Home→Forums→Relationships→Losing my boyfriend to an arranged marriage.
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anita.
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October 18, 2014 at 4:31 am #66411
@Jasmine-3
ParticipantHi Shantigirl
I am so sorry for your suffering. I don’t have any words, which will lighten the load of your heart ache. However, from my life experiences, I can assure you one thing: What is yours no one can take it away from you and what is not yours, no one can give it to you despite all efforts or struggles. You have tried your best and now leave it to the Universe to figure out what is good for your highest good. Have faith in your higher self. It will never let you astray nor will it let any unhappiness stay in your life for too long. Keep looking for the blessings in this difficult time as they will help to raise you above the line.
Best wishes,
Jasmine
October 18, 2014 at 10:26 am #66419Shantigirl
ParticipantThank you Jasmine, your kind words mean a lot.
Yes I will keep looking for blessings, they are what are giving me strength at the moment. I appreciate that I was given this chance to love and be loved and I gave my everything to this relationship. Right now I feel so grateful for all the support and understanding from my family and friends.
Thank you for taking the time to post, I really appreciate it 🙂November 30, 2014 at 3:52 pm #68580Shantigirl
ParticipantIt has been seven weeks since this all happened and me and my boyfriend had to split. It has been extremely difficult and I feel like I have made no progress.
I feel like I am lost. I am grieving for the loss of my boyfriend, his family and a home I thought was mine also. I am grieving for our future, for my future. All my memories of India, the language, the culture, all the things I had to learn mean nothing now.
I have no idea where I am supposed to go now or what I am supposed to do. I currently do not have a job,and I can’t seem to make a decision on where to look for one. I can’t make a decision to do anything.
It feels like my future is bleak and I don’t want to take a step forward into my disappointing life.
I thought my life was going to be an adventure with the love of my life and now it feels like it will be disappointing.
I have no dreams. My dreams have been taken away.Please, does anyone have any words to help me through this. I am so lost.
December 1, 2014 at 8:58 pm #68633@Jasmine-3
ParticipantHi Shantigirl
I am sorry for what has transpired. I know it is a difficult phase that you are going through and some days are going to be good and some days not so good. However, you gotta keep your head above the water and aim for the best.
Sometimes not getting what you want or desire is the BIGGEST blessing you can get from the Universe. I have had so many such blessings in my life and I am so grateful for whoever is watching over me. I know the same being is watching over you.
Hang in there and live in the present moment. Do things that make you sing and dance in joy. Forget about the past and don’t stress about the future. What we do today is determining every second in the future. So make your NOW the best and your future will be bright. Your dreams will unfold right in front of you if you let them.
And one more thing: If a guy who claims to love you but is not willing to sacrifice anything for that love (regardless of culture differences etc), is he worth spending any more tears on ? NO. A beautiful life awaits you. Go make something good out of it 🙂 Do anything but just go out and do it !!!!!
Sending you heaps of love and positive energy. I know you are going to be just fine.
Jasmine
December 4, 2014 at 5:14 pm #68772Matt Turner
ParticipantHi Shantigirl,
I read your original post and have been following the conversation. I’m wondering how you are right now?
If there is anything I can offer, just ask.
Warmly,
Matt.
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This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by
Matt Turner.
December 5, 2014 at 6:10 am #68800Shantigirl
ParticipantThank you Jasmine for your kind and helpful words. They mean a lot. Slowly I am realising that this may have been a blessing, I must have been meant for other things. I understand and respect what you said about my boyfriend not choosing our love. However I could never blame or think badly about his decision as ultimately it was not his decision. His life, is culture is more difficult and different than I can perhaos ever understand and I would not want to be the only thing in his life. He does not know life outside of India so I could not ask him to give it all up and step into the unknown. I will always have a special place for him in my heart but I am starting to believe that my life is going to be something more. I have started brainstorming and thinking about my passions and where my life may take me now.
For the first time in a long time I am excited and hopeful and I have started to meditate again and make peace with this life again.
Thank you Matt for your concern. I am doing well today. I am feeling hopeful and thankful and I am beginning to believe in living again. It has been my greatest struggle so far but I feel it will be ok. I am so grateful for so many people and things.
So thank you. It is good people that make me happy about this world. I will be ok 🙂December 5, 2014 at 10:10 am #68815Matt Turner
ParticipantHi Shantigirl,
I’m pleased to hear you have some clarity of thought. Culture, religion and family units within those two areas can be terribly complicated and sometimes hard to understand. I feel for his struggle, as I do yours!
