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Letting go of a one sided relationship- but also letting go of my ego?

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • September 5, 2017 at 9:34 pm #167196
    Belle
    Participant

    Hello, I want to start by giving some background on my breakup. We were together for about 3 years, and within those three years I was taken advantage of. I invested everything in the relationship and did all the “work.” It hurt and I recognize that a lot of the hurt comes from my issues with self worth and unresolved feelings of lack of love from my parents. What I came on here to ask is how do I let go of my ego? It’s been a little over a month since we broke up and we have not spoken at all. Which is a good thing for me. It would be hurtful and confusing to be in contact. But my ego was hurt by that. “Why isn’t he reaching out?” Etc. Social media is such a thing nowadays and being a millennial I have a few. I noticed that he was posting Instagram stories. Something he never does and never did. I know it was in hopes that I would look at them, notice them, and be affected by them. It hurt, I ignored it. A few nights ago I asked my spirit guides to protect me from my own negative thinking and from him essentially. Around 4 am he “liked” a photo of mine posted a year ago when we went on vacation together. This caught me off guard and. But it comforted my ego. But I don’t want that! I don’t want my ego to “feel better” knowing that he is hurting. How do I let go of that and continue my progress? How do I silence my egos desires for him to validate me? Thank you.

    September 6, 2017 at 4:33 am #167296
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Belle,

    Why do we as women, usually after a breakup, try to “be our best selves”, “find ourselves”, “get rid of our egos”, “heal”, etc., etc., etc.

    Don’t worry about your ego or lack thereof. You are supposed to have an ego. “Letting go of my ego” is just another bone to chew on. It beats the “I just broke up with a jerk who never deserved me, and now he might actually see that, GOOD!” thoughts.

    I suggest finding a new hobby, going someplace new, meeting new people, taking a course your could really sink your teeth into. Because you don’t need to quiet your ego about him. You do need to redirect your mind.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    September 6, 2017 at 4:52 am #167298
    Kath
    Participant

    Hi Belle!
    Stop blaming yourself or even your “ego” for that kind of stuff. You are not the victim of your ego! We are humans, and our reward system is by default addicted to attention. The only thing you can do is to accept that it is an addiction and treat it like that. You will not make that feeling stop. But you can try and “redirect” it like Inky said, find something healthier to replace it and to give you a feeling of reward. (I like to think that the “ego” is a bunch of apes, and you don’t want them to take control over you, and mindfulness is good and all, but sometimes it’s ok to satisfy their needs and give them some carots.)

    BUT: Don’t give them sugar! Don’t feed the addiction! So firstly: Block him on social media!!! Unfollow him on instagram! NOW! If your profile is public, kindly ask him not to interact so you can get closure. (But I’m sure there must be a way to block users on insta too…)
    Secondly: You can’t just “let go of ego” and make your feelings go away. You can be mindful about it, but a breakup is still painful! A month is not a very long time. It will take more time to heal. But it will happen. You will find others whose attention makes you feel better, and in a healthier way. Make space in your life for them. You are on the right track!

    Love, kath

    September 6, 2017 at 8:26 am #167330
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Belle,

    I have “liked” my ex’s pictures, and they have “liked” mine on Facebook and other social media. There is one I’m still in love with who recently did this. But I try not to read too much into it, because he is also liking other women’s pictures and sending them flirty emoji’s. What I try to do is block them. I don’t want to know what they “are up to” or who they are seeing or flirting” with because I just end up depressed. Like they are moving on, and I’m not. Best to block him. It’s too depressing.

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