Yeah seemed they lied. Conversation was pretty much…

Me: I guess this is the last time we will be seeing eachother, huh?

Her: *confused face* What? Why?

Me: *tries to find the words*

Her: Because the social isolation?

Me: Well yeah, it’s gonna be years

Her: But people are allowed in groups of 6 now as long as they obey the rules, I hope it’s not years though

Her: I am not going to be doing anything right now, it just doesn’t feel right.

Me: But I live with my dad and don’t wanna get him sick

Her: We will still go for walks and I will text you when I go to your work

During the 30 minute call a few days ago she was making a veggie pizza and 2 of her sisters were over, I said “you’re making pizza and didn’t invite me over for dinner?”, she said “Maybe another day you can come over for dinner” in a low voice. We pretty much just talked about our normal stuff, plus I told her about my bad cat news, he’s got a tumor and needs surgery in a few weeks to take it out but all the blood work was good news. She spends most of her days in her garden or working on the yurt that’s pretty much finished, gave me a picture of it and rarely goes on hikes or to the lake due to gardening and the yurt. Told her to start hiking again and maybe some kayaking and to wake up early before other people do and do some running and to be out in nature alone. She also said that she does not like how the vibe of the earth feels right now, it doesn’t feel right and wont be seeing anyone for now except her family.

Yeah doesn’t like how things feel overall in the world.

So she’s pretty much back to work now and everyone is happy and booking and saying how much she’s changed their lives.

Alright so, I been thinking about what she said about those walks…July it will mark that we have hung out 1 time in 1 year which has never happened before, guessing she only wants to see me 1 time a year for those walks due to her man. I don’t see a point in knowing people if I get to see them once a year, just my opinion. If you never see your friends, are they even your friends? perhaps I will ask her about it, I need to know if she means just once per year or every few months because regular contact is only reserved for her friend next door. She’s really the least honest person I have ever met tbh.

As for other things…been talking to this cute customer at my work, an east indian lady hard to pronounce her name and this woman that I been talking to at my work for years that I am pretty sure likes me (she’s 20 years  older then me) told me a few days ago next time I see her she will be wearing a bikini and we will have some fun together LMAO!!!

2019 about 5. 2 before the guy with those hikes and that coffee and took me to the life coach also before the guy, 1 when they started a month into their relationship on that picnic, then the summer when she gave me money, after that she told me nope but saw her other friends.

2020 after her trip and probably wont be any more because I am not doing once a year.

Not honest because she said she will try reaching out more, she does not even try it’s been 2 months, those events she was going too invite me to she doesn’t, asked to keep me updated on certain things last year and hasn’t, said she would text me when she comes in I bet she wont. List goes on. I swear to god anytime she tells me something I know the opposite will happen and it does. It gets really old.

As for the flirting at work..I don’t do it as much as I used to, not as thrilling for me anymore. I also don’t really flirt with her, we talk, she always wants to be hugged and outside of work talked for 30 or so minutes.

Yes that sounds right for her, but I got my money back so if it’s only once a year then no loss.

Yes I am glad as well.

She’s only 5 years older then me, I am mid 30’s and she’s early 40s. I see people at my work all the time so I don’t need as much social time outside of work with any of them nor do I crave it, I never see her which is why I need WAY more time and why I crave it. I need to see the body language, I need to see the memories like we used to. Phone calls are nothing, you can’t really get anything from those. If I did not have strong feelings and she was more on a “casual friend” level I likely would barely contact her or call or hang out with her and not really care if we didn’t talk anymore and fell out of touch. But…nothing she will ever give me will ever be enough for me, even once a month I would want more, that would mean I only get to see her 12 times a year WTF???? that’s all my worth is to her, but now all it’s worth is 1 time every 365 days and there are 24 hours in a day so 2 hours every 8760 hours per year.

Not enough to keep someone around. She should not be upset or confused if I no longer respond to her or tell her I guess this will be the last time we see eachother after what I just posted.

No grandchildren, just 2 20+ year old daughters and never married, just had a guy for 18 years and was her only relationship she had ever had until this one.

She told me a week ago “I will still see you at your work, i’ll text you when I am coming in so we can talk and we will still go on walks”. I shoulda just told her my feelings back then when she was single on that first hike we had last year when she put makeup on, now it will always be a regret because I was too chicken shit like always and now that new guy took her away from me.