Hi Chau

You did well to stand up for yourself while you were being treat badly!

Oh that makes things a lot easier since she no longer works with you. It is just a matter of how much contact you are comfortable with. Its perfectly okay for you to cut contact, if you wanted. Happens all the time in dating. I understand that you have a soft spot for her though.

Have you thought about what you would like?

I’m glad that your friends were there to support you. It sounds like you have some good ones. It was a great idea to look to them and I don’t think they will steer you wrong. ❤️

I don’t like that she disrespected you and your home with this craving for wealth either. It makes zero sense to rent elsewhere when you have a property of your own. If you said the same thing to her, that you expect a partner to dote on you with gifts, it would be crickets. Very one sided! Well done on dodging that bullet!

It is a shame because she even revealed that she has no intentions with a long term relationship, because she wants to marry a man. At least she is being honest and not wasting your time further. It is still pretty painful to hear and it sounds like she doesn’t see that. ❤️

Dear Chau/ Clara:

Good to read back from you!

“Gradually I put in more and more, and I realized she started to take me for granted. A few weeks ago, I snapped and was very frustrated and upset”-

In this post I want to talk about the Snapping part. The anger problem. Not that anger in itself is a problem, but way too often it feels like too much and people .. well, people snap.

Interestingly, the topic of anger was in the title of your first ever thread on tiny buddha: “Break up after massive tantrums…” (May 31, 2016), and it was the topic of our first exchange on that same day.

Personally, I snapped at someone in real-life only a couple of weeks ago (I started a thread about it titled “A.N.G.E.R” on Oct 9 (it’s currently on the 2nd page of topics). Also, I expressed anger inappropriately here on the forums not too long ago, so I am working on my intense, inappropriate anger problem these very days.

Actually, long ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I no longer fit the diagnosis, yet currently working on a couple of the core traits (#2 and 5 below).

* Core Traits of BPD (Copilot):

1. Intense fear of abandonment: This can lead to extreme efforts to avoid real or imagined rejection—sometimes through people-pleasing, clinging, or sudden emotional shifts.

2. Unstable relationships: Individuals may idealize someone one moment and then devalue them the next, often in response to perceived slights or emotional threats.

3. Shifting self-image: Their sense of identity can change rapidly, leading to confusion about values, goals, or even personality traits.

4. Emotional volatility: Mood swings are common—ranging from intense joy to deep despair, often triggered by interpersonal stress.

5. Explosive anger: Inappropriate or intense anger is a hallmark symptom. It may emerge suddenly, especially when someone feels misunderstood, rejected, or emotionally unsafe

Back to the first day we talked, you wrote: “I was in a relationship for more than a year, things have been bumpy and I haven’t really felt right, occasionally I treated her with tantrum or sometime she thought I mistreated her or dismissed her, or possibly disrespected her… The massive tantrums (which did involve accusing her for the wrong doings, crying very hard and accused her for hurting me).. She said I digger things out and left her wounded. I began to get very confused since I feel I am wronged, yet I am accused of the emotions that came out from such wrongdoing… I did slap her when I knew she was still hiding some truth about the incident, while she said she had come clean. I regretted using any physical hurt and I didn’t apologize and promised never to happens again. It didn’t happens ever again.” (May 31, 2016).

Of course, I am not saying that you were not wronged back then when you were cheated on, nor am I saying that your current girlfriend is flawless. What I am saying is that working on your anger response can help you so much in future relationships, if not in this particular one.

If this resonates with you we can work together on this problem and help each other..?

🤍🌿 Anita