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July 28, 2019 at 7:38 am #305319
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You and him made plans for today, Sunday. You texted him last and he didn’t return your text. If he doesn’t contact you today, after making plans with you, you got your answer right there- cannot depend on him for anything. Nothing to do after that. Don’t initiate another text today, don’t contact him. If he doesn’t contact you, don’t contact him anymore, not today, not tomorrow. Don’t suggest again to get together with him, and if he suggests that Monday or any day after, tell him it is not a good idea.
It is a shame because I know that you enjoyed his company and it could be a wonderful friendship (or more) for you if he was emotionally well enough, available, willing and able.
anita
July 28, 2019 at 7:41 am #305321
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Ok. Ok. I will keep you posted.
Lindsey
July 28, 2019 at 7:47 am #305325AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I hope he contacts you and follows up on the plans. I will wait to read from you.
anita
July 28, 2019 at 3:55 pm #305389lindseyParticipantAnita,
Its 6pm. I never heard from him. This is really really awful. I feel awful. What’s worse is he’s done it before it’s nothing new yet I walked right into it.
My feelings are just really hurt by all the stuff he was saying Thursday and Friday to me. It’s taking a lot not to text him but I’m not. I might go to bed soon I keep crying.
Lindsey
July 28, 2019 at 5:25 pm #305395lindseyParticipantAnita,
First off thank goodness I haven’t done anything with K and thank goodness I never sent an upset text and let things ride. Just got a text from him saying he had to go home (2 hours away) yesterday and got home way later than expected. So we’ve got a problem with communication which was already evident. ( he could have told me this way before 7pm tonight.) but he’s also got a single mom with a special needs brother and no dad in the picture. And that’s all I know. There is much more I’m sure. So I didn’t ask much. What a mess.
lindsey
July 29, 2019 at 6:34 am #305473AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
It is a good thing he didn’t completely forgot that you had plans yesterday. Interesting that his mother is a single mother and dad out of the picture while K himself is out of the picture in his own daughter’s life, who I guess is being raised by a single mother.
If you ever get any details about K’s relationships and feelings, past and present, regarding his mother, father, brother, do share- it will help me understand him better.
anita
July 29, 2019 at 6:42 am #305475lindseyParticipantAnita,
So far I know he’s the oldest of 3 boys. His mom worked 2 jobs when he was growing up and he says he raised his middle brother. The youngest has Asberger’s syndrome and lives with his mom. They grew up poor and he hasn’t seen his dad since he was 14. Dad couldn’t keep a job. He’s very intoverted. Very into computers.
His mom likes to gamble. I don’t know if that’s just for fun or an issue. There are no pictures of him and his family on his Facebook.
July 29, 2019 at 6:54 am #305481AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
No pictures of him and his family on Facebook, maybe because he doesn’t have fun spending time with them, so he doesn’t want reminders (photos) of non- fun times. He was probably overwhelmed with the responsibility of raising his middle brother… maybe this is why he is avoiding the responsibility of raising or helping to raise his daughter. Maybe he hates responsibility so much that he avoids following up on plans. And he may avoid close relationships for the same reason, avoid finding himself in his childhood unpleasant situation of being responsible for his middle brother.
His caretaking role with his middle brother is just part of the dynamic in his home of origin. Reads to me that it was a bad experience for him.
anita
July 29, 2019 at 11:49 am #305509lindseyParticipantAnita,
I felt late last night and early this am some general anxiety. I think maybe I’m having a cycle. I’m also struggling right now. I had this idea because I have August 8th off so asked K if he could take some type off too. I feel like I did this a little impulsively. Well I internally flipped out when he said there probably wasn’t time because I was looking at my tier (tier 2-3) and not his tier (tier 1). In my area there is time available to request off for that day. So he said give him a minute to look. Well it’s been probably 30 minutes or more. And I’m having a lot of anxiety. I’m just feeling very vulnerable first for asking, 2 he didn’t seem eager, and 3 it’s been awhile not a minute. So now I’m in libo and wanting to just send a text saying forget it but not wanting to send anything. And waiting for him to reply.
Lindsey
July 29, 2019 at 12:07 pm #305513lindseyParticipantAnita,
Just sent a response a few minutes ago stating not to worry about it, I might not take the day off anyway. I never heard back.
Lindsey
July 29, 2019 at 12:11 pm #305515AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
It worked for you yesterday when you didn’t text him (“thank goodness I never sent an upset text and let things ride. Just got a text from him”)- do the same today, don’t text him to forget it or anything, let things ride and it is likely to work for you again, just like it did yesterday.
Calm yourself, you can do it. It is tiring to do it again and again, relaxing, but do it anyway. Keep me posted.
* Just read your latest post. Well, don’t send another text.
anita
July 29, 2019 at 12:18 pm #305519lindseyParticipantAnita,
Not sending anything else. I think the reason I’m the most upset-just went in the bathroom-is because it’s really hitting me how unhealthy this friendship really is for me. I don’t think he behaviors today or yesterday have been very appropriate.
Lindsey
July 29, 2019 at 12:36 pm #305531AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Like I wrote you before, it is not healthy for you to be friends with a person who is not reliable. You need someone solid in your life, someone you can count on, not someone flaky.
anita
July 29, 2019 at 1:08 pm #305537AnonymousGuestOne more thing: what specifically are you referring to his behaviors today and yesterday being inappropriate?
anita
July 29, 2019 at 1:11 pm #305541lindseyParticipantAnita,
A better word would be flaky/confusing. For example, I texted him Saturday night about Sunday plans to confirm. Never heard back until Sunday at 7pm. Also today he seemed to give excuses like he did not want to hang out on August 8th.
But on Thursday and Friday- basically a few days priors-he is telling me how nice I look, asked to hang out Sunday, and was making PG rated sexual/flirty comments via text on Friday night.
Lindsey
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