Journaling because I can, because I have this space here, in my own thread-

I say “because I can” as an act of defiance, an act of rebellion, simply because I lived without such space for too long.

Better say, I suffocated without space-for-me, for too long.

It’s amazing how a person can suffocate for so long and yet, still live to tell about it.

I have been taking my space here, in my many threads, and in real-life, DANCING outdoors to live music. And I’ve been taking my space in forming friendships and friendly acquaintances.

It makes my life Worth Living (see the title of this thread?)

Listening to music.. “it’s just a shot away, ah yea..” Rolling Stones.

It’s very important to me to not CHASE anyone for friendship or attention.

Give people the space they need.

Light outside, music too loud, can’t hear the birds I assume are there, outside my open windows.

.. “Angie.. With no Loving in our Souls..”

– There IS loving in my soul!

I am a good person after all, who could have known. Not me-

I thought that I was a bad person because my mother told me so, her clearly spelled out message: YOU ANITA – BAD.

It was a false message. I FINALLY KNOW it- what a relief, so many decades after that devastating, false message took hold.

.. What has hurt me so badly in my life has been REJECTION, active rejection and passive rejection= ignoring me, not answering me, not responding to my words/ my sentiment. Nothing. As if I didn’t exist (no space for me).

Well, I exist.

More about the rejection I experienced and how MUCH it hurt:

Well, it hurt, and no rationalizing it can dim the hurt.

it’s an emotional thing, this hurt.. no words.

“Here I am on the road again.. There I go turn the page… There I .. GO.” (Music, if you don’t recognize these words).

The 20-year-old who murdered two firefighters in Idaho today and injured a third, he wanted to be a firefighter.. was he reacting to rejection?

I don’t know, his motivation wasn’t determined yet. I don’t excused the violence and death, of course, but we can all make it a better world by responding to- not ignoring- people who so desperately need a .. response.

You see a child hurting, an adult who’s still hurting? Say something, say: I see you, see you hurting, tell me more..?

Say something, don’t let people drown in unresponsive, suffocating pools of nothingness.

Help people to not feel as terribly alone as I- and so many others- have felt for too long.

Anita

Continued Journaling:

Last night I wrote: “More about the rejection I experienced and how much it hurt… it’s an emotional kind of pain. No words… The 20-year-old who murdered two firefighters in Idaho today and injured a third—he wanted to be a firefighter. Was he reacting to rejection?”

And then this morning, I read a quote on MSN from the suspect’s grandfather: > “He loved firefighters. It didn’t make sense that he was shooting firefighters. Maybe he got rejected or something.”

There it is—that word: rejected.

Of course, there’s no excusing what he did. It’s too late to offer him acceptance or understanding—too late to prevent the deaths of two firefighters and the injuries of another. But it’s not too late to extend empathy and genuine acceptance to those of us who’ve lived in the shadow of chronic rejection—rejection that lasts so long it leads to a kind of isolation that cuts both inward and outward.

An isolation so intense, so desperate, that in some cases… it becomes deadly.

And who’s to say what difference a simple act of kindness might make? A gentle smile. A moment of being seen. A stranger, troubled or alone, looked at with warmth instead of indifference.

That kind of acceptance might not fix everything. But it might mean someone keeps climbing instead of slipping further down.

Anita

11:31 PM

Dear Gerald:

Your words moved me more than I can say. Thank you—not only for your kindness, but for caring enough to write in my thread. That gesture alone speaks of such generosity, and it brought the first smile to my face this Wednesday afternoon (here in the U.S.).

That Beatles line feels like the perfect seal to your message. I’ll carry it with me.

Please know, Gerald, that you’re always warmly welcome here—to share your thoughts, feelings, questions, contradictions, and hopes. Your presence adds richness to this space and warmth to my heart.

With appreciation, Anita 🤍

… Be back tomorrow (Wed night here)

Dear Gerald:

Thank you for sharing the lyrics to The Whistling Gypsy Rover—the first song you remember hearing. I don’t think I’ve come across it before, so you’ve introduced me to something new, and I truly appreciate that.

I can imagine how vivid that musical memory must have been, especially with its romantic, wandering spirit. Songs often become emotional bookmarks—snapshots of who we were and what we were feeling in that moment of life, don’t they?

I also want to thank you for your compassionate response to what I shared about my mother. Your words—“why a parent would devalue their child and damage them for life with cruel comments is baffling”—were deeply comforting. When someone sees that kind of harm for what it truly is, without trying to explain it away or soften the reality, it offers a kind of validation that means more than I can say.

I wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts on fatherhood and the lack of strong male role models. I’ve often thought about how boys grow up longing to know what tenderness and integrity look like in a male figure—and how many never get to see that modeled at home. If a father offers only control, criticism, or emotional distance, vulnerability begins to feel unsafe. And when boys learn early on that emotions are something to hide, they often grow into men who don’t know how to process grief, confusion, or fear—only how to bury those feelings and keep going.

Men are expected to be brave, silent, and uncomplaining. But underneath, there can be grief and loneliness that never find a name, simply because they were never shown how. That kind of invisible burden still shapes lives in powerful ways.

As for your question—should parenting be taught in high school? I couldn’t agree more. Not just biology or civics, but empathy, emotional regulation, and how to care for and guide another life. Teaching not only what parenting is, but also what it isn’t—exploring the difference between care and control, support and abuse—could make a meaningful impact. Even a short curriculum could begin to shift legacies.

Warm regards back to you—and thank you again for showing up with such insight and thoughtfulness.

Anita 🤍