A friend of mine that was a girl were both invited to a potluck event. I didn’t think anything of it in the beginning. I texted her the night before asking when the potluck starts and during the conversation we thought it would be better to just carpool. So we carpooled to the event. We had a great time. We laughed a lot at silly things and I’ve discovered that we have the same sense of humor.

After the event, we both didn’t have anything to do so I asked her if she wanted to go rock climbing because that was my plan for myself that day. And she agreed. However, we were both so silly that we thought it would be better to get drunk first, then go rock climbing. That’s exactly what we did. We got wasted and we stumbled our way to the rock climbing gym. After about 15 mins of rock climbing, it was obvious we were drunk so we got kicked out. We laughed it out and moved on to the next adventure.

Then, I asked if she wanted to go to the pool at my place. She agreed, at this point it was already 10pm at night and we are starting to sober up. We had a great time, again more laughing and being silly.

Then we dried ourselves in the house and then she started showing me some moves in salsa dancing class that she is taking. I joined her and we invented some silly salsa dancing moves. Naming them with ridiculous names.

Finally we got tired. We sat on the couch. We’ve been comfortable touching each other all day that as soon as we sat in the couch I instantly thought that kissing was the natural thing to do. So I did. It felt like the right thing to do in that moment. And, she welcomed the kiss. Next thing I knew, we were making out. I tried to progress but she held on to her clothes. At that point I remembered her saying something at some other event, about not having sex with anyone that is not her boyfriend. So I thought that must be it, and I respected that so I stopped.

Instead I asked if she would wanna cuddle in my bed, and I could take her home in the morning. She agreed, and so we did. We ended up just cuddling all night. We tried to sleep but couldn’t. We slept like two hours and just talked the whole night while cuddling. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t believe what just happened. I’ve just had the funnest accidental date I’ve been in and now I’m laying cuddling and have kissed a girl I never thought would ever be interested in me. I’m not sure why she couldn’t sleep either.

When daylight came, we had coffee and breakfast and I dropped her home like I promised. It was kinda strange. We were still laughing and being silly but for some reason we avoided talking about whether we would see each other again. We both said to each other how great of a time we had, but I could pop the question of whether she wanted to do it again. The goodbye was also strange, because I wasn’t sure if I should kiss her again or not. We ended up just hugging goodbye.

This was just over 24 hours ago. I’m still in shocked that just happened to me. Dating has always been painful for me because I’ve always just been rejected. I would get my hopes up that a girl might be interested in me by going on a date with me but just ended up being rejected in the end. So I gave up trying to date.

I don’t want to assume, but I think she might like me too.

The problem with this however, is that I’m in that all too familiar state again. I’m getting my hopes up. Now, she is all I think about. I know it’s not the end of the world if she end up just rejecting me in the end. I’ve had many rejections, what is one more? But, I just wanna get over this phase. It is not good for my career. I’m enjoying my job a lot and barely starting to taste success. This feeling is distracting me from working hard and being focused on my goal. It’s overwhelming.

I’m torn, because I wanna avoid getting hurt if possible because getting hurt would effect my focus. But at the same time, I can’t stop the high that that experience just gave me. How do I deal with this? How can I tell her how I feel without scaring her away?

Side note: Another source of anxiety I have about this situation is I’m self conscious whether I would be her type. I’m a short small framed man. I’m 5’7 145 lbs. She is about 1 or 2 inches taller than me and she has dated only tall guys according to her Instagram. I’ve always felt like my failure at dating has always been the fact that I’m a small asian man. Statistic confirms that women date asian men the least. Not only am I asian, I’m also small. So I feel hopeless. Not sure, if I should believe that.

Some part of me, feels that it would be better to just scare her away. Get over what is inevitable, so I can heal earlier in the relationship before I become more invested. But, a big part of me is hoping, and hoping a lot this would work out. I need help :/