I am sorry you’re going through this. The older we get, the more difficult it can be to get invested in someone emotionally.

What you had was a perfect storm of Distance and her Immaturity. You almost can’t get mad at her ~ she is still immature, half baked, crazy. I’m sure she will be a lovely person ~ in ten or fifteen years. Unless she is very young, she is a late bloomer. What mature adult woman lets herself get caught up in a long distance relationship unless it was serious?

Instead of saying, “It’s all over!” try saying, “Maybe one day, who knows?” This will help you cast her loose, mentally.

Consider her a blueprint for what you DON’T want in a relationship. And then, when ready, find a mature, local woman.

Hi Keith,

I took the time to read your post because it was similar to the one I posted a couple of weeks ago. I was in a similar situation to yours, on a LDR for more than two years, but we didn’t meet that often because of financial aspects. Even though I’m not your age, I’m looking almost the same as you do in a relationship, something stable where you expect to get what you give… but that one is the first mistake we made: to give with expectations of getting something similar in exchange and if we don’t get it, we feel devastate or betray.

I was having the same feelings and thoughts as you might have right now: disappointment, hopelessness, desperation and a pretty small hope that after all the effort I put on being on a long distance relationship, I was going to be back together with my ex… but it didn’t happen, however the pain has decreased and with it, I can see the stuffs clearly, especially related to how I let myself put my dignity and self-esteem below zero in order to tolerate and “forgive” his actions.

I know is hard to realize and especially to accept that is never going to be your partner’s fault because they didn’t give you what you expect, it’s actually going to be our own fault because we didn’t measure what it was to provide rational vs. irrational love, and when your dignity and self-esteem are extremely down but you still want to be with your significant other, you need to ask for help because someone that really loves you would never dare to do that and even if he/she does, he/she will try to fix it, otherwise you are wasting your time with that one.

I just hope my advices could help with something and sorry for my English, is not my mother tongue. And believe me: be patient, you need to let yourself feel the pain, so you can start to heal and learn from the wounds and with the time, the pain will go away, a couple of weeks ago I was literally dying from sadness and hopelessness. Best wishes! 🙂