Home→Forums→Relationships→Long Distance Impossible love
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Anonymous.
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January 31, 2020 at 6:49 am #335972
AnonymousInactiveHello guys it’s my first time being here and i want to share with you my problem and i hope that you can help me
i met a guy on Facebook on march 2019 and day by day we became friends then best friends and i loved him. one day i said he want more than friendship but there is restrictions because he don’t have a job and even if he will work he can’t be with me because he can’t afford a life for us because of long distance. he said that i don’t deserve someone like him.. he also said that i don’t trust many things in life because of his failed relationships in the past and he can’t take responsibilities and don’t want to promise me with things that he cannot do
he love me and i’m sure about that and he want to stay with me without a relationship and now i’m confused about talking to him as a friend or boyfriend or crush or what.. also i’m jealous and i’m thinking about he may love someone else. he is a good best friend and i don’t want to lose him.
so please tell me what should i do to keep him in my life? should i try to make him want to commit? and how to do this? or should i accept the fact that we can’t be together (even if he is thinking about visiting me) and try to build a strong friendship with him?
i don’t have friends but him and it’s hard for me to do that
i need your help guys and thank you in advance.
January 31, 2020 at 10:06 am #336024AnonymousGuestDear Kaouther:
What is clear to me is that you need a boyfriend in real life and that he is not able to be your boyfriend in real life. He is not able because he told you that “he can’t afford a life for us because of long distance”, even if he had a job. In addition to that, he doubts his ability to have a solid real life relationship with you because of “his failed relationships in the past”.
Because you “don’t have friends but him” and because you feel love for him, I imagine that you will continue to communicate with him online. I suggest that you look for opportunities to make another friend, maybe a few friends and maybe a boyfriend, in real life, while you continue to communicate with him as a friend only.
Can you make friends/get an decent boyfriend in real life?
anita
January 31, 2020 at 11:34 am #336052AnonymousInactiveThank you so much Anita for your help, you are right in need to make new friends here in real life and maybe live my real life more than living in social media and yes I will try to communicate and meet new people.
But please can you tell me how should I talk to him and when? I mean he may sometimes flirt what should I do then? Also most of the time he send morning and night texts and he talk to me during the day.. should I make a specific time in a day to talk to him and make limit or what?Thanks
January 31, 2020 at 12:08 pm #336062AnonymousGuestDear Kaouther:
You are welcome. I suggest that you tell him that you appreciate his honesty about not being able to have a real life love relationship with you because now you know that a real life love relationship with him is not possible. Tell him that you are sad about it, but you have to accept reality. Next, tell him that you are okay with having a friendship relationship with him online, nothing romantic/ no flirting- nothing other than friendship.
If he flirts with you anyway, reminds him about your online no-flirting, strictly-friendship assertion. If he flirts with you yet again, that means he doesn’t respect you, so.. friendship is not a good idea either.
Do limit the time you spend at the computer communicating with him- you decide when and for how long in a day you communicate with him. You can experiment with this aspect, aim at let’s say an hour per day and see how that works for you. If it is too much, make it half an hour, as an example.
Thing is, you don’t know yet if he is a friend; maybe he wants to use you to feel good flirting and hearing about how you love him.. while having no plans to ever have a real life relationship with you. In this case, he is quite selfish and unfair to you. Maybe he is okay with having a friendship with you online and nothing more. You will find out.
And do post again anytime you want my advice.
anita
January 31, 2020 at 12:54 pm #336070AnonymousInactiveYou helped me so much thank you again and I will try to do that
January 31, 2020 at 1:18 pm #336074AnonymousGuestYou are very welcome, Kaouther.
anita
February 3, 2020 at 4:27 pm #336460
JuliParticipantHe is telling you he isn’t interested in a romantic relationship. So you need to let that go and just be friends.
Maybe you are just lonely and grabbing at this one person who is in your virtual life. You really have no idea what he is really like! He could be married and that is why he’s giving you all of these reasons he can’t be in a relationship with you. He liable to just vanish one day, so you need to be prepared for that.
Maybe you can join some MeetUp groups to try to meet people in person, join activities that you enjoy.
February 5, 2020 at 9:47 am #336788
InkyParticipantHi Kaouther,
If you come back to this thread, I just want to add that I agree with anita and Juli.
Long distance relationships are for the birds.
Keep him as an occasional on line distraction if you want to, but do make friends and get a boyfriend in Real Life.
Locals Only,
Inky
February 6, 2020 at 2:26 am #336880AnonymousInactiveJuli and Inky thank you for your opinions yes you are both right
juli he is not married we are young bit the problem is in him he don’t have a job and he is not sure that he can be in a relationship that can last but before i write my problem here me and him were talking at messenger about his goals next year (we wasn’t talking about our relationship at all and he said when he will get a job he will visit me and he didn’t change his mind about seeing me and he said ”when we see each other we will talk more and more” and he repeated it
i don’t know what does he mean by that and i didn’t want to ask him.
but anyway i send him a message in whatsup i told him that we need to stay friends.. set limits.. talk one once a day and i’m waiting for him to see this message because he is in military and he only can open messenger
add to that next week i will join an organization and i want to start volunteering so i’m just trying to do things i love and meet new people
thank you guys and wish me luck
February 6, 2020 at 11:07 am #336954AnonymousGuestDear Kaouther:
I am glad to read this: “I send him a message in whatsup I told him that we need to stay friends.. set limits.. talk one a day”,
and to read this: “next week I will join an organization and I want to start volunteering so I’m just trying to do things I love and meet new people”-
– excellent !!!
You asked to be wished luck- I do wish you luck and also patience, because if you don’t have luck one day, better not give up, luck may happen the next day, or the next. Plus, you can learn how to behave and communicate with others so to make luck more likely to happen for you.
Post again anytime and I would love to read from you and reply every time you post.
anita
February 7, 2020 at 3:28 am #337000AnonymousInactivedear anita
you guys encouraged me to do that and to take that decision so thank you so much and of course i will post again and again
February 7, 2020 at 9:00 am #337036AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, Kaouther. I am glad to read that you will post again and again!
anita
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