Home→Forums→Relationships→Need advice asap
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October 29, 2019 at 12:01 pm #320425
lindseyParticipantAnita,
No problem. Enjoy your Halloween!
Lindsey
October 29, 2019 at 12:30 pm #320429
AnonymousGuestYou too, Lindsey!
anita
October 29, 2019 at 6:45 pm #320461
GaryParticipantGo no contact , positively. Divorce is ugly and painful , but your mission now is to work on you. Clear your head , you don’t need a relationship to find and heal yourself , it will only complicate matters. You are awesome . You are worthy. Don’t be insecure. Many people fall into this trap and rebound to a mistake. Take your time , it will come.
November 1, 2019 at 8:10 am #320843lindseyParticipantAnita,
I hope you enjoyed your Halloween and stayed warm. The kids and I had a lot of fun. I coordinated my daughter’s 2nd grade party and we went indoor trick or treating because it was so cold out.
I am disappointed in myself. I broke a rule last night and messaged K asked if he was ok because he is having a bad week. I am annoyed with myself and feel a bit ashamed. The rules are in place for a reason. I saw my counselor yesterday and sometimes afterwards I want to reach out to him. I don’t know if it’s because we talk about him and I’m wanting to resolve things or what, I’m not sure.
He did respond that he was fine just having a bad week. This is a dumb mess that I keep circling and I’m sick of it. At least I wasn’t OCD’ing about it yesterday.
Lindsey
November 1, 2019 at 9:17 am #320851AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I didn’t mention this about the rules: you are allowed one time to break them and this one time was yesterday. So you are okay!
I didn’t celebrate Halloween because I live in such an area where there are not trick or treaters, except Hunter the dog, he did visit yesterday and got a big bone as a treat. He was very, very happy with his treat!
anita
November 1, 2019 at 11:00 am #320861lindseyParticipantAnita,
Thank goodness I am allowed to break the rules once lol. I feel a little less like a fool.
Sounds like Hunter the dog is a pretty cool guy. Hope you enjoy your weekend & talk soon.
Lindsey
November 1, 2019 at 11:12 am #320867AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Hunter the dog is a very cool guy. I wish you and your children a very good weekend!
anita
November 5, 2019 at 9:09 am #321523lindseyParticipantAnita,
We are filing with the courthouse for the divorce in about an hour and I am a bit nervous. I am going to start reaching out to a realtor in the next few weeks and get pre-approved for a loan.
I am reading up on how to remove someone from your life that you feel is not healthy for you and well, it’s pretty hard stuff to do. I am sick of getting my feelings hurt and having expectations. I feel like my kindness is being taken advantage of. Looking back I definitely should not have made cupcakes (mostly for him) last Wednesday and then he acted rude that day. I have kept to my rules and he is not talking at all. I am countinuing to true and focus on me and my kids but it’s hard. Especially when I think about him dating someone in the near future. I have anxiety that he might date someone now.
Lindsey
November 5, 2019 at 10:47 am #321541AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I assume you are in the courthouse as I am typing this. How did it go???
How rude of K to be rude to you on a day you baked cupcakes for him. Hardly anyone responds to cupcake with rudeness!
I think that the rules regarding K need an adjustment- how about completely ignoring him, acting as if he is not there?
anita
November 5, 2019 at 12:03 pm #321575lindseyParticipantAnita,
We have to go to the courthouse on Friday am to file. We have to go in together and thought we could do most online.
I think I am ready to make the next step with K and adjust to ignoring. I know that is the best thing for me and I believe that it will be hard to do at first but in the end the best for me. I just walked past him in the hall and he didn’t look at me but was on the phone. I don’t know. This is hard to navigate for me.
Lindsey
November 5, 2019 at 12:10 pm #321581AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
It is a good thing that you are proceeding with making the divorce legal, and you mentioned seeing a realtor, maybe buying a place for yourself. These are positive steps in the right direction. You are doing well.
As far as K, yes, ignore him, let it be the new rule, only one regarding him: initiate nothing, and if he says hi, say hi in return at the most, because it is your workplace, just hi or good morning, however he greets you, if he does and when he does, greets him back the same way. If he texts you, I wouldn’t text him back.
anita
November 5, 2019 at 12:26 pm #321585lindseyParticipantAnita,
Agreed. I will keep you posted. Have a good Tuesday.
Lindsey
November 5, 2019 at 12:34 pm #321591AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Have a good rest of Tuesday yourself and looking forward to your next post.
anita
November 8, 2019 at 8:14 am #322123lindseyParticipantAnita,
I have been noting this week on my calendar that I was feeling a little down, not as great as I was feeling for the last 3-4 weeks. Also, I told K last night that I was done and to leave me alone. Long story short, there have been a few things that have happened in the last 2-3 weeks that have been leading to me saying this to him. It’s interesting because I thought I would be more upset than I am; I’m not sad at all actually. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I feel pretty proud of myself. I think this things will become easier to do as I continue to heal and realize what is good/bad for me.
Lindsey
November 8, 2019 at 8:21 am #322125AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I am proud of you too for telling K that you are done and to leave you alone. Excellent. This is way overdue. I understand that you feel a little down- endure it, let it be. Over time this feeling will change. Even today, in one day, you will feel differently later from how you feel now. Feelings change like the weather, a grey sky turns light blue and bright when the sun comes out of the clouds.
I like your last sentence in your recent post, especially the second part that I will italicize: “I think these things will become easier to do as I continue to heal and realize what is good/bad for me.”
anita
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