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Losing my mindset :(

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  • August 11, 2016 at 4:28 am #112129
    Chi
    Participant

    I’m not sure if this will make sense to anyone, but I feel like I’m losing my mindset, as in my desire for spiritual enlightenment.

    I had first learned about Buddhism through my girlfriend, she was really into and wanted me to get into it, but I didn’t. Then, a few months later, something told me to just do some research and see what I find. The more things I read, watched and played, the more I realized that this is the belief I had been looking for my entire life! It was at that moment that I realized that I had found something that that finally made sense, and I was ready to change my life forever…

    …that was about a month ago. I was doing so well! Meditating, thinking positively, remembering the Eightfold Path, showing compassion, etc. Now I feel like it’s all leaving my mind and the old me is coming back. The old me isn’t a terrible person, but it’s not the new me that I had grown to love.

    I hope I’m not rambling. What I’m trying to say is that I want to get back to how I was doing before, but I don’t know how, or if I even can. Help!

    August 11, 2016 at 6:24 am #112131
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi djindjii,

    We have to be who and what we are. Buddhism was a nice temporary overlay, but it is not *you*. I feel like you were trying to replace your Default Self with a new improved perfect Buddhist Self.

    Sure, some things in Buddhism you could internalize, but don’t feel guilty for reverting back to YOU. Your True Nature.

    Best,

    Inky

    August 11, 2016 at 6:44 am #112132
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear djindji:

    My advice is that you don’t try ” to get back to how I was doing before,” that is, to what and how you were doing in the last month. Don’t try to be a Buddhist. Don’t try to do Everything that you believes being a Buddhist is about. In other words, tame the attraction you have to the label, A Buddhist.

    Re-read or write down (paraphrase to yourself) one or a few of the principles you like so much about Buddhism and apply one today, in something you normally do. For example, meditation doesn’t have to be the sitting type meditation. It can be the ongoing type meditation aka Mindfulness. Let’s say you prepare your lunch to go, something you do everyday. Pay attention to every part of the operation, not rushing through it. Focus on the sensations involved: what you See, Hear, Feel with your hands, Smell, Taste (if you do).

    And for the rest of the day, don’t rush. One movement at a time, focused. This is a Buddhist principle.

    anita

    August 12, 2016 at 12:43 am #112213
    Chi
    Participant

    Thanks for all the great advice. Looking back, I can agree that I may have tried to replace my old self with a new Buddhist self, and now that I’m starting to fall back, I’m making myself feel guilty for it. That’s not how it should be. In Buddhism, one of the Eightfold Paths is called Right Effort: the effort to keep yourself wholesome and on the right path. So now I will focus on just that, and take it day by day.

    Again, thank you for your advice Inky and Anita. So glad I found this site.

    Love and Light,
    Chi <3

    August 12, 2016 at 8:07 am #112219
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, djindjii, and post anytime.
    anita

    August 12, 2016 at 5:14 pm #112265
    Evan
    Participant

    Hey djindji,

    Before I reply, it feels as though you have a resolution. Perhaps I add this, more for contemplation material if you choose 🙂

    All religions, and philosophies have similar threads, and Buddhism is no exception. I researched most of them when I was younger to understand my inner path.

    My advice comes from a zen saying which confused me for many years. I understand it intellectually, and then deeper as time went on, to now on a more spiritual level.

    The saying is….

    At first mountains are mountain, and rivers are rivers
    Then mountains are no longer mountains, and rivers are no longer rivers
    then finally mountains are mountains, and rivers are rivers

    My understanding around this is that the many religions, and philosophies are there to point to a truth that is unable to be put into words. The closer you define it, the further you are from understanding it. The tools given to reveal this truth, are to ‘strip’ your mind of all the labels, judgements, opinions, conclusions, beliefs as to what is….
    This is the first part of the saying – to recognise mountain, rivers, plants, people, separation, judgements, beliefs, etc…

    Once you ‘see’ or recognise these things within yourself, your inner journey begins by removing these limiting mind objects that seperate you from everything around you. This journey is the initial path to understanding that you are not just a physical being, nor are you defined by your beliefs,and circumstances. Your identity shifts from being Evan, or Peter, or Jane, or ‘djindji’. Your ideas around life, the universe and everything are no longer as explainable, nor does it make sense to your mind. Your mind is ‘part’ of the everything, yet it thinks itself to be ‘apart’ from everything. This is confronting, and confusing, and many people turn back the the comfort of the mind, until the universe offers them another opportunity (or lifetime) to once again look within…..
    This is the second line – mountains are not just mountains, as that is simply a label for communication sake now….

    The third line is the inner recognising – the initial stage of enlightenment, and the new ‘identification’ if you will. There are no labels, or names that can express who you really are. There can only be sign posts and tools of communication to understand one another. For example, My name is Evan, yet that is just a name, and without it, emailing becomes very difficult 😉 To call a flower a ‘flower’ is to limit its true existence, and expression of living energy. defining something with a few letters, or vocal grunts and sounds, can never ‘define’ what it is. As you feel this endless space within then………

    Mountains are mountains, and rivers are rivers…….. Simply they just are, and the label is understood as just that.

    Best

    Evan – or am I 🙂

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