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December 4, 2019 at 11:01 am #326013
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
“Some things have happened with K in the last few days that came to a head today”- I read what happened, and… nothing happened.
Same-old-same-old nothing.
Don’t worry about it because (again) nothing happened.
My Thanksgiving was low key as well. I hope you rest and enjoy your day off, maybe catch the movies?
anita
December 4, 2019 at 11:06 am #326017
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Possibly a movie. Definitely a pedicure. Talk to you soon,
Lindsey
December 4, 2019 at 11:22 am #326019lindseyParticipantAnita,
I feel like I tend to make a bigger deal out of things than I should. It’s like my brain is a magnifying glass emotionally. Do you think it’s from anxiety? I’m just trying to figure out if this stuff has always been here. It’s frustrating because I feel like things that happened to me in my marriage has continued to put my anxiety on steroids per say. I also wrote something above.
Lindsey
December 4, 2019 at 11:43 am #326029AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Possibly a movie, definitely a pedicure is a good enough plan for tomorrow.
Magnifying the negatives is the name of one of the thought distortions I was taught in CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a common thing the brain does, magnifying something negative and then getting overwhelmed by how big it is. When it really is not big.
Your anxiety started before your marriage, when your mother expelled you out of her life. You were not prepared for it. Then came your marriage.
anita
December 5, 2019 at 6:19 am #326139lindseyParticipantAnita,
last night I get a phone call around 8am. K is calling and asking me if I was following him around at work today. Obviously this is not true a very ugly conversation followed. He said some really awful things like he heard I drove by Marks house and went crazy etc.
I told him again to leave me alone. I blocked his number and blocked him on all my social media. I want to ask to move desks at work.
i feel really really awful right now. Physically and mentally.
lindsey
December 5, 2019 at 6:36 am #326143AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
What an unpleasant development! This put the E to the Ending of this whatever-it-was with K.
You now have a reputation at work, having dated/kind-of-dated Mark and K, two male co workers. Do have your desk moved so you are no longer sitting anywhere close to K, and remove any and all ideas of romantic relationships with any co worker, now and forevermore.
The key now is damage control. Do not escalate the situation in any way. Zero contact with K. Make it clear to him, if you haven’t so far, that there will be zero contact between the two of you.
Damage control for the rest of the day. Let me know how it works.
anita
December 5, 2019 at 10:58 am #326183lindseyParticipantAnita,
Damage control status:
1. The rumors about mark were not going all around the office like he said. I spoke with 2-3 different people this morning that r friends from different areas/friend groups/male and female if there were any rumors 8 months ago. All of them said no not at all.
2. It doesn’t appear I have a reputation in the office and I never dated K.
3. absolutely no more men dating/possible dating in the office.4. Moving desk pending work tomorrow. It’s a big deal to move your desk and people will talk so need to make sure it’s needed.
Lindsey
December 5, 2019 at 11:21 am #326187AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Excellent Damage Control Status Report (DCSR). I know you didn’t really date these two co workers and I figure there is a lot of inter-company sort of dating/ hanging out situations for a good number of employees, past and present, so don’t lose sleep over this. But I do hope you can meet a decent, interested man elsewhere.
“People will talk”- if they do talk about you, it will be temporary as something new comes up, some other story, some other person to talk about.. and then the talker gets her turn too, to be talked about.
anita
December 6, 2019 at 4:12 am #326279lindseyParticipantAnita,
Feeling back to square one. All the negative things that come with my anxiety back. Because I never seem to learn. Same mistakes over and over again. So old.
I am not able to avoid doing destructive things. I’m hit over the head with not a good idea but I do it anyway because I’m desperate for male affection.Changing all my routes at work. Not walking around. Not leaving desk. Wearing headphones.
Lindsey
December 6, 2019 at 5:34 am #326283AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You are being way too hard on yourself. It is not true that you “never seem to learn”- you made lots of good choices in regard to K over time and other good choices in other areas.
“because I’m desperate for male affection”- how many millions of people make poor choices because they are desperate for affection, men and women in all parts of the world, all walks of life, anywhere and everywhere, including most if not every single person at your workplace.
And you should walk around from time to time, it’s not good to stay seated for hours!
anita
December 6, 2019 at 6:56 am #326309lindseyParticipantAnita,
I appreciate your message. You are always kind and at the same time direct. It’s what I need. I am too hard on myself; I except a lot from myself. Changing “I never seem to learn” to “red flags were there from the beginning. In the future, learn to listen to your intuition and it will save much future distress.”
I will walk today, it will just be in a different area from my normal walk. I hope your day is going well.
Lindsey
December 6, 2019 at 7:10 am #326313AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You are welcome. You did an excellent job in your recent post changing the way you evaluate yourself and the situation, from being unrealistic and hard on yourself to being realistic and kind to yourself. See, how you do learn!
My day is fine so far, still dark out but I can see the outline of trees.
anita
December 15, 2019 at 11:43 am #327683AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
How are you?
anita
December 15, 2019 at 2:34 pm #327713lindseyParticipantAnita!
I am well and hope you are too. Today consisted of a long walk and buying an aloe plant. Thinking of getting one for my boss for Christmas; I really like this plant. It’s the little things I guess lol. Making some salads for lunch this week and planning for Wednesday at work. Our section is having a Christmas food day and I’m bringing in deserts.
After that odd and troubling thing with K I retreated a bit and the slowly made my way back. I avoid him and he sat his plant I bought him on a coworkers desk who brought it to me and was like what the hell. So I just took it back and have more plants lol. I’ve definitely moved on and learned some lessons. Work is very busy just focused on that and the kids. I may have found a townhouse over the weekend I’ll keep you posted.
The yoga and goats was awesome if I didn’t tell you. Talk soon,
Lindsey
December 15, 2019 at 3:09 pm #327727AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I am well, thank you. I used to love aloe Vera, used the 99% pure form sold in health food stores for my skin. The plant grows in the desert, as far as I remember. It is a good thing the K thing calmed down, leave him in the past. Good to read you are “just focused on that (work) and the kids”- can’t be anything better than that for you kids!
The yoga and goats were awesome, excellent!
anita
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