Thanks Pink Nails.

Hi Leila

You are not searching for happiness, eh ? What will you achieve by having connections and needing to look after others ? Why do you want that ? Perhaps, you need to look more deeply into why you want what you want. Unfortunately or fortunately, all of us are on the pursuit of happiness. Happiness doesn’t mean being in an excited state all the time. It just means having a state of being, whereby you feel calm, peaceful, grateful and content and have the strength to deal with whatever life throws at you. You are able to maintain this state regardless of any external situations, circumstances or people. Are we there yet ?

In response to your question – Yes, some evolved people can be very content without having friends or loved ones to share their lives with. They have chosen this path as they have realised that everything in this world is temporary except for unconditional love so they treat the whole world as their friend / loved ones.

Look around to see if anything is the same as it was from 2 years ago. I doubt you will have anything, which wont have changed. Even all the cells in us change every few months. The only permanent in our lives is change. Change of circumstances, people, situations, countries, emotions etc. A person who is able to embrace this uncertainty makes an awesome life for himself or herself as he / she doesn’t get stuck to outcomes. You just merely enjoy everything that comes your way and let go and march ahead with your head held high up. And trust me, this is possible with some self awareness and regular practice of unconditional love.

Previously, you found meaning in your career. When the relationship broke down, your focus changed and now you are looking to find meaning in connections. This doesn’t make sense. Do you think you are running away from your truth ? Perhaps learning to appreciate what you have currently may help you to foster the connections and career you look for. Live in the present rather than chase something in the long term.

And fostering connections take a lot of self love. If you are nice to YOURSELF, this love will flow onto others unconditionally and everyone deserving of you will be attracted to you. If you are nasty to YOURSELF, this negativity will flow onto others as well and you will attract similar events and people into your life. Why don’t you try it ?

Be kind to yourself Leila. You have spent 38 years being a slave to the world and its demands. How about changing this around to becoming a master of your life and going for what makes you happy and content ?

All the dots will connect. And please do consider seeing a GP or a counsellor to see if they can benefit you in some way on your journey. Stop the self pitying right in its tracks.

Jasmine

Hi pink nails,

Sorry to hear about your tough times, but I’m glad you shared with me. I guess we should both listen to your dad and remember that nothing is permanent. I haven’t been able to talk with anyone about how I feel, outside of the tiny Buddha forum. I did contemplate trying to find a counselor, but I thought I’d put in my best effort to pick myself up And dust myself off first. I’m trying to meditate each night and am finding resources for healing through writing.

Hi jasmine-

Thanks again for responding. I realize that I’m very fixed on outcomes and change is very hard for me. I don’t really go with the flow, at least not in terms of unexpected things. I’d love to not just be more accepting, but also more self aware of my rigid tendencies.

I would like to find a way to learn how to live for myself instead of others… I think without the others in my picture, I’m finding it hard to have a reason for living.