Dear Lilly:

Putting together information from this thread and your previous threads: you are now 16. When you were 4, your parents divorced and both your parents dated other people since, your mother more than your father. You live with your mother, her boyfriend (now engaged), and your critical, emotionally abusive grandmother.

In your home, you feel the following: “trapped, unseen, unheard… lost, angry, alone, used… lonely.. like no one genuinely wants to check in with me, I’m just the happy goofy person that everyone likes having around but it’s like inside I’m just so confused tired angry and like alone… it just feels like they don’t SEE me… Feels like no one really takes the time to give a crap about me”.

Reads like your mother’s priority has been the men in her life, her past relationships and now, her current, and her boyfriend’s priority is your mother, while your grandmother’s priority is to give everyone a hard time (or just you?)-

– so you are no one’s priority at home, correct?

I wonder what motivates you to act “happy goofy” when you feel sad and angry and lonely, is it because when you acted sad or angry you were criticized for it, so you act happy to avoid criticism?

anita

Dear Lilly:

“betrayed and heartbroken”- that was my experience too, as a child and on. A child naturally loves those who take care of her, usually it is primarily the mother. The child looks up to her mother, loving her intensely, completely. Unfortunately this is often an unrequited love, not fully returned. Often the mother has higher priorities than her loving little girl. And it hurts, it is heartbreaking.

But love is still there for you, available, just not easily found. There is just a little of it for you at home, but there is more of it elsewhere. If you see where love is not, you will be able to see where love is. For example, over time you may meet a young man who sees you as a high priority in his life. That will feel new to you and it will hurt because it will remind you how long you wanted that.

See to it that as you meet people, particularly potential boyfriends, that you are discerning, that you don’t take just anything as evidence of love. Get to know the young man first as a friend, see that he does see you, that he does hear you and that he cares.

anita