Dear Dan/ Danny:

(Which name do you prefer?)

I  just went through all your posts in your previous four threads starting February 2014, almost six years ago. I think (in my non-professional opinion) that you demonstrated during these years, here on tiny  buddha, a lot of what it would take for a life coach to be successful, specifically coaching individuals who struggle with long-term intense anger. You were very responsive to members who replied to you,  always gracious to members, never directing your anger at any member. Although you suffered a lot from ongoing anger, you returned to a positive attitude repeatedly and tried various ways to reduce your anger and manage it well and you were successful at it.

I understand that working as a life coach is unregulated, unlike working as a certified public school teacher or counselor, for example. It has a lot to do with self promotion. We can talk about this more, if you want.

Back to my study of your posts today, I put together quotes from what you shared, 2014-2019, with the aim of showing you, in your own words, what may qualify you to coach others in groups or individually. Would you like me to send those to you, as well as my comments on your quotes?

anita

Dear Danny:

You are welcome and thank you for your kind words. I will paste the quotes I collected earlier but not any of my comments because I  need to be away from the computer for about 13 hours. The comments I made in my previous post to you were things that came to my mind as I collected the following quotes. You can let me know of your thoughts about these and we can continue to communicate tomorrow (about 13 hours from now):

Feb 2014: “I’ve been angry so long that it has become a part of me…I am not a violent abusive person despite what you might have perceived. I do accept that I have probably sounded so..I’m not a bad person. I’m a good person, who has been treated badly…I moved away in the first place to a big city where there are millions of opportunities, I have started doing a degree in psychology, I took up boxing which is my favorite sport & is an outlet for my frustration, I am meeting new people & new girls regularly, I have made new friends.

Sept 2014: “I know I haven’t truly & fully let go of that anger & hate because sometimes it still pops back in ..I do have loads of positive things going on in my life, it’s just I know this issue still burns underneath it all, because I feel it every so often… My counsellor told me it’s not about trying to remove the memories, but about changing the way I approach & think about them, so for example rather than getting all angry when thinking, just accept the thought, remember that I’ve already felt this anger before many times & it isn’t serving me well, then move on.. I’ve lots going on with new studies of child development & sports psychology starting in less than 2 weeks. I’ve also taken up a breakdancing class haha so I’m looking forward to spinning round on my head & all that.. breakdancing. I’ve always been interested in doing it & then a few weeks ago I decided to just go for it & booked a 3 month course, which began 3 hours after my final exam for a module. So it was also a treat for my hard work & effort over the year.

I can honestly say that all the hurt is subsiding. It does take time, hell it takes time. It’s such a slow process but it’s better than remaining stuck in bitterness forever. If I hadn’t taken certain steps I wouldn’t be so fortunate, primarily me moving away. If I hadn’t done so things would have been very different…I also stumbled upon something a few months ago called “Emotional refocusing techniques” which you use in the moment when you feel stress/ anxiety/ anger/ etc. creeping in; you stop in your tracks & take a time out, breath deeply while focusing all your energy on the area around your heart, make a sincere effort to activate a positive feeling, ask yourself what would be an efficient, effective attitude or action that would balance & de-stress your system, then quietly sense any change in perception or feeling, & sustain it as long as you can.

Dec 2014: “Did the counselling work? No. I still get mad at the past…It would be nice for the pain & bitterness to be permanently gone but the sad thing is I think I’ve had to accept that I’m going to get angry every now & again & that’s just the way it is for me…I’ll keep trying to let go though. I’ll keep on keeping on & living as well as I can despite the underlying bitterness & resentment I have.

Jan 2015: “I was considering doing more counselling in the new year but I think it’s possible that’s just going to keep me in hurt mode, where I’m rehashing all the details of what I’m angry & bitter about. I’ll just end up leaving the room worse than when I entered because all the feeling that come with the memories will have been resurrected. If I find that I do really need to do more counselling then I will… I also think all the hate I’ve been harbouring has been stopping the right woman coming into my life. Now that I’ve let go lets see if I’m right.. I’m not allowing the hate to consume me any longer. 3 years is long enough. I may still get angry now & again if I think about it but I won’t allow it to fill my soul.

I want to be truly happy & find the woman of my dreams. I know it’s not possible to do that whilst harbouring hate…I agree my son doesn’t deserve an angry father.

I want to beat the fuck out of that guy. I do imagine that if our paths cross outside my child being with him, that I’ll drag him out of his car & bite lumps out of his face. I’m sorry for sounding like a nutter… All the old feelings of hate & bitterness have resurfaced & for the past few hours I’ve been having a mild anxiety attack…I have things to keep me busy & productive for example today & tomorrow I am doing a suicide intervention course as part of my new job training. I have my studies, self development reading, meditation, exercise. I’m just really trying hard not to allow this dark cloud back into my life.. I’ve struggled with bitterness & hatred for almost 4 years now… I have hated with biblical proportions… I do still sometimes feel I still want revenge.. There is something called the emotional freedom technique where you tap on various body parts while repeating affirmations or something like that. It sounds like something definitely worth trying as it is focused on freeing you permanently from emotional pains. Anyone know of it? Note : I have things going on in my life like the degree I’m studying, I train boxing (which releases frustration), I started breakdance & from next month I’ll be doing it 6 hours a week, I read, I walk. Basically I do have things to keep me occupied. But I’m always hurting inside.

