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LETTING GO

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  • September 24, 2019 at 10:34 am #314001
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Hi all,

    First of all, I appreciate everyone who reads this. Well okay:

    Lately, I have been having trouble letting go… like in all aspects of my life. I was able to get over my ex of 4 yrs but it took me 10 months. In the end I still think about how life would be easier if I had stuck with her but I don’t dwell on that too much. That is in the past.

     

    What I am dwelling on a short 5 month relationship (4 months not official, 1 official FWB for maybe 2-3 months, the rest of the time it became serious due to us both moving fast to reach the same emotional state from put previous relationships.) At the end of the day I became insecure due to my previous relationship and it ended because it was said that I was too needy and too sexual for her. The fact is that it’s been hard to get over her. Ice tried no contact for awhile but I might have let 1.5-2weeks be too much.

     

    I am letting it affect me… a lot.

     

    Some background about me… when I was a jununior in university I went through a what I call a “Quarter Life Crisis” I would wake up and could not decide if I wanted to be an engineer or a math teacher. This started to effect my daily life. I couldn’t decide what to eat or do in my spare time, was looking for different jobs and I couldn’t even decide to pass the ball left or right in soccer. Needless to say, IT WAS BAD. It effected me for the rest of my life. I learned to control and calm myself and reach a state of normality. But there have been events which trigger the indecisiveness again. During that time it was the first time where I questioned myself, the first time I was unsure of myself. And that was a big deal for me. Since i put a lot of pressure to be successful.

     

    Like I was saying, it sometimes takes one little thing to trigger these emotions. But REGRET and LETTING GO are the worst for me. I always over analyze everything. Now I got a NEW APARTMENT that would save me from 2000-2500 yearly maybe even 2900 (after 1st year) from whst I was paying. But i grew to like the place. It has a nice view, which I value A LOT. The new place seems like a step back in some ways, even though I would be saving a lot of money in the long run.  It’s just getting tough to let things go. My old place has a great location near a High School and it has a lot of neat stuff. My new place is okay in location but seems more quieter and more negatives. If I decide to switch places to my old place I would lose at least 1500 bucks. This and letting go of my ex is driving me nuts. I keep regretting my decision/s to move out.

    I think it all started with the breakup. Not being able to comprehend why it happened when things seemed good. Doubting myself since I’m hard on myself a lot of the time.

     

    I’m usually a happy, go lucky guy with a positive outlook on life. But i feel like my life is falling apart even tho logically I made the right choice seeking a CHEAP APT in an expensive market. I don’t like to give up so for me I cannot move on until I am shut down pretty much. And obviously this situation triggered it and it’s not her fault entirely. Communication wasn’t good.

     

    I also don’t think I’m as open to change as I use to be. I am more introverted so that’s why. I hate REGRETTING more than anything. It kills me mentally and emotionally.

     

     

    Thanks for reading and any input is appreciated!

     

    • This topic was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Alecsee.
    September 24, 2019 at 12:07 pm #314033
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Alecsee:

    Moving to a new apartment that is significantly less expensive and is quieter (“seems more quieter”)- reads like a good choice to me.

    It would be very easy to make a choice if one choice is all good (only positives) and the other is all bad (only negatives). Choices are difficult to make because when you chose A you give up the positives of B.

    The apartment you chose is way less expensive (a huge positive), quieter (would be a huge positive for me). The old  apartment has a better view (a smaller positive). Overall, two huge positives ae greater than a smaller positive.

    anita

    September 24, 2019 at 12:38 pm #314043
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Alecsee

    When you say “Letting Go” what does that look like to you?

    For the longest time when I was given the advice to Let go I misunderstood and felt like I was being asked to forget and or pretend nothing happened.

    I’ve learned that ‘Letting go’ is not a forgetting or indifference to our experience but entering fully in the flow of the experience. Even if the experience was the memory of the event.  Letting Go is a release from blocking experience to allowing the even or memory of the event to be experienced as It Is in the present. Through the concept of ‘letting go’ we ‘Detach’ our sense of ‘self’ and or ‘ego’  allowing moment to flow as it is in the moment.

    We Let Go or Let Flow our attachments to our thoughts and memories. In this way we avoid dwelling on a thought or memory which often includes emotions such as regret. Regretting = dwelling = Blockage vice flow

    I also don’t think I’m as open to change as I use to be.

    The thing with change is that it happens slowly then all at once. We tend not to notice all the small stuff of change until we notice a result. Change is also a flow.

    September 25, 2019 at 7:19 am #314217
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Alecsee,

    Being indecisive is a form of perfectionism. You would be totally OK with the breakup, course of studies, the apartment, or passing the ball to the left if you were certain it was The Perfect Thing to Do.

    Strive for Good, not Perfectly Perfect.

    Passing the ball to the left is probably a GOOD choice if you thought of doing it.

    Breaking up with your girlfriend was a good choice, even though she broke up with you. Did she make the perfect choice? Probably not if you’re a great guy, but it was a GOOD choice for her at the time.

    Is being a teacher the perfect choice! No way! Not if you want to afford an apartment with a view, but it is obviously a GOOD choice!

    The cheaper apartment? Perfect? Nope! But a GOOD choice!

    Best,

    Inky

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