Dear Felix,

I am sorry you’re feeling anxious again, now triggered by your graduation ceremony. It seems that social media do trigger comparison in you, and it makes you feel bad about yourself.

Every time i wanna decide to do something i’ll always make sure that i dont regret it… but in the end i’ll always regret it…. I cant continue living my life this way, it’s eating my mind…

You may wait a few days to calm down, you can try to talk to your internal saboteur as I suggested, but if it doesn’t get better, I suggest you visit a therapist. Lots of times self-help isn’t enough, but we need to talk to a professional. I encourage you to do that, if you can’t stop this cycle or regret and self-condemnation.

Dear Felix,

Do u think regarding the graduation ceremony issue, this is due to the usual saboteur?

Yes, you have a very low self-esteem and the need to be liked by others. Even though you haven’t been posting for 110 days and have been isolating yourself from your friends, this need (and the fear of rejection) didn’t go away, it just wasn’t active since you weren’t posting. Now that you posted, it got reactivated again.

But when i read in some blogs, it says that there’s a possibility that people in social media dont really give much of a thought what we post… just like we wont remember most people’s post.

That’s true. Lots of people care much more about their own posts and the feedback they get, than they care about other people’s posts. You believe everyone is judging you when you post something, when mostly people are neutral and don’t care too much.

Before the graduation day, i was so motivated in learning some skills to improve myself…. And now i’m messed up just like 3 months ago….

I am sorry about that. In the past more than 4 months of communicating we’ve covered all of these topics, including the reasons for your low self-esteem and the ways to overcome it. If you feel bad again, I can only recommend to read our communication again, and then if that doesn’t help, to see a professional. At this point I don’t have anything else to advise you, I’ve shared all that I know and that I think can help you, so if your problems persist, please seek professional help.

Dear Felix,

I am glad you’re feeling better and can look at the events more calmly now… Sure, you can share about what’s going on in your life, and I’ll try to give you feedback, specially if it’s a new situation and a new problem that we haven’t talked about before.

How is exercising going on? And learning to draw?

Dear Felix,

I am glad you’re keeping up with the exercise, even if not every day. Don’t beat yourself up for skipping sometimes, but try to make it a habit though because it’s doing you good, both mentally and physically. We all get lazy easily, but think of the benefits, and just do it 🙂

About the drawing, is it something you like? Perhaps drawing with a digital pen isn’t your medium (or you just need some more time to get the hang on it), but in general, is drawing something you like and you feel you’re talented in?

You could say my daily weekdays are: going to the office, then at evening when i go back home i do the exercises, and then at night i practice drawing.

As for my weekends, i only stay at home… as it’s still not safe to go out freely due to covid.

This sounds fine, considering the situation with covid. You’re doing something productive, hopefully something you enjoy too (drawing), and working on your sense of accomplishment. There will be time for socializing once the restrictions are lifted…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Tee.

Dear Felix,

my mom told me… You have to eat more.. look at urself in that picture you look small. Even my mom comments like that, what makes other people cant comment like that? I’m screwed.

I am sorry that your mother is so insensitive, and she has been like that all along. She has been criticizing you and worrying about you ever since you were a small child. You grew up with a notion that something is wrong with you – your eating habits, your height, your weight… You were never good enough for her. And now you are never good enough for yourself. This is the core of your self-esteem problem.

It really triggers me, and i scream last night…. I really feel like i wanna cry… why do people have to keep embarrassing me like this.

Like really what should i do right, i dont even do anything to embarrass myself and it really cause something to trigger my self-issues.

It’s not people who are embarrassing you – that girl simply posted a group photo, with no intention to hurt you. For you everything is a trigger, even something completely innocent. It’s because of your emotional wound that you react to everything with a sense of doom. You feel like you’re falling apart because you cannot bear the feeling of not being liked. It’s too painful, you don’t want to live with that pain. I understand you.

But the solution is not to isolate yourself completely from people. You could do that only by becoming a monk and living in a far-away monastery, but even then you’d compare yourself with other monks and how they are better than you. You could become a hermit, living alone in the desert. But even then, the thoughts of not being good enough would haunt you…

What I am trying to say is that isolation and running away from people won’t help you. What will help you though is to heal that childhood wound. You’d need to heal that inner child. You need to become a good, positive, encouraging parent to that little boy who was always hearing how weak and insufficient he was.

You have been hearing that something is wrong with you since at least 3 years old, maybe even earlier. And you are still hearing it. Your mother is still making such belittling comments…. And they hurt, because you are still identified with that little boy who wanted his mother to praise him and appreciate him.

For you to heal, you’d need to praise and encourage that little boy. You’d to tell him you love him. You’d need to take him into your arms (in your imagination) and tell him how beautiful and precious he is, and that there is nothing wrong with him. You need to be your own good parent.

This I believe is the way out, the way to truly develop self-esteem.