Don’t be discouraged because ONE man isn’t into you. He’s not the world. He’s mortal. Let him be and let yourself be better. Peace and love
April 16, 2019 at 5:58 pm #289363lindseyParticipantSofioula,
”Let him be and let yourself be better”
I like it. Thank you.
Lindsey
April 16, 2019 at 6:11 pm #289367AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I just became aware that you posted earlier today. I will read and reply to you when I am back to the computer in about 12 hours from now.
anita
April 17, 2019 at 7:17 am #289419AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Well, you are not over M, that’s why it hurts you to imagine him with another woman.
S is a tall, blond woman, like you, but younger, and she drinks alcohol, you don’t. What you are suggesting, if I understand correctly, is that she has two advantages over you in meeting men, and specifically, getting together with M, and that is that she is younger and drinks alcohol.
And I remember, you had your 40 birthday recently. How do you feel about your age?
anita
April 18, 2019 at 11:23 am #289593lindseyParticipantAnita,
i don’t really look or feel my age. My friends say I look like I’m in my early 30’s and growing up it was always like that too. I looked 12 when I was 14 no fun then.
Yesterday was a rough day because that’s when I felt myself really processing whatever might have happened with M and younger S. All I know is he bought her a drink in a bar where she was with friends and then went up and talked to her. From there I have no idea. I keep trying to tell myself I’m better than that and better than him. She is in her 20’s and he’s 45. Everything about that situation and him in general makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I just want to be over it completely and things keep happening and I get upset all over again. I’m confident that 1. He probably does not think of me at all 2. If he does he’s glad he doesn’t see me anymore. I just wish I was better in general. At everything. My mom and I got I. A big fight yesterday and I could really just use a person to make me feel better and keep me company.
Lindsey
April 18, 2019 at 11:45 am #289609AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
What was the fight about..I know you mentioned borrowing money from her for therapy, you mentioned your father offering you a loan… ?
anita
April 18, 2019 at 12:02 pm #289615lindseyParticipantAnita,
My father offered to give me a few hundred dollars when I moved and I told him I was fine; he had won some money at the casino.
2 days later I texted my mom to Venmo me the money 200-300 dollars because he does not have the app To send cash. She got frustrated and said she doesn’t have money just sitting around and sent me a website on used furniture. (My parents are not rich but comfortable so this is no problem) I then got very upset and said some smart words and that I was not coming down to visit next weekend. I’m in Illinois and they r in Florida. 2 weeks then go by with no talking and I asked her for flight information last night and she threw the argument in my face. I sent out a group text to family and it went downhill from there. My dad ended up having a meltdown I guess and my sister blamed it all on me.
So I had to eat shit basically early this morning and apologize to my mother even though I don’t mean it. She had to be prompted to return the apology.
April 18, 2019 at 12:02 pm #289617lindseyParticipantThey did agree to pay for therapy.
April 18, 2019 at 1:31 pm #289619AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
“They did agree to pay for therapy” is the only sensible sentence in your recent two short posts. If your parents are able, this is what they should spend their money on, your therapy because your young children need an okay mother, a mother that is getting the help she needs!
Your focus on M., this is an indication of you not being well because there are two young children in your care and they matter, not a stranger who bought a drink to a tall blond woman.
I hope I am making sense to you.
anita
April 18, 2019 at 1:58 pm #289631lindseyParticipantYes you are making sense and I’m tired of not being well.
April 18, 2019 at 2:02 pm #289633AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
It will be wonderful, when one day, soon enough, I will read from you how you are being well ! It sure will be. In the meantime see that your actions indicate wellness even though you don’t feel well yet. Don’t drive to M’s house, don’t communicate with him- he is not important, really, he is not. Even though you feel he is important in your life, I feel confident to announce here, on your thread: M is not important in Lindsey’s life.
So look at what IS important.
anita
April 18, 2019 at 3:01 pm #289635lindseyParticipantAnita
Please don’t be mad I’m trying the best I can here. And I’m pretty sure M is seeing/sleeping with S. It is hard to handle right now with everything.
Lindsey
April 18, 2019 at 5:28 pm #289647AnonymousGuestI am not mad, Lindsey. Try to relax best you can, take a hot bath, hot herbal tea, or .. a cold shower, soft music or loud music, something. I will be away from the computer and back in about 13 hours.
anita
April 19, 2019 at 6:44 am #289723lindseyParticipantAnita,
I’m so tired. I feel emotionally unwell. I believe my fixation on M. is not the real problem here. Am I ocd’ing on that to avoid the transition to divorce? I don’t know. Besides being guilty of being a complete dirtbag, we both know he’s free to see whomever and it’s really not my concern.
I know it’s smart to stay out of the drama if he chooses to date different women at work. I don’t want my name associated with any of that. So I’m definitely not saying anything to him or her or driving by his house or anything like that.
Lindsey
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