Dear Chantel:

You wrote: “Here’s a guy that would do anything for me everything and anything except being able to love me.. He either wants to be with me or he doesn’t.”

I think he was honest and correct when he replied “that it is not a black and white” issue.

From the very beginning he loved you in an out-of-town context. He loved you in the context of no future commitment. I understand your need and desire for him to love you in all contexts: in-town and in a future commitment context. But that was not the case from the very beginning, and consistently throughout.

The contexts of his love for you, the grey area (not black and white), is based on the reasoning that he wanted children in a future relationship, correct? That is not an indication of you lacking worth as a person, only that you are unable to have more children. And he was uncomfortable, perhaps, with his friend having dated you- again, this is not an indication of your lack of worth, only that you had a relationship in town. The opinions of town people that concerned him are also… no indication of a lack of your worth.

The pain of separation from him is your experience regardless of contexts and sense of worth. When we are emotionally attached to a person, and then that person is out of our lives, we feel that pain. I hope you feel better soon.

anita