This post isn’t to seek any advice or replies. Its just me, writing at 1:00 am from my heart. This is my truth. And my heart break. I don’t write often or keep a journal. What I do write I post, completely honest, vulnerable and raw. If you find it inappropriate I apologize and will not be offended if it comes down.

“I’m not poly and that’s the truth. Sometimes I feel guilty and wish I was because I lost you. But at least I was willing to grow, learn and genuinely try for you. I went against my nature to see if I could be poly because I knew it made you happy. I ignored the fact that it was ripping my heart to pieces everyday throughout our relationship. I read every piece of information I could about opening myself up to polyamory and controlling the jealously. I did all of that for you. I was hoping one day you would realize you didn’t want anyone else and would give up polyamory for me, but you didn’t. Instead you pushed me away, saying you couldn’t be in a “relationship” while maintaining and starting new relationships with other people all the while. You were having unprotected sex, lying by omission and not communicating with me who you were seeing. You ended up giving me chlamydia in the process. You broke my heart and I felt like I was the only one trying. When you broke up with me for the second time and tried to come back into my life I finally told you the truth and stood up for myself. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do because even after all the pain I still loved you. I just couldn’t fight anymore for a person who never fought for me. So I said goodbye. It hurts, a lot and still to this day. I have to pick up the pieces now and believe that someone will give me the kind of love I deserve. I don’t want to be mad at you but some days I am infuriated. I feel betrayed, not because you are poly but because of how you carried it out.”