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My boyfriend left me to go travel

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  • January 5, 2024 at 10:51 am #426751
    Grace
    Participant

    3 years ago my boyfriend had a major operation and couldn’t walk for 10 months. He promised himself he would travel the world once he recovered and planned a big trip to Asia, where he would be gone for 1-2 years.

    About a year and a half later we met. The first day we met, he told me about his trip, which was coming up in about a year and a half from then. He made it clear early on that he would be going on his trip alone because that was his plan, and it was important that he stuck to it,

    We were together then for about a year and a half and our relationship was great. We were each others best friend, went on vacations, i got close with his family, we had a lot of conversations about the future. Having a family together, reconnecting and getting back together when he comes home. He writes in a journal daily, and somewhere in the middle of our relationship I read some pages.. he knows because he later asked if I did and I told him yes, but – I read something he wrote about me that said “I am so in love with her mind. I hope that when I settle down its with her or someone just like her”

    He’s been gone for about 3 months now. We talk on the phone about every other week and text a few times a week. When we talk, there are still aspects of our romantic life involved in it, it’s not like we talk as if we’re only friends. He’s told me that all our conversations about the future very well may happen and how much he cares about me. It has been so hard, I miss him so much. I feel like I’ve just been waiting on him to come home and not knowing when he will. I told him yesterday that I can’t be friends anymore, that I need time, and can’t talk for a while. I feel like I should be moving on with my life because I have no idea what’s going to happen, and I haven’t healed at all in 3 months since he left because I am just missing him. It hurts talking and it hurts not talking too.

    Now that I did it, I have so much doubt. Did I do the wrong thing? Should I maintain our relationship or is not speaking at all the better thing to do? I fully support him being on this trip and having this time, but I want to be with him when he comes home and I don’t know what the right thing to do is to hopefully get back together?

    Maintaining things OR moving on and letting him go..

    January 5, 2024 at 12:08 pm #426767
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    “The first day we met, he told me about his trip, which was coming up in about a year and a half from then. He made it clear early on that he would be going on his trip alone because that was his plan, and it was important that he stuck to it“- he was honest with you from the get-go.

    “We were together then for about a year and a half and our relationship was great. We were each others best friend, went on vacations… I read something he wrote about me that said ‘I am so in love with her mind. I hope that when I settle down its with her or someone just like her’“- a great pre-trip relationship.

    “He’s been gone for about 3 months now. We talk on the phone… It has been so hard, I miss him so much. I feel like I’ve just been waiting on him to come home and not knowing when he will… I haven’t healed at all in 3 months since he left because I am just missing him. It hurts talking and it hurts not talking too…I fully support him being on this trip and having this time, but I want to be with him when he comes home“- I am guessing that during the pre-trip period, while you supported him going on his trip by himself, you did not anticipate it being as difficult as it turned out for you. .. you thought it’d be easier?

    I wonder if you are angry with him that he didn’t change his mind during the pre-trip period, and taken you with him, or at least offered for the two of you to travel together?

    “I told him yesterday that I can’t be friends anymore, that I need time, and can’t talk for a while… I have so much doubt. Did I do the wrong thing? Should I maintain our relationship or is not speaking at all the better thing to do?… Maintaining things OR moving on and letting him go..“-

    – depends on whether you feel angry with him, and depends on whether he promised you that he will remain faithful to you during his trip (?)  or did he say that he is not sure about his future with you following the trip?

    anita

    January 23, 2024 at 6:30 am #427164
    Renn
    Participant

    Hi Grace, Oh my god! I’ve been in a similar (Although less deep) situation. he moved across the world for a year.

    So I can very much understand you.

    3 months is a short amount of time especially if you were so brilliant together in person. You will definitely still feel horrible at the moment, it is such a change! talking over message and call is hard,  its okay!

    BUT, if you both work for it, it WILL WORK! if one of you gives up or doesnt think its gonna work, you may well struggle. perseverance is key!! after you acclimatise to the distance, it really does become easier. the initial shock is what makes it seem so horrible i think.

    The main question is, are you prepared to wait for him? (i was, but he wasnt so you must both be on board) and again, its totally acceptable for this to change. if his actions are positive as they so far seem to be from this post then i feel that its worth considering to wait it out. seems to me that you care a lot for each other. consider being kind to yourself but also thinking of the bigger picture.

    Something i was told was  ‘its one year vs the rest of your life’

    If you both really want to, you will be absolutely fine!  its okay to need a break to think about it though. Its rough! but once you ride out the really tricky part (the first 6ish months) you’ll find the sailing to be a little smoother, still sad at times, but you will be okay. Stay Hopeful!

    – Renn x

     

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