Dreaming I hope that when all here on Tiny Buddha have offered their opinions about your concerns that you are well on the way to a better relationship with your b/f. Not that the relationship is bad but what seems to be influencing it is not good, IMHO.

Your b/f’s best friend may be his best friend in high school, but people change especially when alcohol is involved. When you said, “My boyfriend told me that his friend was coming into town and made reservations- but unfortunately his friend could only get a reservation for two, not three, because they were “booked.” So I had to miss out on the restaurant.” sounds like total and 100% BS on the part of the best friend. The question then becomes why did your b/f  agree to go to a restaurant with a guy that is interfering in your relationship? Let me see here…hmmm…go to a restaurant that includes you, or go to the restaurant with a guy who has no issue with interfering with your relationship without  you? To me that’s a no brainer. If I was your b/f I’d tell my “best friend” that either my g/f goes with me or we don’t go at all. I am struggling with where the confusion lies. I would like to offer that you step up, because it looks like you’ll have to be the one that does, and tell his best friend that the relationship you have is between you and your b/f, not him, that what he is doing is not welcomed and you will no longer tolerate it. I have a feeling that to tell your b/f you will no longer tolerate what this guy is doing will elicit a very interesting response. I say all this because I detest the behavior that people engage in that drives a wedge between me and my g/f.  I have no problem in preserving the sanctity of my relationship and the very personal constitution that defines it by stepping up and lay down the law.

Tom Thank you for replying to my post. I hope your weekend is perfect.

First, I do not have a boyfriend. I have a girlfriend who is actually my fiancé.

I have some gay friends, men and women, who are edgy at times. Those times are when we are just having fun. Edgy can be funny. There are times where I am a bit edgy with my friends, perhaps for a minute or two, but I respect the boundaries. It also has the potential to go too far. When being edgy gets to the point in the way that Dreaming describes, when it gets disrespectful and in your face sort of thing, regardless of social situation, I believe there is some pathology involved. It can be funny or immature depending on the person and how far they choose to take it. However, when you said, “Impress that you are not trying to end a friendship, simply become more part of a circle.” I think that is a good suggestion. Can you agree that there are many other ways to “become more part of a circle?”

I hope you enjoy a fantastic weekend my friend.

Pearce

hi, i wanted to start that I never  expect my self  looking for this specific theme.  but I see that  maybe can help you and me.

I have a similar situation with my relationship. My boyfriends gay friend is inLove with him and he doesn’t realize that.  there is so many things that make me realize that.

1 they see each other once a week to drink in a bar, when they do and get drunk, my boyfriends gay friend starts complementing him  in front of me , like his handsome, touching his arm ( in a way that makes me uncomfortable), looking him with this in love eyes. start making inappropriate joke

2 he had a picture of a naked guy that looks like my boyfriend and even he shows the pictures to everybody. and he start saying  DOESNT HE LOOK LIKE HIM???

3  he told my boyfriend that he heard that i was dating one of his friends  a couple of times( guy that I don’t even know). obviously lies.. don’t know what was exactly his intention.

4 he invited my boyfriend first  to an island  and a week after he mentioned and then he invited me .. ( last minute) obiously my boyfriend didn’t go.

5  he always pays for everything, dinner, uber,  all the drink in the bar ( most of the time). I feel that he try to makes him drunk all the time, to the point that im scare. I have nightmare s with that

the worst part is that my boyfriend almost ended up super drunk.. taking an uber from his place.

6 he gives my boyfriend expensive gifts in his birthday

7  when i meet my boyfriend parents i felt that it was a competition between me and his gay friend. he was all over been super nice to his mom, buying her drink etc.

8 he talks about he’s sexual life in front of us and even talk bad about he’s closer friends (if he is like that no wonder he talked about me.

9 when I go out with them he always  said omg you are so beautiful, my friend looks so happy since he’s been with you ( so he  lies)

10 one time he got a new haircut and he was like  OMG YOUR BOYFRIEND DIDNT NOTICE MY HAIRCUT.