Keep and open mind, open heart and open eyes for what’s new, what’s ahead and what’s always on offer.
In time, you’ll be more than OK.
Good luck and much warmth.
Matt.
Hi Shantigirl,
I’m pleased to hear you have some clarity of thought. Culture, religion and family units within those two areas can be terribly complicated and sometimes hard to understand. I feel for his struggle, as I do yours!
Keep and open mind, open heart and open eyes for what’s new, what’s ahead and what’s always on offer.
In time, you’ll be more than OK.
Good luck and much warmth.
Matt.
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This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by
Matt Turner.
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This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by
tinybuddha.
December 10, 2014 at 2:24 am #69042xWhy
ParticipantShantigirl, listen to jasmine. She is very, very wise.
December 19, 2014 at 3:42 pm #69521rita
ParticipantHi
the same has happened to me. Iv been with my boyfriend for 10 months and he said he would marry me. i met him abroad and came back to my home country. he has now told me a week ago that he cannot marry me as his parents are arranging his marriage in india!! i was in shock as we had talked about marriage.
we are stil talking but not together anymore, i am finding it really hard to let him go completely as i love him so much.
i am really upset and he wont change his mind about the arranged marriage.
January 14, 2015 at 11:22 am #71315Jemma
ParticipantHi, Shantigirl.
I am going through this as we speak. My boyfriend told me after the start to the new year that we cannot be together because his parents are searching for a wife for him. I was indescribably heartbroken. I have talked to my friends and my family. No one seems to understand; they can only tell me that things will be okay in time. That is actually painful to think about right now. How will things be okay with time if I only imagined that time to be spent with him? We planned to travel to Europe together this summer, but those dreams won’t happen. I know he deeply loves me still, but I feel so alone and lost. We are still in touch, and I feel like I am racing against time until his family decides his future. Do you think we will still be friends? There is nothing more that my restless soul wants right now than him. He has brought out the life in me again. I need to find out how to get that back. It will be two weeks since we began to let go and things haven’t been let go completely yet. Tomorrow I will send his birthday package as I promised, and after that, I think it will be best to distance myself from him as much as possible. I feel like no one understands this level of heartbreak. I have broken up with someone before, but never have I had to create a break with the most loving, trustworthy, and compassionate man on earth. How do I get over this?Thanks,
JemmaJanuary 14, 2015 at 1:59 pm #71354Shantigirl
ParticipantHi Jemma
I really wish I had answers for you but sadly I do not. I am struggling with my loss on a daily basis and the only thing I can hold on to is that indeed it will be ok in time.
Can you tell me a little more about yourself and your boyfriend, where are you from? Did you meet him in India? Has he visited outside of India? How long have you been together? Did you meet his parents?
It is so awful that these things still happen and yes the heartbreak does feel unbearable and it feels as though no one could possibly understand. …
It feels for me sometimes as though I will never find happiness again but all I can do is keep plodding along, keep alive and hope one day things will be better. There simply is nothing else to do.February 25, 2015 at 4:15 pm #73277Bobbie
ParticipantHi Everybody,
I’ve been seeing a sweet Inidan man for the last 6 months (here in the U.S.), and to my surprise he just told me loved me last Friday. Well, this morning he left on a plane to India for two weeks about an arranged marriage to placate his parents. He told me that he’s 99.9% sure that he’s not going to agree to it, but reading this post now has me worried!
We’re both in our 30’s, and he has two children from a previous relationship (with an Indian woman here in the U.S.), so I’m not sure how serious this matter is. I do know that it will be a huge weight lifted off his shoulders as he keeps talking about all the fun things we’ll do together when he gets back. And where he told me he wasn’t interested in a relationship before, he now wants to call me his girlfriend. Understandably, I’ve only agreed to wait for him.
My particular predicament is that I’m not in love with this man yet, but that’s because he really hasn’t let me in whereas I’m more of an open book. I’m hoping that he comes back, un-betrothed, and we can really explore a relationship together. He’s so attentive, patient, understanding, helpful. I’ve never been with a man like him, and I’ve never had a relationship like this. I love spending time with him, but I have to admit I have trust issues and he has not been very forthcoming. Haha! I’m hoping this weight lifted off his shoulders will give him the freedom to be more open with me.
