Moving Out While He Is Away: Spineless? Or Realistic?

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This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by Lucky.

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June 14, 2015 at 3:24 pm #78203

Glet
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Hello there…

I am much younger than you but I have been in a similar relationship..i dated someone who seemed so perfect at first,perfect to everyone and he was quick to proclaim his love for me but once I got to know him..he was a different person…later on I realized that he was a narcissist…(have you read about it???)..maybe you should try and research more on narcissistic behavior to see if it fits your situation…and about you leaving him,I think the sooner you leave the better for you..he sounds very manipulative and abusing…and such people rarely get help…leaving him will not be easy but the more you stay with him,the more this will go on if he doesn’t get help and your time will be wasted…

be strong!!..and most importantly look out for you when you still can.

June 14, 2015 at 3:39 pm #78205

Inky
Participant

Holy Crap Girlfriend!

Moving out ~ Today ~ NOW!! ~ is a matter of survival!! I am scared for you. He will be convinced there’s another guy in the background and will be angry about the money for the ring! NO ONE can tell him where you moved! Change your number! And email! In fact, don’t even let your friends and family know where you live and what your number is ~ YET! He will go looking for you or have someone else find you for him. Leave a note “I just can’t take it anymore. You have a temper. Get help.” That’s IT! Do it! DO IT! Or one day be prepared to suddenly leave your stuff behind out of terror.

And NEVER move in with someone again! This is why!

Please PLEASE let us know when you are in a safe place!

Inky

June 14, 2015 at 3:55 pm #78207

Matt
Participant

Luckycharms,

No, it is not spineless to move out suddenly without warning him. He has given you plenty of reason for you not to trust him to take it well, or let you leave safely, and you need to do what you can to protect yourself from his unhealthy reactions. To me, he sounds like ugly bluster, and may not do anything but crumple up and whimper. But its not worth the risk, your description of him is deeply disturbing.

With warmth,
Matt

June 14, 2015 at 3:56 pm #78208

Lucky
Participant

Thank you so much for your responses! Even just acknowledging the situation with someone else is very helpful for me. Let’s say I am justified in moving my stuff out while he is away. What do I do then? Just wait for him to come home to an empty home? When is the ‘right’ time to tell him? Maybe I shouldn’t feel bad for him… but I do….

June 14, 2015 at 4:02 pm #78209
Inky
Participant
OK, to make you feel better, my DH had a girlfriend that he couldn’t say “No” to. And he ~ wait for it ~ moved all his stuff out and rode away on his bike!! YES, she came home to an empty house. YES, she was pissed! YES, she got over it (eventually fell in love, got married and had a family)! YES, she eventually found out where he lived years later. YES, she asked if they could get together for “lunch while she was in the area”. YES, he told her “No” (perhaps for the first time). Guess what? Everyone survived!

In this case YOUR physical safety TRUMPS his hurt feelings. Matt’s right. It’s NOT worth the risk!
- This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
June 14, 2015 at 4:19 pm #78212

Lucky
Participant

Phew. I can’t tell you how much better that makes me feel. I likely have some reflecting to do on and lessons to learn re: what about my personality has allowed this environment to occur. First step – move out and start moving on. Thank you guys for the encouragement and reinforcement.
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