Long story short…

I met a guy who was 1.5 years into separation and divorce proceedings. He has 3 kids and I have one and I knew he was really messed up about it all. We’ve had a really passionate relationship for two and a half years and have had several breakups because of me not trusting him for various reasons and we always ended up back together.

I love him him to death and have never seen myself settle with anyone before and I’ve been proposed to three times. I’m 33 and he’s 39. My son and his son are like brothers and I love his kids like they were my own. I’d been brought into the fight with the ex several times and feel I have always been there for him. It took a long time for him to want to talk about any kind of future and I put this down to what he has gone through with here which is honestly horrendous. We broke up about it before because I felt like I was wasting my time. We were apart for four months last summer and both met other people but still loved each other deeply and decided to try and give it another go.

Things have been different this time, he’s been talking about the future more, saying he wants to spend his life with me, to grow old with me. He seemed to have lost this year that he had about commitment, and I finally felt like we were getting somewhere. Although marriage was always a touchy subject for him, but I do want to get married. This is my first time around. I didn’t save myself to be a 40 yr old girlfriend. Anyway finally this week his divorce was made final.  He had talked about this day for years saying when this day comes everything will be okay everything will be better …. I was expecting him to come home from court and run into my arms and for us to just be in ecstasy because we finally were through it. But this is quite the opposite of what happened.

Instead he came back (after going for dinner alone) and was on the phone for a long time  with various different people. He didn’t really talk to me, he just came and had sex with me and Then became really distracted again. I felt totally irrelevant and pushed away. He didn’t even ask how I was feeling about the whole thing. It’s like I was just a distraction.  I feel so hurt about it, and I can’t even talk to him about it because he just gets defensive. He is a very intelligent man but he pretends to be stupid when it comes to things like this at times.

When we broke up in the summer he kept a journal every day writing about his heart ache in the most deepest way, really thought-provoking stuff which he showed me after we got back together. I was really pleased to see that he went to those levels that he normally keeps covered.

No I’m in total limbo. I thought I was in limbo before. Now it feels like he doesn’t have his shitstorm divorce as an excuse to hide behind to not be openly serious with me. ☹️ I’m feeling pretty heartbroken and used right now. What do I do?? I’m a good girl, I look after him and love him so much. I’m loyal and would never hurt him or break his trust. I think of him first and always go out of my way for him. I love his kids like they were my own and see a future with all of them. But I’m not a mug.

Please if anyone has any advice i would be so grateful. Thanks