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My boyfriend told me he needs "space", and my anxiety is striking up.

Home→Forums→Relationships→My boyfriend told me he needs "space", and my anxiety is striking up.

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • July 10, 2015 at 4:22 am #79604
    Carlos G Solano
    Participant

    Hey there… I can only tell you this… Don’t give anyone or anything the capability to define your happiness. That power (of being happy) is only yours and no one else’s. Why? Well, the day you lose the person or the thing that made you happy, that’s the day you get into the situation you are in now.

    Best of lucks!

    And yes, give him space.

    July 10, 2015 at 4:23 am #79605
    Karlo
    Participant

    The first thing you need to do is to calm down! (Deeply breathe until you calm down)
    You have already made a huge step by going out for a walk and talk to your friends.
    The next big step you should consider of doing after you calm down is to face reality. (Yes, sometimes reality hurts, a lot, but there is no other way of getting forward without facing it).
    If you constantly felt anxiety during your relationship, then I’m sorry to say this, but you guys should break up.
    Why I’m saying this? Simply because you should prioritize yourself for now.
    Just think about it!
    Would you like to develop severe anxiety, depression, ocd, etc… and be in an unhealthy relationship for the rest of your life, or grief for a month or two and after that be happy and move on?

    That is the worst case scenario, but if you felt happy in your relationship until now, then it is just a crisis and you two are going to be just fine.

    If you want to face your anxiety, depression, develop strong self-confidence and move on, you should consider reading this topic and ask as many questions as you want: http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/lets-conquer-anxietydeppresion-and-stress-together/
    Ether way, if you choose to be happy or even sad, this community will always try to help you, including me!
    Good luck with making the right choice!

    With kindness,
    Karlo

    July 10, 2015 at 4:55 am #79607
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Crystal,

    Guys always like to feel “needed”. Well, the problem with that is one day we really do “need” them and they freak out. I noticed one of the first thing you said was that you were super poor and he was going places. Have you been (even subconsciously) leaning on him financially or even as a hope for the future? Mr. job/bmw/moneybags (and yes, I know you really love him too!) might leave and then you really will have nothing?

    By being “needy” you are feeding a male ego want but ALSO a lurking fear that he’ll be “Stuck” at worst or won’t be able to Rescue” you at best!

    My advice is to play it super cool and let HIM come to YOU. Men want women who CHOOSE them out of the goodness of their heart, not NEED them, when it comes to a lasting relationship. Then when you do need them, really and truly, they will love that.

    Also, I hate to say it, but if you two are so young and have been together for so long, the relationship may have passed its expiration date!

    Let Him Go and See What Happens,

    Inky

    July 10, 2015 at 1:18 pm #79630
    Crystal
    Participant

    Thank you all for your advice, just to clarify we generally have a really good relationship. I do not depend on him for money. I’m more independent . I just have bee anxious in life with school, family, and money. This was just a situation that made me freak out because things haven’t been so well lately. I typed a more in depth reply, but for some reason my computer deleted it. Anyway. I thank you all for your help.

    I did give him some space, I tended to my hobbies and I dealed with it in such a healthier manner than I usually would have if I began to be anxious with anything. I’m happy because later on he replied to me asking to hang out , and frankly he couldn’t take space away from me. lol.

    Thank you all <3 Much love.

    July 20, 2015 at 2:10 pm #79622
    Crystal
    Participant

    Firstly, I would like to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for replying. You guys are awesome.
    Secondly to reply to Karlo, He doesn’t necessarily give me anxiety a lot. I was just anxious because of my stress lately (from school, family etc). It’s just in this situation!
    I’ve been happy with our relationship.
    I’m guessing I just freaked out, but the way he acted in this situation made me catastrophize.
    I do generally suffer with things such as those, and I’ve been using this site to help me mostly. I thank your for your input !

    @cgsolano said:
    Hey there… I can only tell you this… Don’t give anyone or anything the capability to define your happiness. That power (of being happy) is only yours and no one else’s. Why? Well, the day you lose the person or the thing that made you happy, that’s the day you get into the situation you are in now.

    Best of lucks!

    And yes, give him space.

    In replies to cgsolano: Thank you for that passage of wisdom. I really appreciate it. I will explain my self further by replying to Inky and to all of you with how I dealt with the situation as it was very little.

    Yes, I am very poor at the moment! I’m actually working on ma computer languages in hopes to gain a job with a friends company soon. (hoping this will change everything for me) , But I do not depend on my boyfriend as a financial source. at all. I’m just not into asking people for money, if that makes any sense? People use have to fight me to pay for me haha.
    I’m more of relying on myself to be more independant and get this job so I will too be able to have a care and save money for things such as my own apartment, clothing, makeup, food etc.
    I never had any luxaries growing up, and yes I’m supported by my parents at the moment. (very little of what they can do) It’s very depressing to me because I don’t want to depend on them , but I’m still trying to get on my feet.
    but I would NEVER need my boyfriend for money.

    I’ve noticed lately I’ve been having a clingy personality. (I did some reflection last night) I noticed since we are both stressed, I’ve been just being simply clingy, and it probably got on his nerves. When he said those things I was just in real shock. I freaked out initially because I do have anxiety problems in generally. I freak out about everything. I’m learning to cope.

    I basically shut myself out from my phone, put some Porter Robinson on high volume on my speakers, and just happily went on with my night regardless he was thinking about breaking up with me or not. I decided to be happy and cope with what was happened with what I think was a healthier route than what I usually do when I get anxious, being crying myself to sleep and being angry, I dealt with it in a much better way and I’m happy for myself and I’m really happy you guys were willing to help.

    I can say Tinybuddha and it’s community and its website of course is something and someones’ I love very much.
    Thank you!

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