Love Guidance Required!

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This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 12 months ago by Inky.

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April 8, 2018 at 2:17 am #201265

A. Prashanth
Participant

Hello All,

So there is this girl at work. Im 29 (Just turned 29). She is just 21, soon to be 22. There is a difference of about 7 and a half years between us. This is problem number 1. I’ve been seeing her from a distance for almost a year now. Never had the opportunity to talk to her, as work wise there is nothing common for us (our departments are different). She is always surrounded by her gang of friends. She comes to work a bit late and leaves as soon as the work time is over. So there is hardly any opportunity outside work for me to talk to her. Within work, I couldn’t talk to her much, as despite us having a few common friends, I couldn’t ask any of them to introduce her to me, as that would make it obvious for them that I’m interested in her and rumors would start to spread. I’m now a senior at work so my image is also important. I could not be going after her with no valid reason as it would seem to her im trying to flirt and make her think of me as a low life or a creep. And I have this reputation of being a gentleman, as I’m one of the few men in our work who hasn’t been in a relationship or even made obvious flirting attempts. And I’m from India and things are a bit different here. Not all people are open to relationships, dating and stuff and many even see those as bad (for these lot arranged marriages are the norm). There is a good probability that if I expressed myself to her, she might think badly of me. I also have a feeling that she might know I’m interested in her, as our glances have met numerous times and things like this could be sensed. My really close circle knows I’m interested in her and I’m kind of doubtful that she might know about my interest through someone gossiping even among my close circle. I’m getting torn apart between my yearning to get to know her by talking to her regularly and the fear that she might think of me to be a creep. If I had been 2-5 years older, then it wouldn’t seem that bad. But since I’m so much older to her, I don’t know how she would react. All I can tell is, it’s been hellish in the past few weeks. Any advises?

April 8, 2018 at 3:07 am #201269

Anonymous
Guest

Dear A.Prashanth:

You wrote: “I’m now a senior at work so my image is also important”. You wrote that you have the image of a gentleman at work and that you are afraid that if you approach this woman without a valid reason that your image will be that of “a low life or a creep”.

You don’t have a valid reason to approach her because she works in a different department, unrelated to yours. You also don’t have much time to approach her because she comes to work late and leaves as soon as the work day is over and because she is always surrounded by a gang of her friends.

The two possibilities that come to my mind are:

1. do not approach her at all, give up on the idea of getting to know her or have her in your life.

2. if you do approach her, got to make it a very dignified approach, nothing light, nothing of a flirty nature. The approach has to be of a serious nature, such that fits the gentleman image you already have at work. Maybe something like this: you walk toward her, and greet her, then turn to her gang of friends and say: will you excuse me, I would like to talk privately to (her name). As they move away and give you that privacy, you ask her to meet you for coffee or tea, in a public setting, of course, sometime after work or on a weekend. If she is shocked at your approach, you can suggest that she thinks about it and get back to you with an answer by the next day perhaps.

anita

April 8, 2018 at 4:37 am #201293
Eliana
Participant
Hi,

I can understand, given the work and professional circumstances, this could be very difficult and awkward. I am wondering, something casual..for example, if you have any co-workers you go out with after work for drinks or dinner, or just to hang out somewhere? Why not ask them to meet up with you somewhere after work (don’t mention the woman) and if they agree, casually mention to the woman you and some co-workers are going out after work, and would she (and her friends) like to meet you out where you are going? (since you mentioned she hangs out with friends). That way it keeps things “friendly and casual” just people meeting up after work for dinner or drinks and see what happens? Just a thought..keep us posted..
- This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Eliana.
April 8, 2018 at 6:09 am #201319

Inky
Participant

Hi A. Prashanth,

I like the classic “A group of us are getting together after work” scenario. This also fits with you approaching her as a gentleman of the office. The culture, the age difference, and the work environment make this romance less likely to happen, I’m afraid. But you can always go out together for drinks! (In a group, of course.)

Good Luck!

Inky
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