<p style=”text-align: left;”>Passive aggressive behaviours, yes, that’s a good way to describe it. Now I’m left in utter panic and the only thing I’ve been able to think about all day for the last week is the status of the relationship. The same way that he says its fine, I’m in doubt that it is. I can’t take his word for it in a positive way.</p>
So too on the contrary. So many things he says I’m ready to be offended. But to such a silly extent. He’ll make a comment or criticism, however accurate or not. But it’s instantly evidence that he will soon break up with me. No matter how much he says to the contrary.

I cant imagine how tedious that must be for him. When he visited it was fine, then a slight disconnect (from my perspective) after he got back, and I was already justifying pushing him away, being depressed/down beat, being defensive towards him.

I’d  thought it was me resenting the distance but idk, I feel like it’s so unnecessary.

He turned off his online status on WhatsApp, for example. He said it was partially other people pestering him while he’s studying, but also, after I asked him if it was because of me, because I kept mentioning he had been online but not replied to me. I see myself doing these sorts of things and think how absurd they are, if a friend was doing it I’d really caution against it. Yet I’m the dog with the bone again.

He said too it’s hard to want to talk for a long time when all I talk about is how upset I am, or how my life is unhappy etc. Especially when really… there isn’t anything wrong with it.

I want to reestablish a warmer connection with him. He said just to live, let life flow etc. I don’t know what to tell myself so I don’t throw away something that otherwise gave me happiness and satisfaction.

Well, I suppose in reality I am in control of whether or not I think this fear is valid. Others can tell me yes or no… maybe that’s the message here… what if I just decide to believe it is alright?