Met perfect girl. But we can't be together.

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by tony.

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July 30, 2014 at 4:28 am #62210

seraph
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Hi tinybuddha,

this is my first post but I’ve been hanging around this forum for some time. Recently something happend to me and I have to ask for an advice.

My question is short:
“What should I do?”.

And here is the situation:
I’ve met a girl 2 months ago. The moment we saw(!) each other was very “different”, I had this feeling like I’ve met her before, and I knew her for very long time. I never experienced such a strong feeling to someone I just saw(and I’ve met decent amount of girls). It’s very hard to explain. Even more interesting thing is that she later told me, she have the same feeling. Everything about her is very well balanced and looks like we are exactly perfect match. She says the same thing.

But here is the problem, and it’s very big. She has a boyfriend.

They’ve been together for 2,5 years but always long distance. This means they’ve have never been together as a real couple. We already slept together and fall in love in each other. But we both feel happy and terrible at the same time. She doesn’t what to leave her boyfriend, becouse she doesn’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to see him hurt either so I don’t push her to do this. I stopped our physical contacs becouse I felt really deep remorse.

Right now I’m completle clueless about my futher actions. Should I wait? Should I stop seeing her?

Can anyone please give me some advice? I’m really desperate.

PS I’m 25

July 30, 2014 at 5:15 am #62214

Inky
Participant

Good Morning!

I am so old school on this one I flip to the other side, a radical one.

“All’s fair in love and war.”

And, people used to date each other, many people, a lot. And once you find the right one, you “Know”. Then there’s no messing around.

I say, if she’s not engaged, go for it.

I also say, a real live, current, close relationship trumps a long distant, long drawn out, mostly virtual relationship.

There is one magic line to free yourselves of the whole mess. But only she can utter the enchanted words.

They are: “I met somebody.”

July 30, 2014 at 9:47 am #62226

Matt
Participant

Inky,

Goosebumps, well said! Reads like a poem to me. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

Seraph,

Its clear how much you want her to choose you, trust that. Perhaps you’re not on the same page, such as her feelings for you are not what you think they are, but if they are, you’re in luck! She may need time to grow the courage, but you should definitely tell her your desires. Not “you must do such”, rather “my heartfelt wish, my dream is such”. Then, stay open to what she wants, listen, respond.

Consider that she can’t avoid hurting him, because she has already found you. If she returns what you have for her, then she can have a clean break, let go. Slow, steady, like pulling off a band-aid. Even though it stings, keep going, its just a moment in time, breathe. Be free.

Also, if and when she does decide to break it off, don’t let her grief make you jealous (or wavering in her desire). It doesn’t mean the click you two share is being threatened, it only means she has some stuff to process. She may need time alone, or especially tender openness if you’re with her. Hug that heart, help her know she made a good choice, is well loved, thoughts of ex-boyfriend, confusion, and all. Make that space in your heart for all of her, she deserves it!

With warmth,
Matt

July 31, 2014 at 1:57 am #62299

David4500
Participant

i used to have a choice to choose like her. to be with the person i like most or not hurting the person that love me most. now the person that i love most, decided to stop contacting me forever even though i have already decided to choose the person i love most.

If she really can’t decide what to do, stop contacting her at all. i know it is hard for you, but if you really do love her, let her go. she will come back to you if she made a decision. If not, find another girl, don’t keep hurting her.

hope it helps, good luck!

July 31, 2014 at 10:55 pm #62384

tony
Participant

The problem I see here is that you view her as being “perfect” and that you have became desperate for her. If she was perfect for you, then the other guy wouldn’t be in the equation. You are seeing her for more than what she is worth, and you’re fooling yourself. You need to accept the fact that she isn’t “perfect” and that effort needs to be put in if you want her that bad, despite how you make it sound like she’s your soul-mate by that first moment being very “different.”

I can’t tell you what you should do because I don’t know the small details of this, but I will tell you what I would do. I would move on and find someone else. I wouldn’t wait because that’s like you’re hoping for her relationship to not work out, and this hope would make you even more desperate for it to become a reality. Also, by waiting for this person, this might be in your way of seeing other people.
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