I know is ridiculous to feel like that. i know my boyfriend is straight  but makes me really uncomfortable this situation to the point that I even have nightmares

I recently fought with my boyfriend because of him.. after he started put in his mind that I cheat on him with a guy that I don’t even know. I told my boyfriend everything that he’s friend is involve with him, jealous of me …that thats why is is lying… of course my boyfriend believe that I didn’t cheat on him because he know I love him and Im with him almost 24/7 …

but at the same time my boyfriend thinks im crazy that he’s gay friend is not involve with him and that he would not stop his friendship.  my boyfriend just said that is the way he is.

In the end I didn’t ask him to stop his friendship just to don’t even mention his name in front of me. im really pissed because what he did, lying like that is just a bad person act. a good person don’t do that. or even if is true that he heard that he could asked me .. or be moire polite asking that.

now im scare because i know they will hang out again and that he always will be talking bad about me. Im scare he will ruin my relationship.

I have 2 really good gay friends  and they are so nice and they are not irrespectful like that at all. so i don’t understand why this guy is like that.

I have the same but different issue. I’d like closure on. My boyfriend’s(age 25) gay best friend (age 73) is in the closet gay but totally opened to my boyfriend. My boyfriend used drugs back in his past and used people (men and women) through sexual favors to get rides and money. This best friend met my boyfriend 5 years ago in a bad situation and asked if he wanted to change his life. My boyfriend left with him that night and  they’ve been super close ever since. But his gay best friend went with him on the roads and allowed him to do all the same stuff he was doing. The guy took care of my boyfriend and provided a ride to jobs. To this day if my boyfriend says jump this guy jumps. I recently found out that my boyfriend had past sexual experiences with men (mostly receiving oral for money or rides from the other party). The problem I had was the night my boyfriend and I met he had invited another gay guy over at the same time of inviting me over. At the end of the night that gay guy found out we were leaving together and said I quote: “ Bitch you’re not going anywhere with her. You’re coming with me.” I instantly said I think it’s time for me to leave. My boyfriend said that guy must be on something. Later I found texts from earlier that first night we met where my boyfriend promised they’d have fun together if the rude guy would give him a ride. I’m not sure why I made excuses or stayed but now I am pregnant by him and found all this out after I became pregnant. Also, the original gay best friend I mentioned has seriously crossed boundaries in our relationship by saying sexual possessive comments about my boyfriend where I can hear behind my boyfriends back. Recently he refused to watch my son for me to take my boyfriend on a 12 hour ride to his new job but jumped to take him himself. He was being very petty. I tried nicely and respectfully talking to the gay best friend how I felt disrespected. He got mad and wouldn’t talk to me about anything and denied everything I had noticed. So I actually apologized thinking maybe I’m just crazy like my bf says. The pettiness has gotten worse, and my boyfriend says that this gay best friend is part of the family and isn’t going anywhere. They’ve only been friends since 2018 and they tell each other they love eachother every single time they talk. I find it very weird. I often feel like maybe they are in love with eachother secretively. There have been times my boyfriend playfully slapped his gay friends butt or flirtatiously poked at him. There have been long eye gazing that makes me feel uncomfortable. I really don’t know what to do or what to think. I’m pregnant with this guys kid, all my family has died, and I’ve been a single mom for a while before this living on my own with my own place, own car and a good job. Since we’ve met he completely changed into a hard working family man that I’m proud of. My only problem is this gay best friend that can’t respect boundaries. My boyfriend also has a daughter born in Arizona he’s about to get custody of, and I worry he’s faking everything with me to use me like he used a lot of other people but at the same time he spends a lot of time with me in person and on the phone and we have a good sex life. Our mutual gay best friend said that my boyfriend has flirted with him and he had to shut it down because he knows my boyfriend claims to be straight so it’s annoying to him and he doesn’t understand why a straight guy would go that far. I’m very confused on what to do.

Discussed in what way? I respectfully confronted him about everything. He denied everything, got mad, and now acts super petty. I’m talking about the 73 year old best friend of my boyfriends. What should I do? My boyfriend said he’s like a father figure, but I know the old man sees my boyfriend more like a lover. It’s very uncomfortable around them.

Dear Rhonda:

I understand that you are pregnant and in a difficult situation. I would like to read more from you and understand better. Maybe, just maybe I can suggest something helpful.

anita