Dear Lindsey:

This issue is definitely distressing you, partly because you are afraid of what your children will be exposed to (“when you abuse your wife you are going to do it again and I don’t want it to be in front of my kids again”), and partly because your parents think he is “a  good dad and would pick a decent girlfriend”, and it invalidates what you experienced with him.

Meaning, you know he is not a good or decent man, and it is like you can see it but your parents can’t see it, or will not see it (“I feel like I can see everything but no one else can”).

My input today: I believe you that your ex husband was and is not a decent man. I don’t trust your parents’ evaluation of him. I trust yours.

“I’m afraid he is going to build this new life”- not likely, very unlikely. People who don’t have insight into their old life, who don’t make real changes in their thinking and behaviors, don’t build new lives.

Don’t listen to what your mother/ parents say about this man.. or about you, I don’t think they are reliable sources of information.

Try to relax best you can. You can’t control much of what happens, as in this relationship he started with this woman, but you can control what you focus on, to a large extent. Focus on your health because this is what is best for you and for your children.

And post again anytime.

anita

You are very welcome, Lindsey. Thank you for your appreciation!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I read just a bit of your recent post but I will be back to it tomorrow and reply then, in about 13 hours from now. If you want to add anything at all before I return, please do.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I want to understand your situation better, so I looked up Wikipedia’s entry on bipolar disorder. I will ask you a few questions about what I read, not as a medical doctor or a health professional, which I am not, but for the purpose of wanting to understand what you mean by suffering from a bi polar disorder. (As always, you are of course free to not answer any of my questions).

Wikipedia states regarding bi-polar disorder (which is a spectrum of disorders: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar 2 Disorder, and Cyclothemia) : “The core symptom of mania involves an increase in energy of psychomotor activity”, or psychomotor agitation, which Wikipedia defines as “unintentional and purposeless motions and restlessness… Typical manifestations include pacing around a room, wringing the hands, uncontrolled tongue movement, pulling off clothing and putting it back on, and other similar actions. In more severe cases… (ex.) ripping, tearing, or chewing at the skin around one’s fingernails, lips, or other body parts to the point of bleeding”-

1.  Is this true to you, this psychomotor agitation element?

It also reads: “Mania can also present with increased self-esteem or grandiosity… mania is a distinct period of at least one week of elevated or irritable mood, which can range from euphoria to delirium“. Regarding delirium, Wiki states: “It may also involve… perceptual disturbances (e.g. hallucinations and delusions), although these features are not required for diagnosis”

2. Examples from Wiki’s entry on delusions: believing that someone replaced all your internal organs with someone else’s, or that you are under constant police surveillance, or that a news anchor on TV disapproves of you, or that you are a god, or that an extra limb is growing out of the back of your head- did you ever experience delusions?

3. Hallucination are sensing (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensing)  what is not really happening (including sensing such things as insects crawling under one’s skin or being touched by someone when there is no one there). Did you ever experience hallucinations?

4. Did you sometimes, while in a manic stage, experience euphoria- a sense of great unhappiness and well-being- for no apparent reason, as in out of nowhere, and for a long time?

5. Wiki states about grandiosity: “an unrealistic sense of superiority, characterized by a sustained view of one’s self as better than other people, which is expressed by disdainfully viewing them as inferior; and refers to a sense of personal uniqueness, the belief that few other people have anything in common with oneself, and that one can only be understood by a few, very special people”. Do you exhibit grandiosity sometimes?

6. Wiki states: “At the most extreme, a person in a full blown manic state can experience psychosis: a break with reality.. They may feel unstoppable, or as if they have been ‘chosen’ and are on a ‘special mission'”- ever experienced psychosis?

7. When were you diagnosed with bi-polar, what subtype and how does your ex husband use this diagnosis agaist you?

anita

Dear Lindsey:

You wrote: “Look up Bi Polar spectrum disorder and it will match up with me more”- I looked it up and there is no such diagnosis in the latest DSM 5 or the earlier DSM 4.

A “Bi polar Spectrum Disorder” is a term, or a concept, not a diagnosis.

WebMD states: “The bipolar spectrum is a term used to refer to conditions that include not only bipolar disorders .. but also other types of mental conditions that can involve depression or mood swings..- including some impulse control disorders, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, and forms of substance abuse.. Some psychiatrists find the ‘bipolar spectrum’ concept to be a useful framework for thinking about the wider range of mental health problems.”

There are only three bi polar diagnoses in the DSM 5: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar 2 Disorder, and Cyclothemia. If you were not diagnosed with either one of these three, then you were not diagnosed with a bi polar disorder!

You suffer from impulsivity and mood swings and other symptoms, but why take on the identity of being bi polar when you don’t fit any of the three diagnoses for the disorder?

anita

Dear Lindsey:

“Similar to bi polar”, like you wrote. Not bi-polar. It is not a good idea to believe you are bi-polar when you don’t fit the diagnosis because you get confused, misunderstanding yourself, and when you tell  others that, they will misunderstand you.

I know you suffer from symptoms that appear in many diagnoses: OCD, ADD maybe, bi-polar, lots of anxiety fueled disorders, but you are not bi-polar.

I will be away from the computer for a few hours. I hope you feel better soon. (By the way, I was diagnosed in 2011 with bi-polar disorder by a psychiatrist, a diagnosis that my therapist at the time disagreed with, and I disagreed with it myself).

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I want to come back to your thread tomorrow morning when I feel bright eyed and bushy tailed and write to you then (in about 11 hours from now).

anita