Moving on after a friendly break up

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This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by Anonymous.

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October 1, 2018 at 9:44 am #228413

Inky
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Hi sombrita,

He already knows he doesn’t do well with long distance relationships. Add grad school on top of that? Well, this is better for you two than if you never saw each other and he’s too busy when you do.

For what it’s worth my daughter is a grad student “dating” another grad student long distance. Seeing each other three or four times a year does not a relationship make, in my opinion. But it is hard, and it is her life. The reality stinks, but at least she’s too busy to mind it too much.

What I’m concerned about is your feeling that you are “not enough”. I felt that too. It’s an awful, icky feeling. Listen to me: You ARE enough. You are enough for a man who already has his life together and is ready to be in a solid relationship. This guy isn’t there yet. You are his Next Level in Life.

Best,

Inky

October 2, 2018 at 9:32 am #228611

krjand
Participant

Sombrita,

Are you real?

AK

October 3, 2018 at 7:16 am #228797
sombrita
Participant
Thanks for your response, Inky. You are right, but even when I understand the racional part, I still cant move on. I miss him and think about him everyday. This makes me anxious and I can’t focus on the things I got to do.

And krjand, what do you mean with that?
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by sombrita.
October 3, 2018 at 8:56 am #228807

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sombrita:

You wrote that “from the very beginning” of the relationship, he told you that if he gets accepted to the masters program then a relationship with you will end. And, you wrote, “I was ok with it and we kept dating”.

It reads like he was honest with you, but not very considerate or maybe he didn’t understand. Maybe he can shut down his feelings because it makes sense for him to do so, but not you. You can’t eliminate your feelings because it makes sense that you do.

Once the feelings of attachment are established, logic has nothing to do with it. You didn’t understand that in the beginning. Now you do, don’t you? You “erased his phone number and closed facebook”, but you can not erase the attachment to him or close the door on it. Not quickly or easily.

We suffer when separated from the object of our attachment, can’t concentrate, feeling sad, no joy, all natural feelings when in your situation. As you heal from this separation, you will be able to enjoy friends again, get your motivation back and so on. Post again anytime.

anita
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