Anita,

Not sure where to start.  Time feels like it is going by super fast.  I hope you had a good Thanksgiving.  Mine was pretty low key and low stress.  My ex and I got along fine during brunch, then we took the kids to the movies, and I took them to a friends house to see her bunny.  They stayed the night with their dad because I had to work the next day.

Some things have happened with K in the last few days that came to a head today.  He continued trying to reach out to me in small ways at work and I pretty much ignored.  However, he spoke with me directly yesterday thanking me for handling a file of his.  I blocked him from most of social media and he continued to view some of my pics on Instragram.  This morning I basically said to myself, I’m going to tell him exactly how I feel. So here is what I wrote:

• “I need to get this off my chest.  Where things bothering me that I never said to you? yes.
• Were you being an as*hole the last 2-3 weeks before I said leave me alone? yes.
• Did I find out a few things I seem to need from someone I like that might be a little extra b/c of what happened to me in my marriage? yeah.  I found out that sometimes I need reassurance and that my anxiety sometimes flares up over dumb stuff and that I feel like anyone that enters my life will leave me or disappoint me? yes.
• But I don’t know that I’m willing to ask anyone for reassurance. And you have a disease that you are not willing to get help for. And it effects all your relationships.  Do I blame you? Absolutely not. At 30 I was working at a horse barn for $9 an hour running away from all my problems.

This morning he asked to talk with me.  I was really nervous so it’s kind of foggy in my head.  But I told him I was sick of riding on his roller coaster.  He is very up and down.  He would not address or discuss the stuff about him in my message.  I told him I’m not surprised at all about that.  He wanted me to not be upset with  him, basically for everything to be fine.  He didn’t want me to be mentally upset all the time with him or anything.  I told him that we were not dating so I’m not really upset it’s just we both have issues and I’m learning stuff about myself sense my divorce.  He agreed we both have issues and that going through a divorce is really hard.

So what have I learned from this?  I’ve learned that sometimes not saying anything is the best closure.  That if you know what is going to happen or what has happened in the past, you shouldn’t be surprised that you feel disappointment and some sadness.  That’s exactly why I got off the ride.  I’m struggling to feel good about my self.  I’m struggling with the fact that I feel I have so many problems with my relationships.  So I’m taking tomorrow off as my one personal day off a month for me to refocus and try and feel better about myself.

Lindsey

Anita,

Possibly a movie.  Definitely a pedicure.  Talk to you soon,

Lindsey

Anita!

I am well and hope you are too.  Today consisted of a long walk and buying an aloe plant. Thinking of getting one for my boss for Christmas; I really  like this plant. It’s the little things I guess lol.  Making some salads for lunch this week and planning for Wednesday at work.  Our section is having a Christmas food day and I’m bringing in deserts.

After that odd and troubling thing with K I retreated a bit and the slowly made my way back.  I avoid him and he sat his plant I bought him on a coworkers desk who brought  it to me and was like what the hell.  So I just took it back and have more plants lol.   I’ve definitely moved on and learned some lessons.  Work is very busy just focused on that and the kids.  I may have found a townhouse over the weekend I’ll keep you posted.

The yoga and goats was awesome if I didn’t tell you.  Talk soon,

Lindsey