Dear Lindsey:

I am fine, thank you. Snowing here second day, now raining. Reads like you are doing well, taking care of business. I like your daughter’s name, Ella. Going to see your parents, particularly your mother for five days, is it something you really want to do???

anita

Dear Lindsey:

Then I hope it will be a very good visit, you seeing all your family and your father’s dog. If there is tension between you and your mother, I guess you will be able to focus on your dad’s dog and other family members. Maybe you will even go to Disneyworld yourself!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

“Things really do come full circle”, but you don’t have to come full circle: you don’t have to get back with M in any way, shape or form.

I am guessing he is lonely, having moved to a different state so he reached out to the .. old girlfriends phone book, what guys do when they are lonely and bored.

Do stay on track!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

Yes, I think it is an excellent idea to block his number. Glad you thought about it!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

Well done then. Looking forward to you keeping me posted!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

Congratulations for buying a condo, how exciting to be  moving there in March this year, two months from now!

Regarding the latest happening with the father of your two children: you can legally stop him from doing anything that is illegal. It is not illegal that he dates or introduces the kids to his girlfriend, nothing you can do about that other than tell him that you don’t feel comfortable about him leaving the kids alone with any person he just met, be it a babysitter or a girlfriend. Tell him to make sure he knows a person well enough, that the person is trustworthy, before leaving the kids alone with that person. (Also, gently and calmly, in a casual way, ask the children who they spent time with and how was their experience.

Also, that he needs to  keep his pick up and drop off times, just like you do. And that he should conclude his dates before the children are scheduled to be with him, so that you don’t drop them at a restaurant where a date is still ongoing!

Regarding his “classic ‘I’m a changed person now Lindsey. I’ve met someone that doesn’t treat me like garbage. I’ve worked out my issues”- no he didn’t work  out his issues, nor is he a changed person, because if he did and was, he would take personal responsibility for his issues instead of blaming you and spewing out the repulsive passive aggressive statements in this very quote.

Maybe it is a good thing for your children if this woman “becomes his primary focus”, because being his primary focus may not be such a good thing. For example, if he tends to criticize the person he is primarily focused on, and she gets to be his primary focus, then he will criticize the children less.

“What exactly is he discussing with her about me and my private things?”- let’s say that he tells her what he said to you, that you treated him like garbage, that he was an angel and you were the devil. Imagine when she learns from very personal experience with him that he is not an angel. She will then be thinking that you weren’t the devil after all. Maybe she will want to talk to you at that point.

You’ve done well purchasing the condo and doing all that you needed to do  to  make it happen. You are doing well remaining employed, staying out of disruptive sorts of relationships with men, K and M before him, and the long distance other man, so you are doing very well. Keep at it, and don’t let this very soon to be ex husband spoil your excellent progress!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

You are welcome. To see to it that your kids are okay, keep the communication with them going. Ask them questions in a calm tone of voice, and in a casual ways. Listen to what they say and if they say something you don’t understand, or something that alarms you, ask them about it, but again, in a calm, casual way. If they hear you anxious and alarmed when you ask them questions, they are not likely to give you the information you need. They may want to protect you from any information that will alarm you further.

So show them that you are calm enough and strong enough to hear their truth, whatever it is. If they tell you this or that and it alarms you, you are welcome to share it with me and I’ll give you my input.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

Reads like what it is- is just what you wrote: “because we were married for a long time”- and this  means there is still some emotional attachment that you feel for him. No indication of it in anything you shared in your 54 page thread except for when you wrote about him having a girlfriend, or maybe having a girlfriend (first time many pages ago and second time, on this page). It looks like you don’t feel any attachment to him except when you see him with another woman, or when you imagine him with another woman.

Being tired makes any distress more distressing. I hope you rest soon.

anita