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October 14, 2019 at 12:00 pm #317825
lindseyParticipantAnita,
So far so good. My breaks are more 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours depending. I’d like to understand why I seek out more chaos when I’m in chaos. It’s almost like a drug addict. Only afterwards everything is so clear and seems so easy.
But like people with bipolar disorder who get off their meds when the feel better, I tend to take up unhealthy habits when I’ve been well for awhile. Caffeine, bad food, more projects, etc
Lindsey
October 14, 2019 at 12:25 pm #317829
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I don’t know if you do “seek out more chaos when (you are) in chaos”- how specifically do you believe that you are seeking chaos??
anita
October 14, 2019 at 12:36 pm #317833lindseyParticipantAnita,
I feel like I tend to take on more duties or stress when I’m stressed instead of doing the opposite- common sense would be take a break at work, walk around. For example, I started looking at condos a week or two ago online and drove by a few places. Got a little concerned about what I wanted versus what I can afford. It is hard for me to walk out of that busy grocery store which seems like common sense. I’m looking up erratic behaviors with mental illness because I feel like that word fits very well.
Lindsey
October 14, 2019 at 12:47 pm #317839AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I don’t think that you seek chaos. What happens is that when we experience distress, or chaos of the mind, it is like dust from underneath rises to the air of where we are walking and the more we walk the more dust until we can’t see where we are going, so we stumble into things and into walls.
Thing to do when we experience distress is to intentionally take a time out to calm down, so that all that dust settles and we can see where we are and what it is we should do next.
When distressed, when feeling that chaos in the brain, our logic gets incapacitated. What to do next? Calm the distress and resurrect that logic.
anita
October 15, 2019 at 11:27 am #318001lindseyParticipantAnita,
I think I need to work on making things daily habits that are calming so that when I do experience distress and start to go downhill, I have my habits to try and help me as much as they can. I’ve also cut out drinking coffee, switched to hot tea, no soda, and am researching eating foods that help with anxiety. Looking into eating less gluten. I already am taking supplements that help anxiety.
Going to try and just build things around me that help me mentally. I used to have that before kids and then it was all kind of stripped away because the kids were my first priority. K continues to be quiet and not talking. I kind of hope it says that way to an extent. It’s more peaceful for me in general.
Lindsey
October 15, 2019 at 12:18 pm #318023AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Excellent- cutting down on coffee, switching to tea, no sodas, experimenting with less or no gluten, see if that help and “making things daily habits that are calming”- very useful for anxious people. And the best thing you can do for your children (them being your first priority) is a calmer mother!
Keep at it, Lindsey, good job if I may say so.
anita
October 16, 2019 at 9:25 am #318215AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
How are you today??
anita
October 16, 2019 at 10:07 am #318223lindseyParticipantAnita,
I am well. I was just thinking of writing to you today sometime earlier this morning. Work is very busy and takes a lot out of me. I’m hoping it will get better.
My mood is good and it will be for awhile. I’m doing some research on diet, slowly getting rid of things each day. My mom is coming Saturday – Wednesday. There are a lot of Halloween activities going on around town so it should be fine. I’m going to try and go to some but also have her be with them by herself. Not sure how much I can be around her. When I’m feeling good we seem to get along better.
K does not even talk to me at all across the wall since Monday. I am not sure how to take this. I try to remember past behavior but sometimes I worry that he is mad at me? I feel like sending a message saying “are you upset with me” is definitely NOT the right thing to do. I haven’t said anything to him besides hi on Monday. I can’t reach out because that’s breaking the rules. So i’m kind of stuck.
Lindsey
October 16, 2019 at 11:07 am #318225
AvrilParticipantYou will regret doing anything like speaking to him or going to his house. You said you felt that you came across as a little desperate – there’s nothing quite like proving this than insisting on closure. Write a letter to yourself – about what you’ve learned about yourself and how you’ll approach new relationships from now on. Treat him as any other at work – otherwise you’ll look bad amongst other co workers.
October 16, 2019 at 11:31 am #318235lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yes I agree 100%. I will continue doing what I’ve been doing. Coming into work and working (lol) and acting normal.
What I’ve learned is that I am not really read to date #1. #2 I could do better ( I know that reads kind of harsh but it is true) #3. Setting boundaries are not as hard as I thought they were and I need to have more of them in place.
Lindsey
October 16, 2019 at 11:45 am #318237AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I am glad you are sticking to the rules- keep at it! Regarding your mother- minimize time spend with her. If and when you do spend time with her and you are getting stressed- leave, cut the visit short.
Regarding your second post, you did notice that it is someone else who replied to you right above it, right?
I don’t know why K is not talking to you. But for as long as you follow the rules, you have a better chance of figuring it out over time. If you asked him you will be interrupting your chances of getting the information that you need.
anita
October 16, 2019 at 12:46 pm #318245lindseyParticipantAnita,
I read Avril post thinking it was you hahahaha!! You are so smart “if you asked him you will be interrupting the chances of getting the information that you need.” Thank you for always making me feel better. I’ll talk with you later.
Lindsey
October 16, 2019 at 1:47 pm #318253AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
And you are making me feel better saying I am smart. Thank you! And talk to you later, hope you a good rest of the day.
anita
October 17, 2019 at 9:15 am #318405lindseyParticipantAnita,
As the morning passes on, the more I hear K laughing with his coworkers the more annoyed I get. I just do not understand this at all. While I think it is best for us not to have any type of close friendship this really bothers me and hurts my feelings. I was just wondering your thoughts. I know there have been periods when he has not talked to me but never when I sit across the wall from him like this and hear him talking to other people. It is just really hurtful.
Lindsey
October 17, 2019 at 10:22 am #318421AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
It annoys me just reading about it, imagining the scenario. I think I would be feeling the same. I think: stay with your rules, stick to them. Over time you will figure out the why. Maybe he just doesn’t care. This is a hurtful thought, isn’t it. I know it is. But if this is reality, that he doesn’t care, better feel the sadness that goes with it and accept it, instead of keeping the hope alive. I think this is why the rules are good for you- if you don’t text him, you don’t get confusing messages that keep your hope alive. You get to see how he behaves without you initiating contact.
Reads like he doesn’t care. How does that make you feel, reading these words?
anita
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