I’m not sure if anybody is interested in hearing this journey, but I can certainly keep you posted. I’ve honestly never reached out in this format, and I’ve only told two friends. Everybody else thinks it’s a business trip. So, it does feel good to share my thoughts and feelings here, but I’m just not sure it’s helpful or brings solace to the other hurting ladies on here. I might be joining you very soon! I already miss texting him throughout the day, and I’m trying to fill my schedule to keep myself occupied until he’s back.
Wish me luck please, and pass good vibes. I feel like this is a storyline in a movie, haha! I think I’m still in shock that this is happeneing right now. But at the end of the day, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And I know that if he comes back to me, it doesn’t solve everything. Like, the fact that my white dad hates the idea of me dating outside my ethnicity, even though he was once married to my Mexican mother! I hope these two weeks FLY BY!
I would love to hear more about everybody here as well, as Shantigirl said! I really do feel for everybody here. I’ve been through some heart-wrenching heartbreaks in my time. I’ve been single for about 2 yrs, and I’m ready for love again! The best advice I can ever give anybody going through this is to keep your head up, and be alone for a bit and focus on yourself for a bit. And try not to bring whatever baggage you have to a new relationship – we all have it but it’s unfair to both parties involved. But you CAN find happiness again. You just have to let yourself…
Thanks for listening!
-BobbieFebruary 26, 2015 at 8:05 am #73307MJL
ParticipantShantigirl, Just wanted to let you know I am sending white energy light to surround you as you move through grieving and move forward with your life. You are very strong!
Caring
MJMarch 15, 2015 at 2:12 pm #73949Nothisanymore
ParticipantAfter five years of loving my Indian boyfriend, first after having met him online when we were only 18 and 20, and then seeing him come to North America to finish his education and launch his professional career, all the while in hopes we may eventually get his parents to approve, now finally the time for him to seek their permission is only a couple of months away and I feel crushed by stress. He finally admitted to me that he holds very little hope of getting their approval and must abide by their decision if they deny his request. Part of me respects the different culture he was raised in, yet I suffer bouts of even physical pain knowing he doesn’t love me enough to need me in his life. It is tearing me apart right now and I’m feeling like I’m on the verge of cracking. I wonder, if their culture makes loveless marriages work, can I inflict that on someone here merely so I can have children? Thinking of him moving on quickly to an arranged marriage makes me sick, I can’t fathom how he can do it and it makes me feel he can’t really love me at all. I am beginning to think Indians don’t understand love other than in the family sense, like they are raised in a cult like environment where they are brain washed to only value family love and to shun romantic love
April 28, 2015 at 6:14 pm #75926irish
ParticipantI am currently in this situation right now and im totally broken. We have been together for one year and 3months and we really love each other. Im a christian and he is muslim. We met here in canada as colleagues, and madly fell inlove with each other. Im a foreign worker and im working with a contract under my boyfriend’s uncles. They learned about our relationship, talked to us to separate, even threatened both of us that they will send their nephew who is my boyfriend in lebanon and me in my country. But we fought and lasted for a year and 3 months. His uncle can not do anything Even if they make my life in the store a living hell. I can not find another job because im under contract and i dont wanna leave my love of my life. We work together, see each other everyday and we fall inlove again and again each day that comes. I am now 23. I heard from him just last saturday that his uncles who are on vacation in lebanon and his parents in lebanon arranged a marriage for him. He is now engaged with a girl that he never met personally and will be married in his coming vacation within this year. This is the only way his uncles could think to make the two of us separate even at our early age.
My boyfriend and his family is too traditional that they believe in arranged mareiage than letting one of them love and marry someone who is not in their community. My boyfriend can not say no to his family because both of us are still young, he works for his uncles, he is the bread winner in his family and if he chose me he will be excluded in his family and work Where he is the assigned manager.
I feel so helpless, i asked him if we can still be together since the girl is miles away from us and i can not afford working with him, and seeing him everyday with the thought that he is going to be with someone else. I know that it is so stupid of me to want the two of us to continues loving each other despite what is going on now. He said it would be difficult becuase he needs to learn to forget me and learn to love his future wife. But i insisted and because he loves me, we are still doing what we used to do, what lovers are used to do.
But everytime im alone, i always cry because i know that he will be getting married very soon. Im thinking of suiciding or planning to get impregnated with him hoping that our baby will change whatever is happening now.
I need your help. What should i do? -
This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by
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