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July 18, 2019 at 11:26 am #303815
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Do you think it is a mistake being his friend? I’ve never been friends with someone I was also interested in. I just want to make sure I’m doing the best thing for myself.
Lindsey
July 18, 2019 at 12:03 pm #303817
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
“I feel like my anxiety was not nearly as bad as it’s been in the past”- it is about progress, anxiety being less and less over time, patiently noticing it is less.
“I just want to make sure I’m doing the best thing for myself”- excellent motivation, keep your focus on it.
Do I think it is a mistake being his friend when you are or were interested in more… I don’t think it is a mistake as long as your anxiety is less, as long as you experience progress in your well-being, and you have been experiencing progress recently. I think that as long as you don’t have sex with him, you will be okay.
anita
July 19, 2019 at 8:03 am #303933lindseyParticipantAnita,
I agree. No sex with K lol. Sounds good. Talk to you soon.
Lindsey
July 19, 2019 at 8:09 am #303937AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Talk to you soon, looking forward to it.
anita
July 22, 2019 at 1:23 pm #304393lindseyParticipantAnita,
I hope you had a good weekend. Mine was very peaceful. I spent time with myself until Sunday and then I took the kids to lunch and to the pet store. My ex is sending me a contract rough draft he has been working on this week and I’m going to review it. We have not set up a meeting with a mediator yet.
I am still talking with K. It is going very well I enjoy our friendship very much. Other than that things are normal which is a good thing.
Lindsey
July 23, 2019 at 7:20 am #304475AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
My weekend was fine, thank you, too hot Sunday (cooler Monday). I am glad to read you had a very peaceful weekend, see: it is possible for you to have peaceful days, keep doing what you are doing to bring about this peace.
Anxiety doesn’t go away, but over time it can lessen. Don’t get alarmed the next time you get anxious, manage yourself well when it happens (post here anytime you want), and ride that next wave well, making it to yet another peaceful experience.
anita
July 23, 2019 at 8:39 am #304485lindseyParticipantAnita,
I’m having a rough morning. So last night I was texting with Kiel and he mentioned that he heard that M and I were sleeping together at one time awhile ago. At first I didn’t know what to say. And he was really good about it and didn’t judge-said we all make mistakes, etc. I was ok but now that I’m at work I feel really exposed and have some anxiety. I mean I do not know the extent of the rumor but I know it stopped awhile ago according to him.
He then said that is basically the reason he has not made a move because he hates to be talked about in the office. I said I didn’t think he would make a move in the future either and he said “maybe, maybe not.” I feel really conflicted because the more I get to know him the more I like him. I mean he handled the situation well and he didn’t try anything after he heard the rumor.
I just feel again really exposed.
Lindsey
July 23, 2019 at 9:33 am #304501AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
If I remember correctly, he told you that he had a one night stand with a woman from work, didn’t he say that to you recently?
It is not a good idea to have romantic relationships with co workers, I told you so before and K told you that as well, it makes sense.
If he made the same mistake as you did, then the two of you have something in common, right?
anita
July 23, 2019 at 9:38 am #304505lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yes we do. Here is the problem. I like him and I’m pretty sure he likes me too. And I feel conflicted. Because dating coworkers of course can cause issues but I feel like that might be the course we are headed on. He’s not backing off, because he said “maybe, maybe not.” But he is also not in a hurry and neither am I at this point.
Lindsey
July 23, 2019 at 10:11 am #304509AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
The fact that the two of you made the same mistake makes it so that you have something in common, similar experience, and both motivated to not make the same mistake again. Maybe it is about figuring out how to not make the same mistake, how to make this different. If you remain friends, that is different, but if the two of you are to get romantic/ physical.. how can it be done differently, is the question.
anita
July 23, 2019 at 10:15 am #304511lindseyParticipantAnita,
Thank you. You are able to bring some of my confusion to light in your words. It seems I need to always remember that there is no hurry and what is meant to happen will. I really enjoy his friendship. I think that we can talk as we continue to see where things go and make it different for the better if we decide to take our friendship anywhere further. Thank you for your advice. I am feeling better.
Lindsey
July 23, 2019 at 10:50 am #304523AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You are welcome. Glad you are feeling better. Post again whenever you need to.
anita
July 24, 2019 at 2:04 pm #304759lindseyParticipantAnita,
So I have not talked much with K today. Which is totally normal and we have discussed in the past that you don’t talk with someone all the time everyday etc. But I’ve had anxiety today because of the little contact and I’m not sure why I have this anxiety. It feels like butterflies in my stomach and I have to take deep breaths. I tell myself that everything is fine but still the anxiety is there. Why is there this need for reassurance? I do not remember having this need in the past before I was married or even when I was married.
I know that he is my friend and will continue talking to me. I just want to know why and why can’t I get a grip?
Lindsey
July 24, 2019 at 4:34 pm #304777AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Feeling anxious and having the same type of thoughts that cause anxiety is a habit-of-the-mind. The brain habitually thinks the same kinds of thoughts and habitually it releases chemicals that bring about the uncomfortable anxiety. So nothing special needs to happen in any particular day for an anxious person to feel anxious yet again.
It takes a lot of practice and patience to calm down this habitual anxiety and very slowly build a different kind of habit of the mind, that of calm.
I will be away from the computer for a while. I hope you feel better already, or soon enough.
anita
July 26, 2019 at 10:16 am #305021lindseyParticipantAnita,
After I spoke with you last K texted. And yesterday was pretty crazy. He was flirting a lot-more than he ever has-and asked me to hang out on Sunday. He told me I looked really cute yesterday. I was like wow. But today I have not heard from him yet and it’s about 12:14 where I am. This should be normal. I am repeating to myself that everything is fine. I will talk to him later. I do not want my anxiety to take away from my happiness. I am a little bit surprised by his behavior. He stated he is starting to loosen up around me; its hard to trust someone who is new.
Can you provide any support for me and my anxiety? I feel like we might be moving forward a little even if it’s at a snail’s pace which is totally fine with me. I don’t want my anxiety to get in the way. I know that him not texting me yet means nothing but my anxiety tells me otherwise.
Lindsey
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