Hi molmo,

I think online school would be great! Also, some towns have Alternative High Schools. My concern for you is how you’d cope in the distant future once you have a real job and after your parents are gone.

Are you sure they’re not enabling you? I can’t imagine my own mother, for instance, humoring me. In short, I’d be at school!

Listen, Christmas break is coming. You will have a couple weeks to regroup and find your center.

Read the book, an oldie but goodie: Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. In life you have all these feelings. But you have to do the thing anyway.

Go to school,

Inky

Dear molmo,

I have had depressive issues too since my teens and faced the motivation issue especially in college. Totally understand the problem with getting out of bed – it’s very common with depression. I also struggled with the weirdest anxieties over the smallest things. It’s a long story but I will focus on a few things that helped me over the years-

1) Hows your sleep hygeine? Do you have a little of exercise during the day? These two things made a massive difference – things like having a proper cleaning up ritual before bed, sleeping by 11 PM and getting proper sleep.

Now regarding the part about getting out of bed, some days when I wanted to cry and just felt hopeless, I always had my diary right next to me or my old phone notes. I had this habit of writing letters to depressed me when I was in a more upbeat, clear state of mind. Things about myself that I loved, what I wanted from life and people who inspired me. Music didn’t work too much for me at that time. But this did.

2) I coped with anxiety by taking small steps, especially for social anxiety. A part of it had to do with interacting more little by little with people and being in situations that frightened me, but of course not something super terrifying in day 1 itself. I realised that though isolating was comfortable, it wasn’t a good idea for my age group and eventually I needed to have that confidence to face the world on my own

3) family and a few supportive friends – though they never entirely understood the problem, their small gestures and presence was immenselg helpful..we introverts do need a few people to really have strong association with, more so for people with depression – otherwize those hopeless feelings that stem from the disease are just unbearable. I remember on some days just hanging out with them when I didn’t want to simply because I knew it would make me feel a bit more alive from within to go outside the house, smell the fresh air.

4) I hate routine too and can’t overwork, take excessive pressure. So now I take less of that and keep parts of the schedule free for improvisation . I do think online school makes sense for now but I feel an alternative schooling where you need to interact with people is better.

The strange thing about gaining that confidence is to actually face those situations one by one despite being afraid, feeling low – you will start appreciating your inner strength and qualities more.

This lack of motivation, hopelessness, desire to isolate and anxiety are the depression talking. It’s not who you are

This illness changes the story you see and the one you tell yourself.

Now regarding why you are depressed, I don’t have a grand “why” – I always wanted a grand why to explain why I was like this – I have an awesome family, a few loyal friends, achievements to be proud of and a future to look forward to…so by textbook definition, can I be depressed? – yes I can even then – it’s a mood disorder. A lot of people experience depression even at the peak of their success – a huge part of this is a neurochemical issue, hormonal issues, maladpative thought process, actions too. And that’s okay. Accept it’s there, it can be managed and it’s not who you are – it’s just an illness.

So for now, please find ways to manage better – bring up these ideas in therapy. Ask your therapist about DBT in particular – it’s not used strictly for depression but it has helped in improving ones responses to real life situations in a more practical way.

Phew, sorry long post, lot of typos. Hope you write more soon.

Regards,
Nina