April 2015: “Up until the turn of the year it was a regular boiling rage inside & now it is not so much. In fact only very briefly I think about it for a minute or 2 then forget about it again. Deep down it’ll probably always be there but I’m doing well in not allowing it to control my emotions any more…Deep down, it’s there. I’m doing amazingly well with progress in regards to letting go of the anger… I like doing the EFT & meditation I believe it really is helping my inner peace.

July 2015: “My mother abandoned me when I was around 10 to 12 years old. She had an affair & dumped my dad…I began drinking & taking drugs from a very young age, 10 years old (smoking, abusing solvents & cannabis from even younger than 10)..I probably enjoyed doing those things to blank out the pain of what happened… the drink, the drugs, becoming out of control ..it was a form of abandonment & rejection on my mother’s part… Mum eventually had the affair & we all separated. After a few years, when I was heavily into hard drugs, mum herself became an alcoholic. For years I would barely see her, I think I’ve probably gone 2 years without seeing her on one occasion, but I was busy being addicted to ecstasy, speed & cocaine, living a wild & hectic life… I gave up all drugs 5 years ago, in fact it’s my 5 year anniversary on Saturday the 1st of August & now I work against drugs helping educate kids on their dangers…I have decided I need help & I am going to seek out CBT or something similar with proven effective practical techniques that assist healing, as opposed to just talking about the pain therefore resurfacing it all.

Dec 2015:  “Life is great and to be truly honest, all the amazing things I have in my life now in my career and more, are a direct result of what she did, because I utilised that pain and turned my life around. It’s bittersweet because it came from such hurt, but here I am.

Jan 2017: “I DO feel about 80% less anger than I used to a few years ago. This is a very positive thing because the pain I used to feel as a result of all the burning rage was literally cremating my soul…but the memories never truly fade. And somewhere deep inside that craving for revenge against the men involved will linger. However, life is good and always getting better. I have major plans for the future.

Sept 2018: “I’m not the person i used to be. I’m not that p****d off, furious guy anymore. I work for a good company. I’m starting my own business soon.

Oct 2018: “Deep down part of me still wants revenge.

Nov 2018: “I’m already a bachelor, and I intend to be forever. I just can’t wait to be a wealthy one. I’m doing it for me, but I want her to know and realise I became so as a result of her doings, and that will be bittersweet for her, I hope… I’m about to launch my first ever business, which is – initially at least – going to be based online. I’m really excited about it. This is actually one of the long term positives that came out of my past misery, since this is the next chapter of the life I’ve been building ever since the dark days when I got hurt in all those ways.

April 2019: “Luckily I have a lot going on in my life and I am happy. With much more happier times on the way, as I will one day sooner rather than later be able to resign and be my own boss. ..I’m always progressing and developing both professionally and in my personal life. ..I’ve been reading Tony Robbins book Awaken the Giant Within ..In it, he talks about and teaches through examples of how we can change how we see, think and interpret things.

May 2019: “I am living honestly and responsibly. .. I’m developing professionally and as a person, got my driving license, lost 40lbs at the gym, made many new friends, and I’m building my own business. I don’t have the dark cloud and burning rage of 2014 still hanging over me….being a volunteer telephone counsellor for children and young people a over a period of 2 years through 2016/2018.

July 2019: “A new girl started in our office, she’s going to be on my team.. She’s the sister of one of the managers.. I’m literally sat beside her all day long coaching her and being her fall- back as she talks to customers on the phone… It does pain me to leave at this time, but it’s a project I just can’t afford to miss out on as it’s worth 5k…I’m just going to do my best to train her as best I can over the next 2 days so that she’s more confident in the job, because as I’m leaving for 3 weeks

August 2019:  “I’ve worked at a company for 4 years…I’ve envisioned scenes where I crack and give him a piece of my mind, but I’m a very positive person and everyone in the office knows I am and they like this particular trait of mine. In fact I’m taking my “friends” criticism and using it to my advantage – because people who bring you down make you more determined to prove them wrong.

What would anyone do in my situation? Or has anyone perhaps been in a similar situation? I do plan on leaving at some point as soon as I’m able to support myself financially, but I don’t want to have to leave prematurely due to my irritant friend.

Nov 2019: “I attempted a dropshipping business this year, which failed. I learned a lot but it just didn’t work out. I graduated with a degree in psychology last year, and I am quite confident deep down that I should be able to utilise it in a new business. I was a volunteer telephone counsellor for 2 years, and have always been someone that others turn to for advice and guidance, having myself overcame substance abuse 9 years ago. I’m also super confident and positive pretty much all the time, to the point that colleagues have sometimes said I could be a motivational speaker. This is where I start to think that perhaps some sort of advice business or life coaching type business would be a good idea.

anita

Dear Danny:

You are very welcome. This job looks interesting, exciting, really, and I do hope you get it. I want to look at the job description more thoroughly tomorrow morning and reply to you then,  in about 13 hours from now.

anita