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June 2, 2019 at 12:22 pm #297041
lindseyParticipantAnita,
no text. I’m starting to get pissed. I do not understand. We had tenitive plans tonight at his house after 5. I’m not sure what to do.
Lindsey
June 2, 2019 at 1:00 pm #297049lindseyParticipantAnita,
i ended up sending him a text asking what was wrong and I was in no hurry to move anything along if my texts were giving that impression. I just don’t understand. I said if anything we r friends and he can tell me if something is wron.
lindsey
June 2, 2019 at 2:48 pm #297063lindseyParticipantAnita,
I’m seriously living in the twilight zone. He just sent a text saying he put his phone away and did his own thing his roommate s ex was in town and it was weird. I said I was sorry that I jump to conclusions too soon sometimes and no worries.
Jesus H. He said no big deal he understands. Honestly like I give up. I mean I did over react but he acted weird and we kind of had plans. I’m lost.
Lindsey
June 2, 2019 at 3:11 pm #297073
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
What about the tentative plans for tonight after 5 pm?
And what about his roommate’s ex in town, is he involved in a drama between his roommate and the roommate’s ex?
anita
June 2, 2019 at 3:20 pm #297075lindseyParticipantAnita,
we had made plans earlier in the week for me to come over and watch a show on Netflix today.
i do not know much about this ex. I was over last Monday when the roommate Tony mentioned her coming and bringing a dog for him to see. I don’t know what kind of drama is going on. Tony is a bit of a mess and my impression is K sometimes kind of looks after him.
I guess a good thing was my text sent earlier wasn’t mean just worried. I think K sometimes just goes off the grid so to speak. I think it’s just something I’m going to have to keep in mind.
Lindsey
June 2, 2019 at 3:26 pm #297079AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Off the grid you say, and it involved drinking and a hangover, I suppose . What about tonight?
* Will be back in a few hours.
anita
June 2, 2019 at 3:34 pm #297081lindseyParticipantAnita,
Nothing tonight he didn’t mention us hanging out just said it was a really weird weekend with her in town.
I don’t know about his communication skills. What I should have done was enjoy my day and not text him or worry. That is what a normal person without anxiety would do. I just hope he wasn’t weirded out about my text.
Lindsey
June 2, 2019 at 4:39 pm #297085AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
He has plenty of people to be weirded out about, the ex of his roommate, maybe his roommate too and himself as well. What I am saying, if you are weird, Lindsey, you are not the only one!
And who is that “normal person without anxiety”?
Again, you are not the only anxious person, I think everyone is anxious, some more than others.
anita
June 3, 2019 at 7:36 am #297149lindseyParticipantAnita,
First I want to thank you for being there for me yesterday and being patient. Late last night K texted again apologizing for yesterday and not communicating better. I would say that is a good sign. I explained that I over reacted and it is not a problem, not to worry about it. However, I am disappointed in myself. I have got to get better with my anxiety. I have got to not focus so much on K for my current happiness. It is really hard because my brain wants to focus on him and be OCD about things and it just really sucks in general.
Lindsey
June 3, 2019 at 8:00 am #297155AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You are welcome. It is easy for me to be here for you because I like you, I do. Try to not be disappointed in yourself, instead be kind and gentle to yourself in the way you think about yourself, the way you interpret your anxiety and the OCD you mentioned.
You didn’t choose anxiety and OCD, who would choose such an unpleasant experience? Well, no one, I say. So think instead of: I-am-disappointed-in-myself! Think: I-suffer-so-much, and I don’t deserve to suffer, what can I do to help myself, to feel better..?
So far K reads like a nice guy. Remember what I wrote to you earlier, when you feel that you are weird and overreacting, remember.. you are not the only one. You have lots of company, and sometimes K himself feels weird, I am sure. You can ask him, he’ll probably tell you himself!
anita
June 3, 2019 at 11:50 am #297205lindseyParticipantAnita,
I definitely need to work on being kind to myself. I meet with my counselor this Thursday which will be a good thing. I am going over to K’s house tonight, he asked me this morning. Well, I’ll tell you how it goes.
Lindsey
June 3, 2019 at 12:10 pm #297211AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Well, do work on being kind to yourself. K’s house tonight, well, that is something to look forward to!
anita
June 4, 2019 at 7:36 am #297311lindseyParticipantAnita,
Last night was very relaxed at K’s house. It is difficult to work around him not pushing for any type of intimacy, basically that would move things forward to the next level. I do believe this is better overall for my anxiety. It allows me to slowly adjust to learning about him. Taking a step towards intimacy of any kind would maybe make me feel pressure (not sure why) and I think my anxiety would go haywire. I don’t understand this about myself.
We were texting when I got home later. I’m a bit nervous. We ended up talking about our ex’s and what we regret. He stated it seemed like there was some serious mental abuse in my marriage. He said he just got that impression with hints I’ve made and I had mentioned control being an issue. I kind of just sat there on my phone b/c there is so much more to the story you know? There’s 6-7 years of varying degrees and types of abuse from my ex. I replied with I was not sure how to talk to him about that stuff b/c it was worse but I’m just trying to move on.
Lindsey
June 4, 2019 at 8:14 am #297323AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Regarding your ex husband (or to be ex husband) being abusive to you, is he abusive to your in any way???
And how are your kids, do you spend quality time with them and treat them well?
Regarding K, he is taking it slow regarding physical intimacy- there is a possibility, just a possibility that he doesn’t feel comfortable with sex because of some dysfunction he experienced in that context, which makes him fear it.
“Taking a step towards intimacy of any kind would maybe make me feel pressure (not sure why) and I think my anxiety would go haywire. I don’t understand this about myself”-
– I figure you refer to physical intimacy, sex, if so it may make you feel pressure to… perform well/ satisfy him, scared that you may not.. or it will make you feel more exposed, literally and a rejection then by him will hurt more?
anita
June 4, 2019 at 8:46 am #297339lindseyParticipantAnita,
What do you mean about the ex husband and his abuse? are you asking what he has done?
My kids are really good. I feel like sometimes I can be short tempered with them more than I like. I feel like my ex goes out of his way to make it seem like I’m not involved and he’s a great dad. We do lots of things together and they are in T-ball, just got out for summer break.
I believe he may be taking it slow because he’s stated before whenever something new comes in his life he gets nervous and scared. I don’t understand 100% his past but I guess he lost his daughter and doesn’t see her b/c of a toxic ex girlfriend. Also he says in the past it hasn’t worked out with girlfriends b/c they have always wanted to change him? I don’t think it’s performance related-more maybe emotional related.
Lindsey
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